The questions..

[Kensi]

At what point do I say screw what I am supposed to be and try to become who I am? That is the question I have asked myself sense I, at an early age, figured this wasn't just a wild thought. Before and after puberty my biggest dream was to be a female. My dad always picked on me and call me Darleen, in a sense, I knew I wanted to be a girl however he made it into a bad thing. My prayer for that to happen, I feel, caused my later disbelief in any religious deity. 

When is the right time to tell people? At the moment the only people I have told has been my old friends when I drank in an alcohol fueled frenzy and my therapist. I have no doubt it will cause a rift in my entire know world, but I'm at a point where I figure it out or go completely mental. I feel the alcohol was mostly because I was unhappy and wanted to fit in. Clean and sober for over a year now

Do the thoughts of suicide stop quickly or is there a long process? I have thought of, never acted on, an ever present thought that I am not happy who I am and would be better off dead. (I know the suicide lines and have a support system set) Currently I am also on antidepressants and anxiety meds. Do they become not needed as well?

I am sure their will be tons more questions that come to mind after I hit the enter button, but this will be a good start..
by the way I am 27, currently male, and living in northeast Florida..

[Dena]

When to tell is when you are ready. If you are nervous about it, I suggest you wait a bit. You are in therapy so that's a start. Therapy will help you become more sure about your decision. HRT has so greatly improved that a few weeks after the blocker suppress your testosterone levels sufficiently, you may find your depression reduced and you are better able to deal with these issues. Blockers may not be everything you need as many of us need to start the transition and become our real self. The problem we all face is after making the decision, we find that life seems to move far to slow but you have started down the road to resolve your issues.

[KathyLauren]

Everyone is different.  But I think the common thread I hear in different people's storties is that there comes a point where you realize that you can't continue to fake being someone you are not.  When I realized that the real me was the woman inside who had never been free and the fake me was the guy everyone thought they knew, then I knew it was time to move forward.

Which is not to say that I came out right away.  That took a lot of soul searching and some help from my friends.  But I knew I eventually would because I had, in my own mind, already burned my bridges.  I knew there was no going back to being that sad guy.

[Sophia Sage]

When is the right time to tell people? At the moment the only people I have told has been my old friends when I drank in an alcohol fueled frenzy and my therapist. I have no doubt it will cause a rift in my entire know world, but I'm at a point where I figure it out or go completely mental. I feel the alcohol was mostly because I was unhappy and wanted to fit in. Clean and sober for over a year now

Congratulations on your sobriety!

You've told your therapist, which is huge.  And actually, all of transition is huge.  Some people jump into it all at once.  Others make a plan and follow their steps.  We end up doing what we need to do.

Me, I was a planner.  I knew what I wanted -- female gendering -- and so that's what I worked towards. I was in therapy, getting electrolysis, and working on my voice for six months before I started HRT.  In that time, I came out to my partner (who stuck around for two years) and some close friends, but where I got my real relief was through a support group.  Otherwise, I pretty much kept it to myself.

I waited on family until HRT was underway, and I didn't come out at work at all -- after facial surgery and SRS I simply quit and got a new job -- I absolutely would not jeopardize the income I needed to pay for everything I wanted.  All told, it took me about two and a half years.  Which is on the fast end of things.  A lot of people take several more years.  But I also know one woman who got through everything in one year flat -- she had the resources, she knew what she wanted, and she was completely unstoppable. 

Do the thoughts of suicide stop quickly or is there a long process? I have thought of, never acted on, an ever present thought that I am not happy who I am and would be better off dead. (I know the suicide lines and have a support system set) Currently I am also on antidepressants and anxiety meds. Do they become not needed as well?

I personally had some dark days early in transition, mostly having to do with a faltering relationship, losing some friends, and my impatience and frustration with the whole process.  Actually, I was on progesterone during that time, and when I came off that hormone I started feeling a whole lot better.  Some people, on the other hand, find progesterone really evens out their moods.  Everyone's different.

There was also one very bad night early in recovery from facial surgery, but that was due to inadequate pain management. 

In general, though, I was much less depressed and anxious than I had been before, and every milestone made it better -- finding my voice, for example. The first electrolysis session that got me totally cleared. Starting injectible hormones.  Seeing my body hair dissipate.  Getting to an A-cup.  And, of course, the results of my surgeries. 

Today, I'm gendered female in all aspects of my life, and it is glorious.  Every day is a bonus day.

[Kensi]

Thank you everyone! You all have answered my questions very well. Honestly it just feels great just getting it out there. In a way I am nervous, yes, but I also have been wanting to get this started for a very very very long time. I was just too afraid. From that first moment being a little kid and wanting the flowery top in JC pennies and being told no, that's not for you.

[bluepaint]

if i might add , its doesn't take long once you start opening up and exploring your feelings that the question goes from " should I?" to " why didn't I do it sooner?   blessing! Julie


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