Quote from: SadieBlake on November 01, 2016, 07:13:36 AM
Deal by taking it slowly. You sound to me to be in a fairly vulnerable place which isn't bad, a good place to be for learning. Remember don't know mind and see where it goes?
Yes, "don't know mind", or "beginner's mind". That's how I basically feel since I started HRT. I have a whole new set of feelings, thoughts, responses to situations and needs; getting to know myself does put me in a vulnerable place. For me it feels best to process that on my own. I have some kind of fragile balance now and don't want to obset that.
Following your advice, I told her I want to take it slowly (I thought that feiging ignorance wasn't a proper beginner's mind). Also, in order to put her off, I extensively discussed the bottom surgery I want, but she was unphased. This morning she was already calling me to ask if I wanted to work with her in a espresso bar in town. I do like her.
QuoteFwiw you sound bisexual to me, and still I'd be cautious about getting into a physical relationship.
Well, I have a "friend with benefits" who visits me a few times a week. We don't have a relationship although we've been doing this for almost two years now. I'm not sure if we're still on the same page sexually. So I do engage physically, but not emotionally. I find it harder to separate the two.
As far as bisexuality is concerned: I used to think I was, but before I started HRT, my best friend who used to be my girlfriend ten years ago asked me to become her sperm donor. So I agreed. Trying to have a baby destroyed her previous marriage, she would be a great mother, so I wanted her to have that before I'd start transitioning. We both thought that having a baby via a glass tube was kind of weird and decided that we'd have sex just once i order to welcome the baby, have the baby come from a place of love. It was a disaster. She's an extremely attractive woman, we used to have sex all the time, I do live her, I couldn't do it anymore. Using my procreative function like that triggered some heavy gender dysphoria, it all went awkward and the next day we made an appointment for the extraction of a few straws.
Quote from: Sophia Sage on November 01, 2016, 08:11:34 AM
Yeah, to echo SadieBlake, this is a time of transition, of change, of being in a liminal space. I'm not sure we really know what we'll want at this point, it takes getting through it and out to the other side.
Yes, it's a liminal space i some ways, but isn't the way I'm feeling right now the way it will stay? Or will hormones over time start to have a different effect?
QuoteSo, when I was in transition, I found myself attracted to other transwomen, primarily. The emotional connection. But also, there was the understanding of how dysphoria can affect certain relationships. As I got deeper into the process, I realized I couldn't bear to be in any kind of sexual relationship, because of the dysphoria I had regarding that aspect of myself. And that's not an easy thing for cis people to really understand.
Yes, I have a few friends like that and love them a lot, feel the same kind of attraction, but don't know if I could be in a relationship with them. I sometimes find it hard to understand their choices, don't need to be involved in their drama and if I don't have a bit of distance from that, it annoys me too much while I know it shouldn't. At the same time I spend most of the time with them.
QuoteAnd then there's the whole being very self-centered bit which I think is a necessity in transition. At least it was for me.
Yes, maybe I'm too involved with myself to truly be able to engage with someone else.
QuoteAnyways, the way to deal with all this is just be very honest about where you are in your process. Explain what your concerns are (if she's a ->-bleeped-<-, she's not entirely interested in you, simply in what you represent), and what your limitations are as far as relationships go.
Today she made evident in many ways, that she is interested in me far beyond my gender identity
