Signs in Youth?

[GlassUnicorn]

I know that signs don't always exist, but for those who feel there were signs of being non-binary when they were young, what were they?

[Sno]

For me, social exclusion - from both sides. it was a dark and lonely place to be and I thought I was just not enough.

I also had to deal with the homophobic taunts, despite actually being attracted to women (oh the irony, as my social and role norms are mainly female).

Public dressing up causes me no end of problems, so whilst attracted to the stage, I cant bring myself to play parts because of the make up and costumes involved - it makes me very dysphoric.

I stopped singing when my voice changed. Hate(d) the sound - others seem to like it, its reserved for close friends only, with singstar and ample wine.

My childhood was driven by rules and punishment - I did pretty much anything to comply (thanks abuser) as the emotional consequences were too great.

Time to retreat to my blanket fort. thinking about this always upsets me.

Sno.

[Stevie]

Wearing my sister's clothes .
Wondering that half the kids at school are girls why did I get stuck being a boy.
Looking at the girls at my school and wishing I could be like them, I didn't care if would be the ugliest girl there just being girl would be enough.
I had these thought from around the age of six or seven.

[genderlessjolyne]

i saw a documentary on a trans girl when i was a kid and it resonated with me
while i was watching it, i asked myself if that was what i was, imagining myself with a penis and since i didn't really want one, i assumed that meant i was "normal"
only now im neither girl nor boy lol

[MxEnby]

When I was a kid, I felt more attracted to the idea of being a boy than a girl. I used to roleplay as male characters, do "male" things like football and dress masculine, ignoring the Barbie dolls my mum bought for me. This masculinity remained with me through my teenage years, and as I approached my twenties I began pondering my gender. I did wonder if I was FTM for a while, but  eventually came to the conclusion I was bigender, in the same way that I'm bisexual- wanting a mix of male and female inward and outward characteristics.

[GlassUnicorn]

I suppose if I had to list some signs, they'd be:

- Wishing I had a penis and feeling dysphoria for one when I was as young as six years old, and wishing I could pee standing up
- Thinking girly stuff was strange
- Playing with both girly toys and guy toys
- Most of my friends are guys now
- When I was younger, I wanted to be friends with the guys because they seemed so much cooler than the girls
- Wanting to look more like a guy
- Being jealous of those girls who had undescended testes, and feeling deprived that I didn't have testes

Now for the silly, stereotypical things, that on some level I think might relate to me feeling a bit like a guy who wants to do drag and use feminine pronouns.

- Being (unintentionally) a fan of gay icons and drag icons from a very young age. (I loved Bette Middler, then Cher (and still do love Cher), then Pete Burns, then Cyndi Lauper (still love her), then Stevie Nicks (still love her) and Idina Menzel.
- Love most musicals out there from as young as age six.

[kellb]

I sometimes look back at my youthful experiences and wonder if any of the stuff I remembered made sense in the context of being non-binary.  Some of it does, but I worry about selection bias - that I remember it only because of its relevance to my gender.  This was more of a concern to me when I was still questioning my gender; these days I'm more resolved.

When I was 6 I preferred to play with my grandmother's barbie dolls than play with the boys outside.  But sometimes I would still enjoy building things and doing boyish stuff.  My favourite colours were pink and black.  When I saw my sister in the bath I was sharing with her, I really wanted what she had, rather than my own penis - I felt very uncomfortable with it and wished it would go away.  (And it will - In 2018!)

When I was 13 I felt really uncomfortable with puberty.  I HATED my body hard and stockiness.  I'm a very hairy guy, and it frustrates me immensely.  I never got on with most guys and I found their ways boorish, but girls rejected me utterly because I was unpopular.  Oh well.  Around this time I asked my dad to paint my bedroom pink... I got "burnt peach" instead.

When I was 17, I felt a bit more stereotypically male as hormones kicked in, but I still didn't fit with the crowed.  I started trying on my sisters things when everyone was out, but I was terrified of being caught because my parents were religious bigots.  I wondered if I was gay, but at the time I wasn't really into guys (now I consider myself bi).

So yeah... signs here and there.  I never really figured out I was non-binary until I was 31, and then suffered dysphoria at 35.  I had a long chrysalis, but I'm happier now than I've ever been, and I'm counting the days until my bottom surgery!  Woo!