As I got towards the end of transition, I discovered my sexuality changing. Well, it's kind of funny to say -- I was heteroflexible before, and heteroflexible afterwards (with varying periods of just being queer). The point is, I started becoming strongly attracted to men in a way I hadn't been before. And this after feeling non-sexual during transition itself (because "down there" was a source of dysphoria and had to be repressed).
So having the "full deal" was crucial to pursuing that interest.
It's an interest that developed in my 30s, and now as I approach my 50s it hasn't changed. If anything, it's grown stronger. I've had many sexual experiences this year, with men and women, many quite experienced, and with all I never disclosed my narrative, and as such it was utterly crucial to having had full SRS and secondary labiaplasty to make that happen. A while back, I was in a long term relationship for over six years, again with no issues. In other words, I am pretty certain that having a "normal" vagina (with an interior) is crucial to passing in bed, which in turn will affect how you pass in such relationships overall.
So, a little about my experience. I went to Toby, fit and trim, and got a very good result. Fully orgasmic, both vaginally and clitorally. I'm at about 7 inches of depth, and working to develop more. My pussy smells like pussy. I do need lube, but this is common for women of a certain age, and of course it's not exactly uncommon even among younger women. One of my younger partners back in the day, a ciswoman in her twenties, always needed lube.
Daily dilation isn't necessary to maintain function, not after the first 3 or 4 months post-op. Regular sex can take care of that further down the road. In my case, I had a fallow period after breaking up with Mr Six Years, and went about three years without dilating at all. It took about a month of regular work to regain my depth and stretchability. And personally speaking, I haven't found dilating to be unpleasant at all. In maintenance mode, it takes about five minutes a week, though I usually take longer because I find it much more pleasurable to incorporate this with masturbation. Hell, I don't even need stents anymore. I use dildos and vibes, like any other woman.
Finally, don't think that regular dilation post-op is anything "fake." Consider cis-women who suffer from vaginismus -- hyper-contraction of the vaginal muscles upon any kind of penetration. There is a cure for this condition, and it's basically dilation. And lube. And Kegel exercises. Exactly what we do as we recuperate from surgery.
Mostly, though, there's a very powerful sort of gendering that occurs during sex, especially when you pass and haven't disclosed your narrative. I learned more the first time I had intercourse this way than I did in years of therapy and transition, or gobs of books and eloquent writings, what have you. It's... I struggle to find the right words for it. Being seen in this way, so close, so intimate, it got... it got deep into my soul. I'm really sorry I don't have the right words for it. Okay, maybe it's like this -- you know what it's like to be dysphoric? To even have a twinge of it? Now, imagine all that gone in a puff of smoke, all the way down to your bones, even into your memories. I saw myself in someone else's eyes, in a way I hadn't ever seen myself before, and there was a truth there that I simply had to accept. And so there was a "letting go" and at the same time a reception, an acceptance, all at the same time.
It never hurt (he had plenty of lube), but I was sore in the morning. Oh, that soreness in the morning! Being able to actually feel my emptiness. It's strange, but I felt so much closer to womankind that morning. (It's no less profound with another woman. Having our fingers and hands and mouths and strap-ons inside each other. Mirroring each other.)
It's something I'll never forget.
I'm not saying if you go this route, you'll have the same experience. Everyone is different. But if you go down the other path, you'll likely be foreclosing this possibility for the rest of your life.
