Horny all the time but still taking forever to get off

[schwiftyrickty]

This is prolly way tmi...So read at your own risk lol.

I've been on T for almost 6 weeks now. I have a fairly remarkable amount of bottom growth and my sex drive is through the roof. Here's the problem though: Although I am more sensitive and easily aroused, I still take just as long to come as I did pre-T, if not longer. This is really frustrating because I feel the need to get off at least twice a day (more if I had time), but since it takes so long, I basically waste a lot of valuable time fooling around with myself. And compared to pre-T, not only do I get aroused more frequently, but the need to actually get off is much more urgent than it was before. Before I could get horny and forget about it, but now I almost feel like something bad will happen if I don't take care of it. Like that's all I can think about until I do it.

I have a girlfriend who I live with, so I either have to sneak around her to do it, or have sex with her, and she seems to be getting tired of me constantly pawing at her. I don't think it would be as annoying to her if I had the (->-bleeped-<-ty) male stamina to go along with my male sex drive because we could just be done with it, but now if she agrees to sex she could be wasting a lot of her own time as well. This was never a problem before when I only wanted it like once a week or less during bad bouts of depression/dysphoria, but now it's almost taking a toll on our lives and she gets pissed when I keep her up all night. I mean she takes just as long, but she's not the one wanting to <not allowed> all the time.

Has anyone experienced this? Any advice? Perhaps I/we are just still figuring out how to properly work with my changing anatomy...I can still come pretty fast with some of my old solo methods (vibration/water), but a lot of the times it makes me feel dysphoric and ->-bleeped-<-ty.

My apologies if this would've gone better in the testosterone forum or another one...

[WolfNightV4X1]

I had a huge drive but also the terrible male stamina with it I can be done within thirty mins to an hour and only need to do it once maybe 2-3 (shorter after).

Try using a vibe rather than hands the extra stimulation makes it quicker. Dont consider it dysphoric its pretty much contact with your external area, vibrations feel good on the penis.

And ah, plus, you could always forcibly stave off your addiction to reset your body so the experience is better than doing it all the time8

[Kylo]

Well I hear you kind of have to learn how to do it all over again with the changing anatomy. Just have to try things and figure out what works best, I guess.

[schwiftyrickty]

I had a huge drive but also the terrible male stamina with it I can be done within thirty mins to an hour and only need to do it once maybe 2-3 (shorter after).

Try using a vibe rather than hands the extra stimulation makes it quicker. Dont consider it dysphoric its pretty much contact with your external area, vibrations feel good on the penis.

And ah, plus, you could always forcibly stave off your addiction to reset your body so the experience is better than doing it all the time8

I mean it usually takes me between 20 minutes and an hour and a half to come now depending on how much I've had to drink. I drink moderately so that might have something to do with why it takes me a while to climax, particularly with my girlfriend since we usually drink together at night.

It might not be a bad idea to try and abstain occasionally...Right now I feel like it is a compulsion and not necessarily something I WANT to do all the time. More like I NEED to do it/I CAN do it so I might as well. Perhaps I should stop masturbating all together, but my girlfriend would probably be even more irritated the because I'd be going to her even more. But if it actually helped me come faster I don't think she would mind as much.

Before starting transition, I was very uncomfortable with sex toys, and particularly with buying them, especially in person. For most I've my life I've either masturbated totally manually, or in the shower, or with a vibrating toothbrush I kept around specifically for that purpose. Manual is very difficult for me now and the toothbrush and shower also don't work quite as well anymore. It seems the most effective way now is oral, which I never really cared for before I had bottom growth. I wish I could come manually though. I feel like that is something that should be easy for guys to do so that is why it makes me dysphoric. Like I feel like a guy shouldn't need a vibrator. Egk.

[Annarko]

Being that i am a guy (for the time being) I can say this... dont discount the benefit that ANY sex toys can have to reach your desired effect. I used to be horrified about buying stuff to please myself, but i have learned that the feeling that i shouldnt be doing it was all in my head. those people at the adult stores dont care what you buy or who you plan to use said toy on. besides there are lots of things that toys can do that hands alone cannot.

[Valwen]

I don't know if you have heard of it but buck angel recently released a masterbation toy specifically for non op and pre op trans men its called the buck off.

Serena

[schwiftyrickty]

I don't know if you have heard of it but buck angel recently released a masterbation toy specifically for non op and pre op trans men its called the buck off.

Serena

I have heard of that actually. I own the bro sleeve which is a similar idea, but I imagine much cheaper as it was only twelve dollars! Unfortunately it is not as effective as I thought it might be. I know the buck off is more...suction based which might be nice. You can get the suction from the brosleeve too, but you have to squeeze the end quite tightly which is exhausting after a while. I might try that once I get some more money. Another complaint I have with the brosleeve is that it is so small, so again, it is exhausting to grip. And it gets slippery if you lube it up too much. The buck off seems to be more of a handful so that might be useful.

I also own a dildo that is meant to be used as a strap on and has a ridged base. I use that quite a bit. Just rub it against the growth and it is kinda hot and feels good. It is not exactly subtle though. I wish I could use something that did the job fast and I could get away with using very subtly while my girlfriend is in the house and hide it easily lol. With that I have to lock myself in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes. Not that she even cares what I do to myself while she's in the house if you ask her. It's just kind of awkward and can be distracting if I think I'm about to get "caught".

And I feel like I have to hide my urges from her a little because she thinks I've turned into some sort of animal and I can't control myself. Which I wouldn't mind so much but she will openly dismiss my urges as a side effect of taking synthetic hormones and this makes me very dysphoric when people point out I'm only feeling a certain way because of my "medication". It kind of defeats the purpose of transitioning when people keep pointing out that what I'm feeling isn't "natural". I just want to go through my normal puberty and masturbate all day like it's normal. D:

I suppose I should just be happy I can get off at all and not complain that I can't do it my ideal way. But I have yet to orgasm from my own hand alone since starting T and that is just very disheartening.

And I feel like my girlfriend is losing interest in sex and I don't like that either. Idk if it is because of me transitioning and she doesn't like the changes or just because I want it too often and it's getting old. We've been together four years but we're only 23 and 24 years old and I feel like this shouldn't be happening so soon if it's not because of my transition. She did identify as a lesbian when we met, but she's admitted attraction to other transguys (only after I came out. I don't think she thought about it before.) and even semi attraction to cis guys, but never any real desire to actually have sex with them. Cis guys that is.

And it's kind of like she never really WANTS to have sex, she just wants the ego boost of knowing /I? want to have sex with /her/. But now that it is obvious, I am just annoying her. Before I started T and I had a low sex drive (mosty due to dysphoria and depression. Otherwise I had a relatively high sex drive even pre T), she would complain that I never wanted to have sex. And now that I want to she is rarely interested. I don't think it is unreasonable to want sex once a day, but she acts like I am insatiable and she only wants it maybe two or three times a week.

I'm so sorry. This is way more than anyone needed to know about me. I'm just venting at this point. You don't have to read any of this ->-bleeped-<-.

[EyesOpen]

I'm MtF, but I gotta say....it sounds like you're getting a pretty 'authentic' male experience <3

What you're feeling is perfectly natural, it's what testosterone does. Just because you're receiving testosterone from an external source instead of producing your own doesn't make the experience any less natural. You're discovering a common (frustrating) experience that most cis men understand well. This means your HRT is successful!

If it's becoming a serious problem, you may want to talk with your endo about backing off the T a bit. That should at least help reduce your drive.

It's very difficult and frustrating having a sex drive that's higher than your partner's, I can sympathize completely. I wish I had some better advice, but I've had to learn to just deal with it and enjoy things when they happen. "Once a day" would be a dream come true, but that level of desire seems to be uncommon without male levels of T, so we just have to learn to go at our partner's pace. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to about my upcoming MtF HRT is the reduced libido. I think you can understand why -- sex is great, but when the drive gets so intense that it becomes a need many aspects of life start to suffer, particularly in the relationship department.

My absolute ignorance of FtM HRT effects may be showing here, but would something like a Feeldoe help you out? It's basically a strapless strap-on that is inserted vaginally. It may be too uncomfortable under HRT, I'm not sure. But it might allow you and your girlfriend to enjoy some intimacy and let you have the experience of penetrating her while still receiving pleasure yourself. Regular strap-ons are kinda lame from what I've been told -- it's difficult for the wearer to enjoy them. But the feeldoe (or enjoyus, or other similar products) seem to actually provide a more immersive experience for both wearer/receiver.

It sounds like there are some things you and your girlfriend need to talk about and work through regarding your sex life. If you feel like she's just in it for an ego boost, that's a devastating feeling for you that really can't be ignored. A relationship councilor may help? Obviously this should be brought up gently, and be conscious of the T while you do it -- it's so easy to get frustrated and lash out when sexual tensions peak and testosterone is raging. Learning to manage that is an important part of being male, and it's not always easy.

Best of luck to you, keep trying! You'll find something that will work eventually!

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I also had a lot of frustration relearning how to masturbate. My advice:

Be patient. (How long will that take?) Really, it takes a while to relearn this stuff.

Watch videos of trans guys masturbating. It's out there, and it might help with feeling dysphoric to see guys with bodies like your own.

Your sexuality is going to be way more focused on the clitoris. It has parts on the inside and outside (look up some diagrams if you're confused) and you're going to need to stimulate it to get off.

I found looking at porn helped a lot.

[schwiftyrickty]

I'm MtF, but I gotta say....it sounds like you're getting a pretty 'authentic' male experience <3

What you're feeling is perfectly natural, it's what testosterone does. Just because you're receiving testosterone from an external source instead of producing your own doesn't make the experience any less natural. You're discovering a common (frustrating) experience that most cis men understand well. This means your HRT is successful!

If it's becoming a serious problem, you may want to talk with your endo about backing off the T a bit. That should at least help reduce your drive.

It's very difficult and frustrating having a sex drive that's higher than your partner's, I can sympathize completely. I wish I had some better advice, but I've had to learn to just deal with it and enjoy things when they happen. "Once a day" would be a dream come true, but that level of desire seems to be uncommon without male levels of T, so we just have to learn to go at our partner's pace. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to about my upcoming MtF HRT is the reduced libido. I think you can understand why -- sex is great, but when the drive gets so intense that it becomes a need many aspects of life start to suffer, particularly in the relationship department.

My absolute ignorance of FtM HRT effects may be showing here, but would something like a Feeldoe help you out? It's basically a strapless strap-on that is inserted vaginally. It may be too uncomfortable under HRT, I'm not sure. But it might allow you and your girlfriend to enjoy some intimacy and let you have the experience of penetrating her while still receiving pleasure yourself. Regular strap-ons are kinda lame from what I've been told -- it's difficult for the wearer to enjoy them. But the feeldoe (or enjoyus, or other similar products) seem to actually provide a more immersive experience for both wearer/receiver.

It sounds like there are some things you and your girlfriend need to talk about and work through regarding your sex life. If you feel like she's just in it for an ego boost, that's a devastating feeling for you that really can't be ignored. A relationship councilor may help? Obviously this should be brought up gently, and be conscious of the T while you do it -- it's so easy to get frustrated and lash out when sexual tensions peak and testosterone is raging. Learning to manage that is an important part of being male, and it's not always easy.

Best of luck to you, keep trying! You'll find something that will work eventually!

Yes, I know you're right. For the most part I do feel like I'm getting the true "male experience" and I'm happy with that. It actually feels more natural to be with someone who is constantly trying to fight me off (but interestingly enough, I also for a moment thought I understood the appeal of messing with dudes as a dude. There is something appealing about being with someone who wants sex as often as you. I'm really not into it though.), though that was the case even before I started T before my full blown dysphoria got the best of me. Of course not to this extent though. My fiancee often comments that I have the sex drive of a 14 year old boy and this is why 14 year old boys are not generally allowed to live with girls. And that is fine. Until she mentions that it is just the hormones like it is something I've chosen for myself and I have to deal with it. Which is technically true, but I HAD to do this. I don't know how much longer I could've gone without transitioning. Nothing in my life made sense.

But the thing is, fourteen year old boys DON'T live with girls who are watching their every move. They go through puberty living with their parents and they hide in their rooms and pretend to play video games but half the time they are jacking off. I don't even have my own room. And when cis guys want to jack off they just jack off and they can come in 5-10 minutes with no help most of the time and then they go back to actually playing video games! I have to pretend to play video games for like an hour and then get all weird when she walks in the room and have to pretend she is not interrupting me for twenty minutes and hide whatever device I was using on myself and subtly hump her leg until she leaves. XD And still end up in the shower half the time like a quitter!

I have heard of the feeldoe but I am not comfortable with penetration in that area, and as of yet, that discomfort has not gone away since starting T. If anything, I've been even less interested in it. But like I mentioned in my other post, I have something similar but it has ridges that rub against the clitoral growth. That works quite well, but I have to put tons of lube on the ridges or it hurts, and then I just have to hide a dildo AND a bottle of lube! We have used it together once while very intoxicated, but she is not used to penetration of that magnitude at all (and it isn't even that big. Probably about the size of an average cis male erection) and she shed several tears while using it and she hasn't expressed interest in using it again. Though I haven't brought it up either so maybe I need to be more assertive about it. It was pretty hot besides the crying thing.

But besides all of that, I have actually already gotten used to the increased sex drive for the most part. I am on a pretty high dose so if it continued to be a problem, trying to get it decreased might have been a good idea. But the last several days, I haven't felt so desperate, and even when by myself I have actually been more interested in legitimately playing video games than jerking off most of the time. I think at first I was kind of fixated on my genital growth, but now that I am used to it it isn't so erotic all the time. So I think things have mostly resolved themselves at least for now.

[schwiftyrickty]

I also had a lot of frustration relearning how to masturbate. My advice:

Be patient. (How long will that take?) Really, it takes a while to relearn this stuff.

Watch videos of trans guys masturbating. It's out there, and it might help with feeling dysphoric to see guys with bodies like your own.

Your sexuality is going to be way more focused on the clitoris. It has parts on the inside and outside (look up some diagrams if you're confused) and you're going to need to stimulate it to get off.

I found looking at porn helped a lot.

Thanks for the response. And my sexuality has always been focused in that way, but definitely more so now. I am even more uninterested in penetration than I was before, and before it was very minimal.

I actually have been actively (almost desperately) seeking out porn with ftms in in it. There is a decent amount out there, but it is very hard to find videos of trans guys that doesn't include penetration or isn't gay. And the penetration is an instant turn off. The gay stuff I can still find erotic if it is just oral, but it is still kinda weird to me. And then I also have the problem of only really finding it hot if the trans guy has a lot of growth. So I've found approximately ten videos of trans guys with more or the same amount of growth than me, not being penetrated. Maybe five of trans guys with more growth than me that are actually having sex with women, which is what I would most like to see. Trans guys just masturbating can KINDA be hot (mostly educational) if they have a lot of growth, but again, those videos usually involve penetration. As soon as I see that I crinkle up my nose and turn it off.

I have found a few with trans guys and transgirls together. That kinda tickles my fancy. Until the transgirl ->-bleeped-<-s the trans guy. Then I'm just like COME ON! STOP!

Maybe some day I will do porn. All with ladies and no penetration of the dude. My girlfriend already said no. Not a firm no though. XD

[AnxietyDisord3r]

It's true there's not a lot of FTM porn out there but it's lightyears better than when i came out in 1999!