Wanting to transition so badly but can find a way start! can anyone help?

[Maggiee17]

I have know my whole life that i should have been born a girl, but have never had the ability or courage to come out as who i know i am.  i turned 24 in august and have been increasingly anxious over the past few months that precious time is slipping away and i need to do something now!  i currently work as a divemaster for a scuba diving company and find it very hard to begin feminizing or coming out in such a profession as i need people to feel comfortable and trusting of me.  its gotten to the point though where i wanna cry because i feel like ive never gotten to be who i feel so strongly that i am. can anyone here help me with some advice on how i can make this happen because i know i need to transition one way or another in the near future. also i would like to add that i have talked to therapists about this and have not found much help..

[CosmicJoke]

It can be very hard. You are the same age as me, but I was talking to a therapist about this when I was about 13 1/2. I had to have her be the one to let the cat out of the bag as there was just no way I could do it myself. My mom took it as a shock, but life goes on.
Perhaps if you do it in stages or try and draw one of your family members into the idea. For my mom, it was me wanting to look at dolls that was what lead her to thinking there were "gender issues" as she called it.
I suggest that whoever you trust most in your life should be the first person you tell. From there, it can snowball to more people finding out.

[Dena]

We tend to have fear that stops us but after you start venturing into the world as yourself, you soon discover you have nothing to fear. I would suggest you look for a therapy or support group and your local LGBT center may be able to help you with this. Often the members help each other and may support you as you meet the world for the first time.

My first trip as Dena was to my therapy group. I was by my self and the most difficult thing was opening the apartment door and walking out. Each trip became easer and part time became full time sooner than expected due to a layoff.

If you are well known for you skills as a dive master, I suspect people will continue to deal with out. To most CIS people, this is no longer a big deal and they want somebody who can provide the best service. Outside work, I worked in a sales trailer and never had issues with any customers. Because our knowledge and products were good, people would make a point to visit us whenever we set up.

[EmilyMK03]

You wrote in your forum profile that you live in Chicago.  Is that still correct?  If so, there are a lot of resources for you in the city.

• 
  Howard Brown Health Center is an LGBT-friendly clinic that provides transgender services such as therapists, doctors, and even informed consent HRT.  There are also several transgender support groups that meet there.  Check the website for more information.


• Center on Halsted is an LGBT community center, and you can find transgender support groups there too.  Again, check the website for upcoming events.
  

I suggest coming out to a few friends and/or family first if you haven't done that yet.  Transitioning is hard, and it really helps to have some allies as you move forward.  But if you are unwilling or unable to, then you will find new friends at one of those locations.  Go to the transgender support groups.  Meet other people who are like you.  That is a good way to start.

[PrincessCrystal]

Get a therapist.  Start small.  Work your way up.

[Maggiee17]

Thank you everyone for your help i guess i need to find someone close to come out to first but i cant think of anyone i feel comfortable enough with right now.  how did you all first do it?

[JoanneB]

Having taken my fair share of diving classes I can emphasize with your angst. Twice in my early 20's I experimented with transitioning. Between a total lack of self esteem and self confidence I was ill prepared. Add to that physically being the antithesis of female.

My diving, and swimming days are over with an almost B cup. Problem #2 for you. Problem #1 is finding a way to start, if that is what you really need to do. Better yet, is first defining why right now you feel you cannot. In other words, "What is REALLY stopping you?" A very difficult question to answer. Still is for me this day seven years into fighting the Trans-Beast for real

How I started was to first try to really understand me. I knew I was an emotional mess with one life disaster after another which I reason was how I was NOT handling being trans. For me "Transition" is "To change". I took steps to understand me, why I do/feel/act the toxic ways I did and change them. Foremost, changing how I saw myself.

It took a lot of hard work to loose my Shame and Guilt accumulated over a lifetime of being trans. I spent a lifetime living up to others, as well as my expectations "Of a Man". Failure was not an option. Being a man was what was expected. I was never a real man. Oh how I loath hearing "You're not like other guys". It ultimately ended badly when they discovered just how much I was not "Like" other guys.

After I put in the hard work of changing me from the inside, I had the strength to change myself on the outside. I discovered the shear joy of actually being able to be the real me in the real world.

For help in getting started, my saviors were found in a local TG Support group and the local library. I was floored after a lifetime of being trans, to be in a room filled with people whose life stories and feelings practically mirrored my own. The library was a great source of countless "Self-Help" books to help me sort out myself, give me pointers, help lessen the toxic thought patterns which ruled my "I gotta be a Guy" way of living

[Rylie M]

I chose my sister first and foremost simply because shes openly bi and was once married to someone who transitioned I knew she would be 100% behind me and I was right every so often she stops by with more clothes for me or gives me tips on makeup etc altho because of her ex it is a little hard on her.

[Maybebaby56]

Thank you everyone for your help i guess i need to find someone close to come out to first but i cant think of anyone i feel comfortable enough with right now.  how did you all first do it?

I started small.  I started by seeing a gender therapist to make sure I had an objective reality filter on my feelings and desires. I acknowledged the enormity of what I was proposing to do, and I was not at all convinced I could do it.  So I made smaller goals and gave myself permission to fail.  If it got too much, or it was too scary, I would stop, and be okay with the knowledge that I tried, and transitioning was just not an option.

I let my hair grow.  Lots of guys have long hair.  I could always cut my hair, so that was no big deal. I started facial hair removal.  I figured there are lots of guys with little or no facial hair, so this was not an irreversible step either. I eventually got my ears pierced. That was actually a biggie.  Sure, lots of guys have pierced ears, but to me that was unmistakably feminine, and I worried about what my wife would say, even though we were separated, or my kids, or my coworkers. I could always take out the studs and the holes would close up. So I did it. I did get comments, both from my wife and at work, but then it was no big deal.

About ten months later, I decided to try HRT.  I could always stop if I didn't like the effects.  The problem was that I loved the effects.  My dysphoria vanished.  So did my libido, but that to me was a bonus.  For the first time in my life I felt complete, like I was supposed to be this way.  That sealed the deal.  I decided I would transition. There was no going back.

Since then, I have gone through much scarier things than piercing my ears.  The first times out in public dressed.  Facial feminization surgery.  Coming out to my family and friends.  Coming out at work (that is still in progress).  Now I am to the point where I am just taking care of business.  Getting my name changed. Changing my government ID.  Getting my gender changed at the SSA and with the DMV.  Changing back accounts, insurance etc.

The point is, it is hard, and it is scary.  It is also painful, and it is expensive.  But if you truly want to live your life and be happy, it is all worth it, and it does get easier eventually.  You find that living for yourself is a lot better than trying to live for everybody else. 

Blessings to you,

Terri

[Donna]

I understand about being taken seriously in your profession. However you are at a much better time in your life to just go for it than I am, since I have 2 20-ish year old children who might be ok and a wife who does not want me to transition. Now is a great time.
As to diving.
I go surfing at Washington State's most popular surf beach as Donna wearing my breast forms and a woman's wetsuit.
Men give me respect when they see me surf.
I ride a motorcycle wearing a woman's motorcycle jacket to get to the beach.
Men give me respect on the motorcycle.
I cut down trees with my chainsaw wearing a bra and breast forms.
You can do it!

[LoganMerrill4L]

Take the plunge! Life is way too damn short to spend another single second as anything but your true self! You know who you are, you accept yourself and that is all that matters.
If therapists aren't helping seek the help of a doctor(s). They'll be able to help you medically transition more than a therapist can.
Good luck on your journey!

[mazzy_m]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation—really ready to start, but can't even think about fully transitioning for at least a few years. Turns out there are all kinds of things you can do!

I found a good clinic (the excellent Mazzoni Center in Philadelphia) so I would be "in the system", and then started on a low dose of E and a not so low dose of Fin (an anti-androgen). Super happy with this. Even on such a low dose my body and face have changed quite a bit, but to anyone not in the know I just look like I've lost a bunch of weight (which was actually muscle mass). My moods are much improved, and it just feels good to know I'm doing *something*. In your case, the anti-androgens might help delay any further masculinization, hair loss, and the like. And you can always stop!

It is never too soon to start working on your voice. Lots of good suggestions here in the forum, and lots of stuff on YouTube.

And you could look around for a good electrologist and see what that's all about. Seems like everyone always says they wished they had started electro sooner.

Coming out is hard, but so far me the anticipation has been way worse that the actual experience, and everyone has been supportive. Kind of how I was super nervous the first time I posted here 

Hope that helps a little!