Start of my Journey

[sarina13]

Hello, thanks for clicking

  So I'm currently at a rather pivotal period in my life right now. I'll do my best to give a condensed version of events but ultimately, I've reached the conclusion that I am Transgender (in the broadest sense of the word, its currently how I feel best describes my situation but maybe it'll change?). I was born with a stand up wee-wee either way.

  About 3 months ago, it would be fair to say I had a mental breakdown. I was not happy with my self, my life, my job, and the mask I have to wear every day. Years of denial about what I was feeling inside built up and resulted in me suffering the worst depressive episode of my life, being unable to think, speak or even complete basic functions.

I have a very understanding partner and she insisted that I go see my doctor, who got me on some SSRI's and referred me to a CBT service. It was through this that I felt able to open up to my partner about my dysphoria and how unhappy I truly am.

Currently, I am on a waiting list to see the regional gender dysphoria team in my area, but its a long wait. (NHS funds are quite lacking in this dept.) Months perhaps. It feels too long, and I am very adamant to start hormones as soon as I can as I believe this will alleviate all my symptoms and really get me on the path to being truly me.

Then there's my family, a major concern for me is how they are going to take it. Its a great horrible stress, every day having to keep lying to people I love and putting the mask back on. But I don't feel I can come-out, as it were.

I'm currently not working, but I have hobbies I enjoy and lots of wonderful people around me. I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, but its so foggy in here! My life feels flipped upside down and I'm still trying to get my bearings. Online shopping certainly is a savior though! I've been filling my wardrobe out with wonderful sleek fashionable clothes I would've been to ashamed to wear just 6 months ago, and truly embracing my feminine side!

I'll probably stop there. I guess I need support, advice, people to talk to. People in a similar boat. So, Hi I guess.
Hope this is in the right place, I feel like I might be
Thanks for reading!

[Jacqueline]

Sarina,

Welcome to the site.

Much of what you describe seems similar to what I had happen when I turned 50. I am glad you are starting to get help.

HRT is an enticing thing when it seems so far away. I am not saying anything against it. What I am saying is that this is a long slow process. Practicing patience and coping skills are two of your best strategies.

A therapist is the other. I guess you will be assigned one through NHS(I am in the US an less aware of how it works). I want to say if you have the resources, that some people have gone to private therapists to get started.  I guess one can be booked sooner that way.

Good luck. We have a pretty large membership from all over. I suspect there will be other members who can speak to your specific experience with more geographic expertise.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

Oh, yes. I plan to move this topic to the Introductions category.

With warmth,

Joanna

[V M]

Hi Sarina 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Anne Blake]

Hello Sarina, I think we all agree that a transgender life is not something that any of us would choose nor would wish on anyone that we care about. I agree with Joanna that gender therapy is the place to start. I will also suggest that finding/developing support around you is essential. An internet search should help you to locate lgbt+ organizations in your local area. Finding similar minded folks for you and your wife to process with can be a great help, it has been for my wife and me. Also, please recognize that this is a journey that may well continue for the rest of your life, you can not hurry it nor should you try, there are some awesome steps along the way, too good to be missed. Good luck and please keep us posted with your progress.

Anne