As the title suggests, I've been stalking the forums here off and on for a while, but had a question I decided to ask in another section, so finally registered... ^_^
I don't like cliches, so decided to post a "brief" history of what lead up to my transition. I was diagnosed with a good number of things when I was younger, including ADHD, ODBD (Oppositional Defiant Behavior Disorder), and depression... all the way back to be 7 or 8. It was later diagnosed as Asperger's a form of Autism.
Back then, my closest friends were an equal number of boys and girls... and bullied equally as well... >_<
Even when young, before sexuality was involved, I did not like or dislike "playing house", but liked the company. I liked electronics and female fashions... but of course, was not "allowed" to wear them.
Fast forward to middle through high school, and all but one best friend was female (3 to 1). Through high school, I was constantly made fun of for being "gay", because of my personality and being raised by a single (but dysfunctional) mother. I never questioned the wearing things anymore, and in fact, was more self-conscious of what I would wear being "too girly" from my teenage years until a few years being married, due to the bullying taking it's toll, and church doctrine of dressing. I did, however, occasionally try on female clothes that I bought from Goodwill or found riding my bike (washing of course), once I was on my own.
I was self-conscious about what I wore because I was already the outcast for my issues. The Autism issues I have/had were because I've had trouble being accepted socially: I've never had in mind "the man I want to be", and had trouble understanding people until I learned psychology. Even then, I was always uncomfortable in my own skin, probably part of the reason for the depression.
I, instead, lived dressing vicariously for a while through my wife, buying clothes for her on sale and clearance while she was at work that I liked. I was stuck in binary gender roles and requires due to the church for a while. During that time period, I had a dream where a princess needed a body double, and they used me for it: and I enjoyed doing so, though I was confused about my enjoying it for a while, and brushed it off, until years later when the church I was in made my reevaluate my positions. I'm still a Christian, but realize how edited the bible is, partially because I'm into other spiritual stuff.
A year or two ago, being into cosplay, I bring up to my wife the idea of my cosplaying a girl character. My excuse, while still true, was to see how others react to seeing a girl with my personality, as a social/psychology experiment. However, subconsciously, it was because I wanted to see if I'd be accepted as a female. Mind you, I never had the opportunity, other than in online games.
That leads to this year. While I'm not sure how I directly came out about it to my wife, she was confused/concerned, but reluctantly accepted it (compared to the only friend I told, who thought it was hot lol). I've been on estradiol since early May, and find it's helped me many ways with some issues I've previously had: The depression, the social angst of feeling pressured to act a certain "masculine" way, and my brain just feel more clear, like part of the other diagnosis(es) was actually a hormone imbalance... which wouldn't surprise me: both parents have it, and I'm glad to find something that actually WORKS, unlike what I was prescribed across the years...
But to digress, it lead me to signing up here for a few questions I have, from experience/how-tos, to what might look best on me as a transgender... ^_^;
If you stayed with me this long, you deserve a gold star!....
✮Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!
Seriously though, now I have something to point people at if I feel someone assumes about or judges me.
