Questions

[SiobhánF]

People have been asking my wife questions about my transitioning and it really makes me feel as if they are questioning my validity. Below are some questions that they ask.

• Why now? Why did you wait until now to come out and transition?
• It doesn't make sense. Why would you have five kids and then decide to transition?
• (From the wife) How come you didn't say anything before we got married?
• If you want to be with women, why not keep your penis? Why would you mutilate yourself, if not for wanting to be with a man?
• (From wife's psychiatrist)Is he sure? There are those who regret transitioning. Did he get an actual diagnosis?

Things like that. I've explained to my wife, ad nauseam, that I didn't come out before the marriage because I had not acknowledged it until now. I'd been in a state of denial and repression, due to my upbringing. She still doesn't get it. I had kids with my wife because I wanted kids and I wanted to have them with her. For those who question why I would want SRS/GRS, I've always wanted a vagina and have never been comfortable with having a penis.

To the A-hole psychiatrist who has no experience with transgender issues, taking the position of not doing something simply because there are those who exist that have regretted their decision is one of the dumbest reasons for not doing something.

Basically, my answer to everyone is: I would rather live with the consequences of transitioning than to die regretting never having pursued what I felt was right in my heart. At this point, either I transition and love myself, or avoid it and continue with depression and possibly suicide. One way or the other, people are going to lose me, or I'm going to lose them, due to their ignorance and non-understanding/faux compassion. It's questions like the ones above that both anger me and cause me undue stress.

[Mariah]

Transition in the end is really all about us and others either need to figure out where they stand on it. Yes, we are going to lose some and we will gain others. I can't speak as to why the psychiatrist said that, but can say they likely don't know the full story of your case and situation. Further more, they only have the word of your wife to go on. As a result, questions like that one will occur sadly. The questions from your wife is a common one and they happen for different reasons. All you can do is educate her and show her and the rest really is up to her. I would say that they are questioning your validity as its more they are trying to understand, cope, and even figure out how didn't I see this along with was there anyway to avoid being in this situation now. Remember she is processing things just as you are yourself. I always like to say that when we transition those around us transition too which is true they do. Hang in there and good luck
Hugs
Mariah

[SiobhánF]

Remember she is processing things just as you are yourself. I always like to say that when we transition those around us transition too which is true they do.

That's so true. I just said this very thing to my wife last night; that I'm not the only one transitioning, but that everyone in my life will be transitioning into what I will become.

I agree that people will have their own way of coping with it, so I'm not trying to be too sensitive about it, but it's difficult to feel anything but invalidated. I'll come to terms with it, eventually. I knew the road would be difficult, but I had no idea. I'll just have to deal with it as it comes.

[Rachel]

I have gotten those questions (1 child though).

The questions can feel invalidating and at times tiring to inform people and answer their questions. Most people are curious  Most people are understanding and some are not. I have so many more people to talk to now than before. I naturally gravitate to the nice people.

After a while all the questions are answered and people lose focus and move on to something else.

If you follow WPATH 7 for procedures then the chance for regret is very low. There is regret from some of the people I am separating from.  Each step I take feels better and the dysphoria is reduced.

[SiobhánF]

I get it. People are going to have questions and I'm open to them. Perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive. I'm not even at the hardest part of this thing. If there was a magic pill that would do it all at once, I'm sure many of us would have taken it long ago. But, as we live in the real world, things have to be handled within the boundaries of said real world. I will just need to come up with some way to get information across in the most understandable way. It is what it is.