Lack of acceptance

[Larisa]

It is not even like some seem to think Im serious when they find out I am a girl inside or think Im a freak. Only a few know and one was not accepting like she said she was, another I think thought I was joking who I lost contact with and another after I told her and she seem accepting has never spoken to me since.

It sucks cause just because they see a boy, they do not think Im a girl. It makes me nervous if anyone else knew. Like would people just run away from me. I almost feel like do I have to prove this to them but If i show them, they will just so oh it's just hair, makeup, clothes and you acting now stop being silly which would just hurt more if they said that to me. It's been bothering me again for a few days again.

[Annarko]

Well, you're further along than me. I haven't discussed how I feel about myself to anyone except my gender therapist. My wife accepted my wanting to dress in the bedroom and she even supports me by buying me sexy clothes and doing my makeup once and a while , but even she may not accept me if I decide to go full time. I worry I might lose her and friends and even my job once that time comes. But I would hate myself if I didn't acknowledge my own dysphoria. No one should have to feel out of place in their body.

[DawnOday]

This is my opinion and that is all. But, it appears to me being a relative newbie although I have been crossdressing from an early age. The best thing I ever did was talk honestly with a therapist.  A lot of our problem as I see it is we seek stealth and passing at the expense of getting acceptance. Not every person in transition will be stunningly beautiful but they can relate their story on how their transition came to pass. Most story's I have read are emotional declarations of the struggle one has had from and early age in believing they were born different.  This does not appear to be a choice as much as a quest to completeness. Let's face the facts. We will never be women, until we are able to bare babies. but we are human beings that deserve to be heard, that being the next best thing is good enough. The calmness I have found on estrogen is worth the explanation that my boobs can be identified under my clothes. My voice is not trying to misguide you into thinking "Dude" but rather I have raised my voice level to be able to pass and fit in. This is not a deception as much as a acknowledgement women are awesome. As I told my wife when I came out to her. I love women so much, I want to be one. 

[AngieT]

Let's face the facts. We will never be women, until we are able to bare babies.

I just can't accept that definition.  My wife never bore any children.  Does that mean that she's not a woman? 

We all have our own definitions of what a woman is.

* I have a vagina;
* I've lived exclusively as a woman for almost 14 years;
* I face the same daily challenges many/most women do;
* I share many of the same joys that other women enjoy;
* ALL daily acquaintances in my life have only ever known me as a woman;
* My parents acknowledge me as their daughter;
* My brothers and sister accept me as their sister;
* Nephews and nieces have only ever known me as their aunt;
* None of my co-workers in the past 14 years have ever questioned that I was anything other than a woman;
* My driver's license says I'm female;
* Social security records indicate that I'm female;
* With the exception of name and DOB, my birth certificate is identical to my sisters birth certificate;

I live the life of a woman.  I'm viewed by all to be a woman.  Legally and physically I'm a woman. 

All that considered, is potential for reproduction really the thing that defines who we are? 

A friend once told me that I couldn't be a woman because I hadn't lived my life as a woman.  I asked her if her new baby niece was a girl.  She said, "yeah, absolutely."  My response was that I had more "experience" being a woman than that child had.  She was declared a girl by virtue of a quick "peek underneath," and declared a girl because she had a vagina.  I'm no different.  If society accepts children based on genital inspection, why am I held to a different standard? 

Again, if my wife hasn't had kids, is she reclassified as something else, or can we accept that maybe what we are should be less about social classification, and instead be based on our self perception? 

We are what we believe ourselves to be.  Have faith, patience, and enjoy the ride to self acceptance. 

[JessicaSondelli]

Angie, you rock!!! Well said

Big hugs
Jessica


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[Annarko]

I agree, Great explanation Angie!

[Sandboxed]

I have to respectfully disagree Angie. I don't claim to be a woman, but I am a transwoman:-)

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[Stevie]

You are the only one that has to accept who you are.

[Raell]

It's not one's body that determines gender..it's what gender you know you are.

I don't "want" to be a male. I am one.

It doesn't matter that I'm only a partial transmale, resemble a pretty woman, and dress in androgynous clothes.
I know who I am.

Here in Thailand, people refer to me with male pronouns, since they base their gender observations on movement, direct eye gaze, behavior, the way one walks, etc., more than what gender those people resemble, or how they dress.

[TonyaW]

I have to respectfully disagree Angie. I don't claim to be a woman, but I am a transwoman:-)

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I have to respectfully disagree mostly.

Yes we are different and there are some experiences we can never know or share with cis-women. To break it down at the top though is to give credit to the notion that we are not real women.

We are women first and then you can break it down by trans or cis or anything else. 




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[Eva Marie]

Trying to define a set of physical characteristics that define what a woman is can be a very slippery slope. For every characteristic you might think of there is an exception. I have seen TERFs completely taken apart by astute transwomen when they try to base their arguments on this premise.

It is best just to accept whatever gender or classification a person considers themselves to be. They are the best judge of that.

Don't ever let someone dictate to you who you are - only you are qualified to know that.