Hi there. I signed up as Jennifer, because I like that name and I am not comfortable sharing my real name. I'm 34. I've been through a lot. Its been 2 months since the-big-awakening. I have lots of mixed emotions, but generally they are positive. I don't know where else to go for communicating with others, and I am comfortable communicating online, so I found
lgbtchat.net, and then saw it looked pretty sparce, and then found susans.org. It looks promising so here I am introducing myself.
12 years ago I was barely making it through life. I suffered from depression, anxiety, and a drug addiction due to said depression and anxiety. So I began taking anti-depressant SSRI medication. It helped me get out of my rut. It helped me keep my job and find a woman. She helped me get off my drug addiction. There was much love and we had two children.
Less than 2 years ago we reallocated to suburb near Portland for my new job.
This year, January, I got off my SSRI medication and onto a natural amino acid alternative that supplies my body with Serotonin (Tryptophan + Vitamin B). No more did I have to live with stunted emotions and a very bad memory and all the other side effects from SSRI medication. Attention readers: If your doctor/therapist put you on SSRI medication and never proposed a natural alternative to produce Serotonin, I very seriously and wholeheartedly recommend you to rethink your situation.
One more SSRI point: You don't know the side-effects until you get off SSRI. You can't feel it. Only after I got off SSRI did I realize that it stunted my emotions, memory, and more. I could cry the saddest cry and feel the happiest of joys. And then I realized I couldn't - and did not - experience those emotional highs and lows while on SSRI. Personally, that is a very dangerous thing. Emotional intelligence is the most important kind of intelligence, so stunted emotions really stunts every part of your waking life. Just don't do it.
I used to enjoy cross-dressing infrequently before. After getting off SSRI, I felt the need much more to cross-dress, but I couldn't really act it out. Also, at the time, I felt that it was just a fun thing to do more than anything else.
2 months ago, my wife gave me the news: she wanted a divorce. After much crying and sleepless nights and soul searching, it made sense. I accepted it. It was a good thing. For her. for myself. For our children. We are going through an amicable divorce. We both care for each other and our children. We are living apart but within a few minutes from each other to make it as easy as can be for our children. I am very thankful that we both are mature and respectful of each other and that we can provide love and support for the well being of our children, and that gives me happy tear.
So 2 months ago, after my heart had accepted the divorce, a ton of new feelings emerged. Some being freedom, happiness, and ton of bricks being lifted off my mind to give way to the feeling of peace.... And there were others.
First, felt that I really needed to dress as a woman. I mean, I really really needed to. Its not just for fun anymore. Its for me. For me to be the true me. I bought some clothes, some makeup, received fashion and makeup tips from a very kind, accepting friend of mine. I dress up every time I have the opportunity. The only times I don't are for work and when i care for the children half the time. But other than that, morning, noon, and night I dress as woman. I took the picture in my profile this morning. I think i'm on the right track.
Second, I remember that used to get the butterflies and fall in love with woman in the past. After soul searching I discovered that at some point a my marriage, that feeling just left. I didn't feel the butterflies for anything. After accepting the divorce, it came back, but its not the same. because now, I feel the butterflies when talking to attractive men. It feels strange. Strange is the best possible word i can give for a description.
I don't know how I identify myself as; I think the longer I embrace myself the more I will know how I identify.
Life is strange. Both of those feelings surprised me. They are brand new. In 2 months my life has performed a 180. I'm not afraid them; they are just my true feelings in my heart. All I need to do is be honest with myself and go with the flow. And thats what i'm doing.
So there you have it. Thats me in a nutshell without sharing too much private information.
Okay, and bio time. I'm a software developer. I just bought a Raspberry Pi 3 and am starting to hack around on it. The cheap piece-of-crap motherboard in my custom built PC died during the move (probably static electricity), so this time around I bought quality motherboard/ram/cpu hardware replacements, because i don't like the idea of gambling on purchasing the only available replacement for the aging CPU and RAM, which is a 6 year old refurbished motherboard (in PC land, never buy refurbished motherboards).
Well, thats it. I hope everyone is doing well today!
