Quote from: needhelp on November 30, 2016, 10:10:17 AM
Hey there, thought I'd stop by and share how I've been feeling. So I'm still having a hard time trying to figure out what I am... Straight, gay, trans? I'm very confused... it does feel like I am trans however...
Being confused usually means you've got too much on your plate right now. Of course you want answers, but you're not going to get them by trying to tackle the whole thing at the same time. Moreover, it'll most likely make you even more confused. So: take it easy. You don't have to save the world today.
Quote from: needhelp on November 30, 2016, 10:10:17 AM
Anyway, having a girlfriend is killing me as well, because I feel like I'm about to make her like a misery. In addition, I've come to realize that I only truly laugh around men and not with women (when my girlfriend makes a joke or something funny happens to her I force my laugh...), this also confuses me because it leads me to think that on top of being trans, I might be gay... But again, also not sure if this is a misconception up in my head...
Perhaps it's also a way of approaching the topic. You seem to want to rationalize your problems, but not all problems are like that. Sure, some things can be dealt with in a rational manner, but sadly these issues usually focus on material or societal problems, not on an emotional level. And, as with most things: it takes time.
Two steps forward, one step back. Be ready to take that step, it'll only do you good in the end.
Quote from: needhelp on November 30, 2016, 10:10:17 AM
Do MTF find other women boring for random reasons before they transition? Or only happens with MTF who later in life realize they like men (which makes them straight)
I know a lot of women that say women suck and are boring and men are fun... so maybe I'm deep down attracted to males, but as a woman? (I haven't started hormones or anything yet)..
Not sure if other MTF who then realized they liked men had the same issue, like they just could not laugh at what their SO did...
I think you're generalizing a bit here. We are all different, trans people exist in all ways, shapes and forms. Just like the rest of humanity, there's clever ones, sad ones, there's trans people with pointy ears, hell there's even trans-girls who like their AMAB-genitalia. It all exists, and it's all legitimate.
Whether others think, act or feel in a certain way doesn't influence your world in one bit. Moreover, it only makes things more complicated.
Look at it this way: Right now, you're this big ball of wool that's become a huge knot. Everything's tangled up. Sure, you want to use the wool to start knitting a nice sweater, but there's only one tiny thread of sticking out. So, you gently start pulling and unraveling. But help: the wool unravels in a different direction than you like! Still, you'd like your sweater, so you'll have to go with the thread, follow it where it leads you.
This process can take a while. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, since all of the unraveling will take you to places, feelings and thoughts you never thought you had in the first place. Perhaps there are other reasons playing into your confusion, perhaps they're related. Who knows. But only by taking the courage to follow the thread wherever it leads will you be able to get to the middle of your tangled up ball of emotions and feelings. In the end, it's a process of self-discovery and self-realization. Take your time, give yourself some pauses if need be and always remember:
Two steps forward, one step back.
Quote from: needhelp on November 30, 2016, 10:10:17 AM
Maybe I don't realize it and I don't really like women sexually? So once I get into a relationship with them I can't find anything funny or enjoyable due to the underlying anxiety? I'm starting to think maybe this is anxiety signaling that I'm the wrong gender right now, and that as well... I am dating the wrong sex as well.
I feel like offing myself a lot recently... I just don't know anymore 
...
There are people who're good at helping you unraveling it all. Good people, who don't want to see you hurt, sad or depressed. People who're going to be able to help you, whatever that help may be. Find them. You can ask a psychologist but better yet: ask around here on the forums, this place has thousands of users so there's a big chance somebody knows a good therapist close to you.
Good luck, you can do it!
