I really don't know what I will accomplish by writing this, but I seem driven to write it. I have always come to Susan's to learn, hopefully help someone else, and occasionally to vent. I love the people on here. It has always helped me keep a lid on my dysphoria. Since going full time that dysphoria had been getting a lot less. Lately things have gotten harder to deal with again. I am looking for GCS next June. Because of this I am driven to read everything I can about the surgery. I am so happy for those who recently got their surgery, I really am. I guess the obvious answer is stop looking dummy, but that drives me crazy too. On top of this I have the fear that something will happen to stop my surgery. I am hoping that expressing it might help. I don't know. I am like everyone else on this site facing that excruciating strong longing for something that is so out of reach. I know I am lucky with my circumstances and I feel guilty for whining, but... I guess I am not looking for anyone to fix my problem. I have just been getting really bitchy and crying a lot more lately. I want to thank Susan, the moderators, and the wonderful people who have become my friends on here. You are all amazing people. And crap, I am crying again!
Moni
