Coming out to my wife

[Cheyanne]

So I couldn't hold it in any longer and decided to come out to my wife tonight. My heart was racing because I didn't know what to expect. I had been dropping off hints over the past year in hopes to find an opening and I guess it prepared her for it.

When I told her it was like she was expecting it and I couldn't have been more relieved. She was very excepting and supportive. Apparently she had a friend who transitioned in the past so the awkwardness of transitioning isn't new to her, to my surprise. We ended up discussing nearly everything. I tried to be open to her questions. She did ask if I planned on having SRS. I said yes but it would be a while before that happens.

I could tell she was trying to be delicate with how she approached her questions. Eventually she got to a point where she was coaching me on things I need to work on that girls do and don't do. I could tell she was kind of seeing a brighter side of things but was still processing it.

All in all it was more than I could ask for and it is an amazing feeling to finally have someone I can talk to about being me. Too excited to go to sleep right now.

Also, hello everyone. This is my first post on this forum. I really couldn't have mustered up the courage to open up without the help of this site. Love you all and you will definitely be seeing more of me in the future. [emoji2]

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[Tessa James]

Hey Cheyanne,

Girl when you jump in it seems with both feet!  Congratulations for having that very important discussion with your wife.  Smart of you to have left hints and how wonderful that she is so supportive.  What a great start to one heck of a ride.

So welcome aboard and it sounds like you likely know what to expect?  One of the moderators will be by soon with a more official set of parameters.

[Michelle_P]

That's a remarkable start!  Welcome, and I hope you'll be able to get some help from us as well.

And congratulations on taking such a huge step already!

[Susan]

Take it slow and talk lots.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I hate it when I get the big introduction because it looks like I am asleep at the wheel which I almost am. In any case, congratulations on coming out to your wife and doing a good job at it. I think you will find the forum will continue to be a useful resource so make regular visits for information or just to bounce ideas off us. If there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

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[April_Girl]

I have this to do, but I'm so happy it's gone well for you

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[KathyLauren]

Congratulations, Cheyanne!  That is a huge step.  I am glad it went well for you and that you have a supportive partner.

[Denise]

Take it slow and talk lots.

Susan speaks wisely!

The other thing is to keep a journal.  It helped me when I was having BAD days (and you will) to read about and be reminded of the GOOD (EXCELLENT!?!) days.

Lotsa Hugs - Dee Dee

[zamber74]

I'm so happy for you!  I wish I had some advice to give you, but I'm rather new at this myself.  If you are anything like me, you are gonna feel amazing, then depressed, then amazing, then anxious, amazing, then god knows what else.  I do know how much of a relief it is, to let your loved one know, and it is amazing when they stay by your side.  Keep your head up, keep us updated, there are a lot of ladies here with invaluable advice, experiences and so on to help you along.

[Cheyanne]

Thank you all. I am definitely trying to take it slow, but I think she is just diving into it. We went Christmas shopping the other day and it started with her asking me what kinds of clothes I liked. Then she surprised me with a trip to old Navy to actually pick out clothes for me. It was nerve wrecking at first because I hadn't been shopping for female clothes in public before. As we continued it got easier for me to browse on my own.

I would like to point out that our marrage was pretty rocky. My wife had alot og baggage from a previous marrage, that has been following us for the past five years. I am almost certain that made it easier for me to come out. I just wanted to mention that for anyone, like myself, who reads these posts to for encouragement. Since coming out i feel our relationship is growing, but i am well aware that this could be just a phase to overcome the shock. We both know that things will get complicated as my transition continues and we plan on attending group counseling to help us coup.

Also I'm trying to keep the discussion open because I don't want her to feel as if talking or asking about my being transgender is taboo. With all the politically correct mambo jambo on the Internet, it starts dissuade people from talking in person. I know that whatever she has to say, it isn't meant to harm. So when she say "I don't know how to put it". I encourage her to say it how it makes sense to her and we will work it out. I think that has help her open up about it.

On another note, a journal is a great idea. I actually started one already when I finally made the decision to transition. I find that writing my thoughts out keeps them organized and I can really figure out what to do. I a sense I was officially coming out to myself.



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[Emileeeee]

That's how it went with my wife too. She was so excited about it, she actually seemed to want me to do it faster than I wanted to.

[Jacqueline]

Welcome.

Congratulations. That feels so good to do. I too have had support. Although it was not an excited support.

I am plus 1 on the communications thing. It makes even less accepting partners more accepting.