Hello everyone. The person within calls myself Nikita and is who I would be if I could just wake up in the body I should have been born with. I'm going to tell you my story which I am sure you have heard similar before but this one is mine so please indulge me.
From the time I first hit puberty I felt things were wrong... I felt that I should have nice breasts and a vagina. As a person I like the female body regardless of the organs between the legs on that female body. I throughout my teenage years would go to sleep at night wishing I would wake up with breasts of my own and an innie as opposed to an outie between my legs. Through most of my life I have shaved my body as if I was a woman, legs, underarms, landing strip, etc.
Fast forward to knocking on 40's door... I still feel the same way... like I should have been born a woman. I don't consider transitioning as I would like to have children some day and know that at least for now that it is beyond our medical science for me to do so as a woman. Instead I find myself searching for partners who will understand my feminine side. I'm fascinated with my nipples and love to have them played with... they are more sensitive than most males... I can reach sexual climax by proper stimulation of my nipples.
One thing I know is the older I have gotten the less I care what others think and the more I care about what I want and think. Since I was 18 I have slept in lingerie, pretended I have boobs, pretended the male organs between my legs don't exist. Recently I even ordered a pair of vacuum pumps to put on my breasts. Oh man, all I can say is I left them on for about 2 hours when I first got them and the swolen state of my chest made me smile... for the first time I have boobs. I put the pumps back on for another hour (oops... now i have a bunch of water blisters to deal with) just to see if i could get them any bigger. I put on the bra and the nightie I like and filled them both... an experience totally arousing for me. I want to continue to experiment with my breasts. how permanent can vacuum growth be? how big can you make them and still conceal them? Today after I finished I went out in public just so i could conceal what I had done and to feel them jiggle as I drove down a less than smooth road... some 3 hours later they are still nice and swolen and look great in my nightie. Sometimes I wonder how many people are like me. Sometimes I wonder if I could or should transition and even though I am over 6' tall i might just to be true to who I am aside from the fact that I want to procreate.
I'm sorry if this is in the wrong section. I welcome any comments or insight (including how to deal with water blisters). It feels odd reaching out, but liberating at the same time...
take care...
Nikita
