FTM in need of inspiration

[AlwaysCasey]

Hi, so I'm looking for other trans men to just give me a boost. I've had the massive moment and realisation that I'm transgender. I've told family and friends and I've told my doctor and am being referred. I'm 29 and am married to the most amazing women who just 'gets it' and loves me for me. We have been together for 9 years and although I've spoken about my feelings I've just never seen it's a possible option until now. We have a beautiful baby daughter using a donor and generally I consider myself to be one very lucky guy. Only one problem..... I look like a woman!

It all seems quite clear what I got to do. Hormones being the first step to making my body catch up with my head and then the rest of the options will follow in time. But can anyone just tell me about their experience. How their life changed once transitioning started. I just really need to reach out and hear your story because I feel really alone in this mad world!

Thanks, casey

Ps. I'll read everyone's comments but I do have an 18month old so replying won't be immediate! Cheers in advance

[FTMax]

You're definitely not alone Plenty of us here who are either doing or have done what you're about to do.

As far as my story...I didn't know that being transgender was a thing until I was 17, but when I heard the word and found out what it meant it made much more sense than any of the labels I had used for myself in the past. Due to life circumstances (finances, family support, college/grad school, etc.), I didn't end up coming out until I was 25. The upside to waiting so long to come out was that I had saved up enough money to essentially fast track my transition. I started HRT via informed consent at a local LGBTQ clinic, worked with a therapist for a few sessions to get a referral for top surgery, had top surgery, and updated all of my documents within the first six months of my transition. At my one year on T anniversary, I got my referrals for bottom surgery. This year I had a hysterectomy. I'm hoping to have my bottom surgery done next spring if everything works out right.

It's been a ride. Lots of highs and lows along the way. But overall, I feel more like me. I'm happier, I feel like I can actually enjoy my life, and I feel like I'm able to be authentic and real with people for the first time. I don't regret anything.

Wishing you luck as you get started!

[Raell]

I'm only a partial transmale, so don't need to do anything, but congratulations!

But acknowledging my male side, naming him, and owning being transgender was a great relief, minimizing panic attacks and depression. A natural Thai evergreen herb, derris scandens, seems to blend my dual gender personalities and remove much of the dysphoria, although I mostly dress androgynously..and borderline female for work.

[Ponce]

I'm new to this site too and just beginning my transition as well as I am now 1 month on T. It's been the best month. I'm 28 and I've known for about ten years this is what I needed but let my family bully me into not doing it. Don't get me wrong when I started therapy and told my parents this is what was going to happen they were upset, my father who is gay BTW didn't speak to me for 3 months but I knew this is what I needed to to and was sick of waiting. I know I'm new on the T train but the amount of confidence I've gotten just in this first month has meant everything. I'm no longer have anxiety attacks, I feel great and look forward to my weekly shots. Honestly the only thing I'm angry about is that I waited so long to embrace myself and accept that I deserve to be happy. Don't worry about anyone else, make yourself happy and everything just kinda falls into place. 10/10 best thing I've done in my life I can't wait for my top surgery.

[Kylo]

Nearly 3 months on T here. A lot of inhibitions, stresses and anxieties are already gone, T apparently works quickly on me and I am enjoying all the changes. The path ahead seems clear and the only downside so far is the waiting.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I had terrible dysphoria about my chest so I sought out top surgery first, which was definitely worth it. I think I gained an inch because I stand up straight now. Anyway, my therapist convinced me to look into T. Thank goodness. HRT has changed my life. I was having some cognitive problems on estrogen and T cleared them up. After a few months, I started feeling more connected--like my insides and outsides were lining up. The changes in fat distribution plus the surgery mean I can wear men's clothing again, which makes me feel great. After 10 months I'm finally starting to pass face wise so I'm not constantly facing the daily repeated misgendering at work that used to make me feel like garbage at the end of the day. T is weird, you don't always get what you want--I have these random chin hairs that definitely aren't a beard but I have some pretty grody nose hairs already. Why.

When I first started T the estrogen system threw a tantrum and I had some hot flashes and stuff but that was all over by 3 months. I also would have worsening mood as my T levels dropped leading up to injection day. My endo pooh poohed this but turns out a lot of guys have this experience when starting T. I seem to be more even now.

I wish I could say I got off anti depressants but what actually happened is that I had to get off Lithium because I started having side effects and had to start a different drug. I survived an abusive childhood so I wasn't just depressed because of not transitioning.

People at work have been pretty good about switching to my preferred name and the sane managers overruled the nutty managers about using my preferred name in the schedule. I have gotten my passport and SS info updated but I haven't done the legal name change yet because I've been in the middle of a separation and it ate up all my time. I'm getting outed by my credit card now so it's definitely time.

[Jacqueline]

I'm new to this site too and just beginning my transition as well as I am now 1 month on T. It's been the best month. I'm 28 and I've known for about ten years this is what I needed but let my family bully me into not doing it. Don't get me wrong when I started therapy and told my parents this is what was going to happen they were upset, my father who is gay BTW didn't speak to me for 3 months but I knew this is what I needed to to and was sick of waiting. I know I'm new on the T train but the amount of confidence I've gotten just in this first month has meant everything. I'm no longer have anxiety attacks, I feel great and look forward to my weekly shots. Honestly the only thing I'm angry about is that I waited so long to embrace myself and accept that I deserve to be happy. Don't worry about anyone else, make yourself happy and everything just kinda falls into place. 10/10 best thing I've done in my life I can't wait for my top surgery.

Ponce,

Welcome to the site. Congratulations on getting started. time to live as your best self.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.

With warmth,

Joanna

[SpeakYourMind]

Hi, so I'm looking for other trans men to just give me a boost. I've had the massive moment and realisation that I'm transgender. I've told family and friends and I've told my doctor and am being referred. I'm 29 and am married to the most amazing women who just 'gets it' and loves me for me. We have been together for 9 years and although I've spoken about my feelings I've just never seen it's a possible option until now. We have a beautiful baby daughter using a donor and generally I consider myself to be one very lucky guy. Only one problem..... I look like a woman!

It all seems quite clear what I got to do. Hormones being the first step to making my body catch up with my head and then the rest of the options will follow in time. But can anyone just tell me about their experience. How their life changed once transitioning started. I just really need to reach out and hear your story because I feel really alone in this mad world!

Thanks, casey

Ps. I'll read everyone's comments but I do have an 18month old so replying won't be immediate! Cheers in advance

Nah, there are so many of us out there you'll never be alone.
When i was very little i always acted like a boy but considered myself a girl because that's what others told me
although it never felt true i just didn't understand what anything was so i considered myself a tomboy and lived life.
I got older and i was always bullied for being boyish or looking like a boy i hated having to conform to the stereotypes of what girls should look like or what girls should be interested in and over time it started killing me inside.
First i thought i was gay and ran with it for a while because i liked girls and i thought it made perfect sense!
(Even though i'm more pansexual or bisexual) And then to cut to the chase i hit 19 there is more things that happened in between but i'd rather not write a entire book maybe i will someday though. Letting you grasp my basic life at 19 i realized something was going on so i started exploring and i got more masculine by the end of everything i found susan's place along with other websites i found what i could and said what i could by the end of 19 i had come to terms with realizing i was transgender. By 22 i was on HRT and here i am now happy more happy then i would be if i would have never realized who i was or found these's websites and wonderful people. So you're not alone! but you wanted to know a story and that's mine it's shortened but i'm sure you can find more about me if you look at my posts.
My journey was long i'll tell you that and i never expected to be trans but i am and im happy.
  Here is something humorous and sad actually, it could have been discovered sooner because i found susans place when i was 13 and for a quick moment i thought about it but got scared and backed away.
Although either way i came back  and found me.

[VictorMike]

I have always known I wanted to be a boy but didn't know what it was or how to do it.  I was 45 when I started to transition.  I have been married to the most amazing woman for 16 years and we have two kids.  The kids, like my wife have always known that I was a man on the inside.  Ironically because I am military, I had to pretend to be a lesbian so i wouldn't be kicked out until now.  My wife told people that I was more man than the guys she dated before.  I am about a year into my HRT and shopping around for top and bottom Drs. I feel great walking around with my wife and kids without raising any eyebrows.  I am also very excited to walk into the men's room and just do my business without anyone doing a double take.  I recently went to Macy's to look at suits and the sales clerk was very happy to help me and kept saying how about this suit Sir?  It felt so amazing!  My kids are 13 and 11 and they are so good with my transition.  It makes me feel so beyond when my kids call me Dad. 

[patrick1967]

At 49 and just realizing why I felt a disconnect from myself previously about 3 years ago and only beginning medical transition going on 3 months ago i may be in the minority. Hope that is easier understood than it sounds. I was a "girly girl" trying to fit the norm for many years. I still find myself absentmindedly trying to pluck my chin whiskers lol. But I feel better about myself, feel more confident and secure now that I am transitioning. There are alot of us here, feel free to join the conversation and the family. You are more than welcome