One crazy week and I'm full time

[Gemini]

About a month ago I had probably the craziest week of my life, which started when I dragged myself to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I didn't know it, but if anyone is attending their first meeting, they make it a "first step" meeting where everyone talks about how alcohol was messing up their lives and they couldn't stop drinking on their own. Which was exactly where I was in my life, so I picked up a white chip to start the program.

Five days later I'd made it five days without drinking and found myself getting ready to go to work one morning, and I couldn't make myself present as male. Not without drinking. It was either call out or go as myself...so I lay all my cards on the table and went as myself. I'd only told my boss I was trans, but I figured it wouldn't shock anyone too much. And it didn't. Not the people who knew me the best.

I really should have made the transition less abrupt though, and I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing that. But it worked out for me.

I have such a long way to go though. I haven't been social at all since I was like 9 years old and it's hella difficult for me not to isolate. Being rejected for who I am was such a part of my social experience when I was a kid that it's hard for me to believe things can be different.

You can't succeed if you don't try, though, and at least I'm trying now.




*No Profanity Please*

[KathyLauren]

Congratulations on coming out, and especially on doing what you needed to do to stay sober.  Life sometimes unfolds in strange ways, but you are on a good road now.  Stay strong.

[Michelle_P]

Gemini, it takes a tremendous amount of inner strength to start attending AA meetings.

It takes a tremendous amount of inner strength to come out and present as yourself to others who know you, and to go full time.

You're not just trying.  You're succeeding.  Congratulations on being so strong and remarkable.

You'll continue to succeed, too.

[Tessa James]

Congratulations on those major steps forward Gemini.  Wow you owned it girl!  Alcohol never made me smarter, funnier or more attractive but yes, it can lead to further isolation.  I flirt with the ETOH abuse and recently decided to stop all together.  Booze has been an inadequate coping technique for too many for too long.  I find the 12 step programs unhelpful but we know that other options exist and just quitting still works too;) Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired; HALT is an acronym that helps me recognize some common triggers for boozing.  I trust you are proud of yourself and reasonably so!

Your picture is lovely and I just need to recall how relieved and happy I was when I also came out abruptly and forever.  Glad we can't put that genie back in her bottle eh?  Anyway OUT is better than the shame and guilt ridden closet life I knew.  Now i cry with an emotional depth I also never knew before transition.  So good to go, as you note, as myself.

[Devlyn]

Yays for both accomplishments!    You're grabbing life by the horns.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Alora]

I really want to congratulate you on going to that first meeting and picking up that first 24hr chip. That can sometime be the toughest thing to admit to yourself. The most important thing is keep doing what YOU need to do to stay sober. Listen to what others have to say, but don't let them dictate what is best for YOU.

I have only been out of the closet for less then a month now. And for years before that, alcohol has been a major coping mechanism for me. I was literally pissing my life away. Getting a DUI, going through rehab, having been assigned to attend meetings, paying court fines and so much more. None of it really help. I never really connected with anyone at meeting. Up until a month ago I was drinking a 6pack every other night. And I was doing that during my rehab. I'm a damn good lier, and it's not something I'm proud of. [emoji17]

Since acknowledging who I really am, I have felt a major burden lift from my shoulders. I haven't wanted any alcohol. Socially, I've had a beer when I meet up with some friends instead of the traditional 4-5. I feel so much better. In the last month I can count on one hand the number of drinks I've had.

Congratulations again. And remember...

Just take it one day at a time! And I'm not talking about alcohol, I'm talking about life.

Loves [emoji182]❤️[emoji182]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[V M]

Hi Gemini

Congrats on taking both of those first steps, coming out can be a scary experience and beating alcoholism is best done earlier than later

Wishing you all the best to stick with it

Hugs

[LizK]

Coming out and keeping sober...fantastic well done.

So happy you made a decision for life!!

Liz

[Raell]

Congratulations, Gemini! Amazing courage.

[Cindy]

Gemini,
Well done darling!
Too many drink themselves into oblivion or worse. I know.

You are a strong woman, be proud.

Cindy

[Gemini]

Thank you so much everyone! I think you're right, Alora, about not letting other people dictate what's right for me. AA has been a huge help in making it through the first few weeks of sobriety, but I haven't seen any other trans people there and I very often find myself unable to relate to what people share. I'm going to try to take my life one day at a time and not let that get to me.

Tessa James--thank you! I do catch myself thinking that I could cope with loneliness better if I drank, and it helps to be reminded of where that took me. A very, very lonely place, with a bunch of other problems.

Hey Cindy! I've been following your blog and you're such an inspiration to me. You're one of the first women who helped me to be honest with myself about my drinking problem and I'm forever grateful.

[Rachel]

Congratulations on coming out and starting recovery. You made two right choices

I have been clean and sober 18 years, you can do it. I will never miss being sick every day, doing stupid things, getting into trouble or rehab. I had to eliminate friends who had addiction issues too. They kept offering me stuff over and over. My family has addiction issues too. A bunch died from alcohol and or drugs including my brother recently.

When I stayed at my sisters she went out that first day and got two half gallons of whisky. I think she has an issue as she drank when she first got up. Her husband is an alcoholic too( a very erratic personality as soon as he starts drinking he get somewhat nice) and their son living with them is on sodoxone for his heroine addiction.

I have found that addressing my issues head on and not putting them off and ruminating about them greatly reduced my need to get numb.

Good luck

[SailorMars1994]

That is so awesome! happy for you, you are a brave girl <3

[DawnOday]

About a month ago I had probably the craziest week of my life, which started when I dragged myself to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I didn't know it, but if anyone is attending their first meeting, they make it a "first step" meeting where everyone talks about how alcohol was messing up their lives and they couldn't stop drinking on their own. Which was exactly where I was in my life, so I picked up a white chip to start the program.

Five days later I'd made it five days without drinking and found myself getting ready to go to work one morning, and I couldn't make myself present as male. Not without drinking. It was either call out or go as myself...so I lay all my cards on the table and went as myself. I'd only told my boss I was trans, but I figured it wouldn't shock anyone too much. And it didn't. Not the people who knew me the best.

I really should have made the transition less abrupt though, and I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing that. But it worked out for me.

I have such a long way to go though. I haven't been social at all since I was like 9 years old and it's hella difficult for me not to isolate. Being rejected for who I am was such a part of my social experience when I was a kid that it's hard for me to believe things can be different.

You can't succeed if you don't try, though, and at least I'm trying now.




*No Profanity Please*

Imagine growing up with no internet. Only knowledge of four or five pathfinders before you. Making a transition back then would have been extremely hard. I'm talking about the late 70's. Different time different place although change is moving at a glacial pace.

As you progress through your AA experience, they will be talking about "higher powers". I decided my kids were mine. I stopped cold turkey, everything. Drugs, booze, cigarettes. Good on you for taking the first steps. Sometimes fear of the unknown cripples us into thinking what is the use. Then you decide. Hey my life is worth something. Luckily you are at an age where you can make a difference on other people. They look up to you as an example of the possibilities. I think you have a definite place in our society as a leader of all those yet to come. Stay happy, stay healthy and stay on track. You have friends cheering for you. If you ever need help in your recovery, I am just a PM away.

<3  Dawn

[Gemini]

Congratulations on coming out and starting recovery. You made two right choices

I have been clean and sober 18 years, you can do it. I will never miss being sick every day, doing stupid things, getting into trouble or rehab. I had to eliminate friends who had addiction issues too. They kept offering me stuff over and over. My family has addiction issues too. A bunch died from alcohol and or drugs including my brother recently.

When I stayed at my sisters she went out that first day and got two half gallons of whisky. I think she has an issue as she drank when she first got up. Her husband is an alcoholic too( a very erratic personality as soon as he starts drinking he get somewhat nice) and their son living with them is on sodoxone for his heroine addiction.

I have found that addressing my issues head on and not putting them off and ruminating about them greatly reduced my need to get numb.

Good luck

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I totally get you on ruminating about problems rather than doing something about them. That's me to a tee! I'm going to try to spend less time alone being anxious about having anxiety and more time getting out and meeting people!

Imagine growing up with no internet. Only knowledge of four or five pathfinders before you. Making a transition back then would have been extremely hard. I'm talking about the late 70's. Different time different place although change is moving at a glacial pace.

As you progress through your AA experience, they will be talking about "higher powers". I decided my kids were mine. I stopped cold turkey, everything. Drugs, booze, cigarettes. Good on you for taking the first steps. Sometimes fear of the unknown cripples us into thinking what is the use. Then you decide. Hey my life is worth something. Luckily you are at an age where you can make a difference on other people. They look up to you as an example of the possibilities. I think you have a definite place in our society as a leader of all those yet to come. Stay happy, stay healthy and stay on track. You have friends cheering for you. If you ever need help in your recovery, I am just a PM away.

<3  Dawn

Hey Dawn! I've got two boys, six and eight years old, and they're a big part of the reason I decided to get help. I've been thinking a lot about a higher power and I really hope there's a God, because I could use all the help I can get. But I like your higher power! I think that'll work for me too