My Reaction to a Transwoman in the Everyday World

[LizK]

  No one wants a stranger walking up to them and announcing the fact they clocked them - even another trans person.  I'm sure if they want to talk about their gender identity, they will bring it up.

Hope this helps!

Claire

If it happened to me I would be annoyed with the other trans person because they should know better....

Liz

[luna nyan]

I do have find the situation interesting when I'm out and about and come across a trans person.  Similarly a list of thoughts rush through my head.

1.  I check what they're wearing and how well put together the outfit is!
2.  Then the hair and the make up.
3.  Voice.  As it's one of those things that bugs me personally (seeing I have trouble with it), it'll either be complete jealousy or feeling bad for the person depending on the voice.  Completely understand if it's not a concern at all, but for me, a passable voice would be important for transition.
4.  Then I wonder whether or not I've been reverse clocked.  HRT has done enough to me that I can be mistaken as a FTM for people who know.
5.  Final thought is JUST GET ON WITH THINGS and be nice.

[Nuuni]

Honestly, I am early enough in my transition that I wish I knew ways to subtly get other trans people to clock ME without outing them. I'm never sure how to crack that disguise on myself.

[Claire_Sydney]

Honestly, I am early enough in my transition that I wish I knew ways to subtly get other trans people to clock ME without outing them. I'm never sure how to crack that disguise on myself.

This makes the assumption that the other person WANTS to discuss their (or your) gender identity or transness.

I don't necessarily feel like I owe anyone a face-to-face conversation in a public setting about being transgender.  Especially if I am with work colleagues, family or friends - but even if I was alone.


A trans person who approaches me unsolicited on a busy train wanting to talk about being trans is likely to get a fairly cold response.  I'd probably tell them that a more appropriate place for them to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger about being transgender is probably at a local support group.

[SadieBlake]

OP, I can relate. Where I live and work I encounter non-passing women and clearly non-binary presentations maybe weekly.

As trans people we are far from immune to the reality that identifying gender is the first thing most people do in an encounter, even just in passing with no interactions. I think we bring more to this in some ways than cis gender people because we may see ourselves, our aspirations or our fears when we read someone as trans.

My most recent interaction with a fellow mtf who was clearly failing to pass was looking for directions at the university where I work. Clearly flustered, in a rush she was attired in a short, thin sundress leaving a visible panty line I could only read her as a man in a dress -- exactly what I never want to look like.

I judged, wished for her that she could choose an outfit that was a little more flattering and once again resolving that if passing can only happen looking like this woman I want no part of it. All of this was response to myself and my own insecurities and so I also kept in mind that I've also been out in outfits that didn't work very well and internally simply wished for her to be happy - which right then was simply about getting to her meeting

I smiled told her how to find her destination.

I more often see non-binary folks and again I judge but differently. I'm looking at what wouldn't work for me. One was a person with beard wearing something I might have taken to be an SCA costume slightly medieval dress and corset, I immediately wrote this off as a look I wouldn't want to affect. Another was a striking looking tall brunette, mostly attired male/androgynous but with prominent cleavage and no shortage feminine accessories; that was a look I took in to borrow from.

And then there are all of the genderqueer seemingly mtfs one sees around a liberal city. I suspect most of these prefer they/their pronouns and often I admire the flair they put into attire. I also know I will only put that kind of time into my appearance for special occasions.

Daily I begrudge the extra time it takes to properly care for my now longer hair, it's not a lot but I guard every second and if I LOVE sporting a ponytail (lowest possible maintenance), I also miss being able to just shampoo and go. Now a step of applying conditioner is necessary daily and I no longer go weeks at a time without shaving.

[Tessa James]

If being trans is your truth, and you're visibly trans -- you're passing as trans -- well, that's what you want, right?

I accepted that starting my transition with HRT at age 61 meant I would likely appear as obviously transgender.  What i wanted did not include the fantasy of time travel and wish fulfillment.  Sometimes I did not even pass as trans!  People asked me if I was doing drag, going to a party or was it Mardi Gras?   Sheesh, I finally consented to telling my real narrative in the daily newspaper.  I learned to further accept myself and others with an interesting history.  Not splitting hairs but, I would guess most of us think "passing" means passing as cis?   Always subject to interpretation and perspective eh?

[Sophia Sage]

I accepted that starting my transition with HRT at age 61 meant I would likely appear as obviously transgender.  What i wanted did not include the fantasy of time travel and wish fulfillment.  Sometimes I did not even pass as trans!  People asked me if I was doing drag, going to a party or was it Mardi Gras?   Sheesh, I finally consented to telling my real narrative in the daily newspaper.  I learned to further accept myself and others with an interesting history.  Not splitting hairs but, I would guess most of us think "passing" means passing as cis?   Always subject to interpretation and perspective eh?

Well, the whole concept of "passing" is interesting, especially because (iirc) it was primarily in the context of race relations, of "passing as white."  It's still in that context that I think the term is primarily used, as that's a much bigger context than what we have here.

I actually don't like the term "passing" as it connotes inauthenticity.  The idea of some "passing themselves off as" something or other, for example, suggests not being the genuine article.  Or even the "pass or fail" of school, as if it were a test. 

It's preferable, I think, to identify what it is we want with as much precision as possible.  What I have always wanted was to be gendered female, nothing more, nothing less.  Which made my path crystal clear.  And even if I didn't get it, at least I tried, and at least I'd get more than never trying at all.  I have been very lucky indeed to get it -- for yes, while it took "work" on my part without which I would not be, I can't deny the ways the stars aligned and the privileges I had to pull it all together.

Anyways.

Getting back to the subject at hand, the first transwoman I met way back in the day was actually my second electrologist (the first burned my face for thirty minutes and I wasn't going back there).  She was visibly trans, post-op, and very cool, more than happy to talk about everything under the sun.  This was before therapy or anything, basically the first time for me "coming out" (which was a weak wishy-washy "I'm not entirely sure this is for me" thing which was basically fear), and she was the first human being to gender me female (despite me not "presenting" as such at all) when her partner came into the room while she was getting started on my face.  And flow my tears they did, not from any zapping, but at feeling witnessed and seen. 

[barbie]

Well. People around me accept me so well, and I have not yet noticed any special reaction.
I teach in a university here. Students greet and smile at me. Yes. I always wear miniskirt or dress during the class or other events.



Yes. I sometimes lead student events in which foreign students also come.



I also have very low voice, hindering my passing. But I once met a beautiful teen during a conference in Slovenia. Among hundreds participants, she was so much noticeable. She was tall, slim and adorable. Later, I realized that she was a daughter of a member of my writing team. I was lucky enough to have dinner with her and her mom. Her voice was so low, making me suspect she was trans. But there was no single sign supporting my suspicion. Just her voice was so low.

barbie~~

[Stacitg1]

I think being trans makes us that much more aware of trans people thus we are more tuned into ques or tells. It is similar to "Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon" or "frequency illusion". The general population would would not be as quick to clock us as long as we are confident and own who we are. Even those less apt to so called passing can have a better experience if they exude confidence and own who they are.

Also, the newer you are to having accepted the reality of being trans the more you will have thoughts like this run through your head. As time passes it will have less and less impact on how you react mentally.

[Drexy/Drex]

Being in Thailand atm  there is no reaction it's just so common the Thai woman treat  katoeys as perfectly normal as does everyone else  ....hmmm there's  this katoey who works in the legit Thai massage ...drop dead gorgeous
I've walked past many times she looks at me with smoldering eyes .
..I think she is perhaps a powerful woman

[Ms Grace]

I'm sure if they want to talk about their gender identity, they will bring it up.

This is true...whether I want to listen to it is another matter!

A few months ago I met a trans woman in her late 60s at a small folksy concert being held by a mutual acquaintance. She was fairly obviously trans (height, posture, strongly masculine facial features and baritone voice) but I said nothing of it...good on her, right? Within a few minutes she was telling me all about her transition... and then wanted to know about mine!!

Wow, I was there for a bit of fun and a sing along, not a trans support group session in a public space with someone I'd only just met. Wrong place, wrong time...and really presumptive. I was pretty taken aback, told her two brief sentences, departed her company and stayed away from her for the rest of the evening. Sheesh.

Ladies, we have been gifted with transdar, it allows us to notice our fellow travellers...but never use it with the presumption that every other trans woman you notice is up for a chat about it.