Growing a family?

[Rambler]

The reality of transition is hitting me. Hard. I want to take my time, go slow, and find a pace both my wife and I can have some comfort in. We both know transition and me living full-time is inevitable. The problem that I'm having right now is, my wife and I have always had a plan for having kids. We've already got one girl and we would like more, currently, we would like to get pregnant in the next 9 months to 1 year, after my wife has finished with her graduate school program and has a job. That's fine, I can wait for that. Lots to do. But her stipulation has always been, and continues to be, "if number two isn't a boy. I want a third." She is completely against the idea of freezing sperm and even hates the idea of finding out the baby's sex before the birth. Now, didn't even want a third in the first place. The one we already have is enough for me, if I'm being perfectly honest. But I already feel like I'm being held hostage by this. If we have a third, we're probably talking 2-2.5 years minimum before I would even be able to start HRT.

Maybe I'm just freaking out about the logistics, and I haven't been out for long, but 2-2.5 years seems like a daunting amount of time to wait. I feel like I'm ready now, and if I had my choice I would start as soon as I could. I already know I would spend the entire pregnancy hoping my wife has a boy just so we can be done there, and I'm terrified that if it was a girl, I would end up resenting the existence of that  one and the next child. Does anyone else have any relatable experience? Am I just being crazy?

[Dena]

There are other options. It's possible for you to live full time without HRT and it's also possible to use estrogen without a blocker. Without a blocker you will still have the discomfort caused by testosterone but it's possible to remain functional. Before blocker were available, that was how we had to transition and I really wasn't free of the discomfort until I was post surgical.

On the other hand, your wife's reluctance to go with frozen sperm somewhat makes me wonder if she really understands what you might need to put up with if a 3 child is required. This sound like an issue that both of you should take up  with a therapist.

[Rambler]

There are other options. It's possible for you to live full time without HRT and it's also possible to use estrogen without a blocker. Without a blocker you will still have the discomfort caused by testosterone but it's possible to remain functional. Before blocker were available, that was how we had to transition and I really wasn't free of the discomfort until I was post surgical.

On the other hand, your wife's reluctance to go with frozen sperm somewhat makes me wonder if she really understands what you might need to put up with if a 3 child is required. This sound like an issue that both of you should take up  with a therapist.

Thanks Dena,

Speaking about it in therapy will definitely help, I know we'll do some couples sessions at some point just to aid the transition process.I've considered going full-time without HRT, but at this point I sort of feel like I would  just be dressing in drag and that my dysphoria would only be worse if I were to take that step without also doing FFS and BA. I know plenty of people have done it, and I have no judgement toward them, but that's how I feel myself. Who knows, I may change my feelings after I make some tangible steps towards transition. I'm seeing my GP after the holidays to get me on a generic prescription for finasteride, I'm starting training my voice at home, and after tax season I'll be doing consulting for hair implants as well as hoping to start occasional professional voice lessons. Perhaps once I see some results, my thoughts may change.

Quite frankly, I'm also not big on the idea of freezing sperm, for a couple reasons. But I'm a bit more open to the consideration than her. The idea of transition is something that will take her more time to get fully used to than me; there's a good chance she is still processing the changes to come.

I had not considered beginning HRT without testosterone blockers. Do you have any input on that option, having gone through it yourself? And would you happen to know if finasteride could interfere with that?

[Dena]

I had not considered beginning HRT without testosterone blockers. Do you have any input on that option, having gone through it yourself? And would you happen to know if finasteride could interfere with that?

Are you kidding, I lived it. I started HRT such as it was in 1977. Blockers have been used on us for less than 20 years so everybody who transitioned that far back did it without a blocker. For some, estrogen is sufficient to act as a blocker but most of us had feminine development with dysphoria. Fortunately my dysphoria was mostly social so RLE helped reduce it before surgery.

Finasteride is a drug I am only somewhat familiar with. My understanding is that it's a mild blocker primary intended to block DHT but it pretty well leaves testosterone alone. Often people are given all three drugs if there is a problem wth baldness so you could leave the blocker out of the mix if you are willing to put up with some testosterone.

One other thought. Facial hair removal is slow and can take a couple of years or more. If you need electrolysis, it's best to get that under control before you start RLE because you need about 3 days growth before treatment. With laser you don't have the growth requirement however laser isn't for everybody. Only people with light skin and dark hair can be treated with it and you may still need some electrolysis to clean up after the laser is done.

[Rambler]

I don't think she understands what I'm going through as far as the disconnect between my body and mind and how difficult that is for me already. Afterall, the entire reason I toppled out of two and an half decades of denial was because of the need that I feel I can no longer maintain that disconnect. It will take time for her to truly get what im feeling.


That information on estrogen without t- blockers is excellent news! I'll definitely look into that. For me, the finasteride will be a must for the time being. I've got very noticeably thinning hair and even though I've managed to keep it for a decade longer than my brother, father, or grandfather did (all totally bald by 18), it's still too thin for me to pull off. That's also why I'm looking into hair implants as soon as possible. I'm looking into electrolysis, but that expense is huge on top of what I'm spending on therapy sessions and what I'll have to put into voice lessons and hair implants. Money is already tight, but we'll see. My facial hair is this thin, I've never been able to grow a beard, so that's a bonus for me! Its also on the darker side, so laser removal may be an option for me.