If husband transitions, how do you go dancing?

[Raell]

How do formerly seemingly hetero couples, where the husband has transitioned, go dancing?

Are they only welcome at lesbian dances? Do they take turns leading?

My ex-husband is 6'1" (I'm 5' 3") and we used to go ballroom/jitterbug dancing every other weekend. He now says he is transitioning to live as a woman, but w/o surgery, and wants to us get back together.

If such an unlikely event were to occur, I'm not sure how to dance with him. He is so much taller, he used to pick me up for the low lifts, and to lead.

How do other couples manage this, or is this problem unique only to us?

[FTMax]

I don't see why you couldn't dance exactly the same way? Maybe it's not what's expected but if it's what works then I don't see a problem?

[KathyLauren]

My wife and I joined a Scottish country dance group.  I am not out to that group yet, so we present as a normal hetero couple.  But we intend to continue after I go full-time.

In Scottish country dancing, you dance in "sets" of typically four couples, kind of like square dancing, but in rows instead of squares.  It is not normal, in our group anyway, to dance with one's spouse as a partner.

We have one gay couple in the group.  They both dance on the men's side of the set. 

If there are unequal numbers of men and women on the floor, some folks will dance on the side of the opposite gender just to make sure there is a balance and people aren't sitting out unnecessarily.  Those switching sides wear a sash so that people don't get mixed up about which part they are dancing.

[Denise]

Funny post - not funny as in HaHa but we're wondering the same thing.

My wife and I used to do ballroom dance lessons all the time.  I was never very good at leading but I suspect if/when we get back into it I'll still lead for some styles and she'll lead for others.
Cha-Cha: me
Hustle: her
Swing: me

I think she would like to lead sometimes for "pay-back"  especially for some of the spins in Hustle.  I've not tried dancing in heals yet - that might be fun. 

[RobynD]

I've never really been in any sort of structured dancing like ballroom. Women dance together all the time at clubs though, we've done that. We recently danced at a wedding and I led likely out of habit.

Its a funny thing that gender norms extend to such things like where one partner puts their hands in a dance.

[Denise]

Part of the choice may be the stance you take.  If you are in a closed/tight box then the taller/bigger person would have an advantage leading.  On an open/apart stance (Hustle for example) it doesn't matter as much (I think).

I'm no expert nor do I play one on TV

[Asche]

It depends upon how accepting the group is that you dance with.  There is no (social) dance form that requires that any particular role be filled by any particular gender (or non-gender), it's merely a matter of social prejudice.

In all dance groups I've been in, women dancing with women has been pretty common, and not always because there aren't enough men.  Men dancing with men is less common only because most cis-het men are terrified of being thought gay, but it happens.

There are also "gender-free" dances, where people dance whichever role they want at the moment.  I'm aware of gender-free contra groups and gender-free square dance groups.