It's funny, thinking back, that a lot of clues were there for me about being trans since I was small. When I was under age 5, I was often in boy's / unisex clothing. I hated dresses and frilly things. As a teenager, I loved the grunge era and dressed like a proper grunge kid. Then through university and much of my 20s, I lived in field clothes: t-shirts and cargos. Then came museum/corporate jobs, and I had to dress up for them, and the expectation of course is that I would dress female. But I hated it, and I didn't know why. Back in my 20s when I'd interview for more formal stuff, I'd usually go for a more male presentation, plain button shirt and slacks, blazer. Nothing frilly.
But there was always the sense I was dressing up to play a part, you know? I never felt like a proper woman, or that I did a good job of acting or being one... because I wasn't. I only had that realisation this year, and it was so powerful. It's like the older I got, the more I tried to counter my subconscious, and the unhappier I became. I did discover fashion and style in my 30s, but overall much more drawn to menswear.
