What persecution does a spouse typically face when suddenly perceived as gay?

[Raell]

In the US, what kind of fallout do spouses typically experience from conservative, religious family and friends when a spouse transitions?

So far, I've avoided persecution because I'm only partially transmale and dress androgynously.

But, as I've mentioned on other threads, my married ex-husband said he's planning to transition to non-binary female (no operations), after which his current wife would no doubt give him the boot, and said he wants to move to Thailand to be with me.

In the off chance that this actually works out at all, what kind of persecution/rejection by families/friends is typical for spouses of transgender people?

[Michelle_P]

Exclusion.  They typically become outcasts from the very conservative, ideologically pure sorts of family and friends.  HOWEVER...

Not all conservatives (or progressives, for that matter) behave the same way.  I've seen very conservative persons totally accepting of a family member who comes out, because they happen to love that person, and have seen what they are going through.  I've seen very 'progressive' folks utterly reject the person who comes out, acting in complete revulsion and refusing to have any contact with them.

There really isn't a 'typical' anything.  Ideologically pure folks are actually pretty rare.  Most folks still place close personal connections above their ideology, in spite of various efforts to change this.


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[Denise]

I think Michelle has a good point... It depends.  That stinks as an answer, but it depends upon the people involved.

Sorry there is no sure shot answer here.

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[RobynD]

Yeah definitely depends on the community and the individuals. As Michelle noted, not all conservatives act the same. I have some conservative friends that have been very, very supportive of both me and my spouse.

In general Gay people are more accepted and supported now, than in any time in the nation's history, so if you look at it from the glass being half full standpoint, it looks bright.

To be people gossip and talk behind people's backs? Yep that is an unfortunate attribute of being human and sometimes that hurts people.

[Raell]

If family and friends knew the person before transitioning they would have to accept the couple as both transgender and seemingly gay.

Does the typical couple where one has transitioned continue in their former, hetero niche, or do they now hang with gay and/or transgender friends? How do the social dynamics change?

[RobynD]

Good questions. The social dynamic can change because sometimes friends feel uncomfortable etc but that is more their issue than yours, true friends see through all of that. You make new friends too from support networks, groups or just in general as we do as we age. We started to do more church/charity stuff and made additional friends that way.

We tended to change friends anyways over the years regardless, we are only friends with i think 2 couples from the earliest part of our marriage and then "friends" via Facebook mainly.

I think there often is no seemingly about it, if you transition and stay with your spouse you are at the very least bisexual if not lesbian etc, it all varies for people though and at any rate, we are all on the LGTBQi spectrum.

[Raell]

I agree we are all on a sexual orientation sliding scale.

In this case, my ex currently says she plans on no operations, sees herself as non-binary female, so technically we would "seem" to be gay (if, in fact, we actually did get back together).
I see myself as more male than female, so we could also be considered sort of gay males.
Actually, we would both be non-binary male and female, except reversed. When I think back, that's how our past marriage was anyway.

But, in the eyes of observers we would seem to be lesbians because I do little to present as male beyond dressing androgynously, as I always have.

[Trystlynn]

One of my best fiends used to call me "->-bleeped-<-" and a dork when I started painting my nails, shaving my legs and my underarms. My female partner thought it was funny to try to embarrass me, and ask if they wanted to see ,y toenails. Initially I was a little embarrassed but I basically said fxxk them, if they dont like how I treat my body, I really dont give a ->-bleeped-<-. We have since stayed friends, but have moved quite a distance away from them and are just casual acquaintances now.I figure if they cant handle it, their loss.

~Trystlynn