Enough is enough

[Wild Flower]

At least those catty women are honest.... then dealing with a Regina George or a Glinda the Good Witch (at least you know where you stand with the Wicked Witch, but Glinda knew all long on how Dorothy could go home, but Glinda made her suffer with three grown men for selfish purposes to kill the Wicked Witch).... lol

[Michelle69Elizabeth]

I know how you feel. There are many people out there who actively hate us. It makes no sense to to fight amongst ourselves.

There are great people here and I have a couple great trans friends. Funny thing is, with my friends I spend most of my time listening, here I talk and talk (embarrassing how much I talk here really) and people rarely talk back. It doesn't matter.

Here we deal with generation gaps, a rainbow of personalities and all levels of tolerance. It's not surprising that there are some issues.

Yes, it appears that it is a competition. Why, I don't know. We are admired for our gifts but we are respected and and loved for our actions.

I have given up trying to understand. Maybe I can only aspire to be the one with the good personality, but the older I get the harder it gets to find new friends, I will take the ones that choose me because I am a true friend.

[Ypsf09]

It must be even more harder having to deal with insecurities related to pretty woman and not having faith in plastic surgery. Maybe despair sometimes turns into cattiness/jealousy. Oopsie. Lol


Wildflower,

Cassandra Cass is one of my trans inspirations too in addition to Ana Mancini, Ava Sabrina London, Maria Roman, Amanda Lepore and Jenna talackova.

One of my good tran friend hates( I mean really hates) all of them for looking so fake and plastic. She looks down on them thinking she looks hyper feminine with very little cosmetic surgery and just hormones. Reality is she is androgynous/masculine looks wise but hyper feminine behavior/attire wise.

Anyways she fails to realize that these women are inspirational not for looking plastic/fake but for their strong determination+hard work in going from sometimes a ugly guy to a super hot woman and not settling for anything mediocre. They are realistic in realizing that being trans, wanting to look really good/hot and yet be natural looking is not possible for huge majority of transwoman. I personally find transwoman like these much cooler, confident and secure than transwoman that are critical of them.

Also just because I look up to them doesn't mean I want to necessarily look like them. My personal aesthetic is more like this, maybe because I am part Asian.

http://imgur.com/gXsu3Er

[V M]

Although I have noticed and realize that it exists in nearly every aspect of life I often find this idea of competition rather confusing and feel it to be an ignorant waste of time and energy

Personally I am more interested in giving love and support

Possibly that is why I joined a support site?

Hugs

[jentay1367]

Not to sound all critical and everything, but I think what's being discussed here is more of a maturity thing, not a trans thing. Girls gonna be girls, haters gonna be haters. Youth rocks in so many ways....but it sucks too...for a lot of reasons. I think the problem the O.P. brings up is more a product of young people interacting poorly than it is a trans thing. Older women....trans and cis, are much more empathetic and understanding of others. There needs to be some upside to being older. Being over your damn self seems to be one of them.

[Wild Flower]

Not to sound all critical and everything, but I think what's being discussed here is more of as maturity thing, not a trans thing. Girls gonna be girls, haters gonna be haters. Youth rocks in so many ways....but it sucks too...for a lot of reasons. I think the problem the O.P. brings up is more a product of young people interacting poorly than it is a trans thing. Older women....trans and cis, are much more empathetic and understanding of others. There needs to be some upside to being older. Being over your damn self seems to be one of them.

Why can't we be born as Benjamin Button and grow young instead of grow old. So when we reach our 50s-40s-30s-20s, we would have a maturity outlook. Although it would start getting depressing too. 45 years old would be like the highlight year of our lives.

[Wild Flower]

Ypsf09

I agree. It's the determination that does it for me. Like I love Marilyn Monroe, but she's not my inspiration... but Britney Spears hands down is inspiring because she went through her insanity and came out ahead. (ALTHOUGH, there is conspiracy with Marilyn so if that's true than it's invalid). But same with Tyra Banks, she's my role model as far as TV hosts, although she was born with that beauty, but she went and made so much more than just being a model.

I can't really talk about celebrities right now... they're not the average person.

I don't know who the most inspiring transgender person is right now... I have to come back with that.

[jentay1367]

Why can't we be born as Benjamin Button and grow young instead of grow old.

L.O.L.  Cuz, nobody would tolerate a bunch of snotty, ugly, bitchy old broads running around! There'd be a bounty on us

[Inarasarah]

This post made me think, and not because there are many, many topics going on here.  The main point of trans women being mean.  I have to admit that I have been "catty" with my close friends about some other trans women.  And it is not something I am necessarily proud of, but it has happened.  These were private conversations and none of the details ever left the confines of the conversation.  The details behind these "catty b!tch" sessions are not important, but they do serve as an avenue I needed at the time to express frustration I was having with another person, and this other person happened to be another trans woman.

I did not then, nor do I now think that this is anything different than any other time cis women get together and discuss other cis women.  And I know that, because I have been in those conversations too and they are EXACTLY the same.  At least they were for me.

Now I am, and always will be a nice person.  I never say a bad word about someone and am genuinely friendly to everyone I meet.  Nevertheless, there are those in society, trans or cis, whom I do not care for, it may be due to something they said, how they treated me or my friends, or something as superficial as the way they smell (I am kinda weird about smells...long story).  But I never publically or in a mean way treat those people poorly, or demean them.  I stay polite, and find ways to excuse myself from thier presence.  Is this mean?  I do not know, but it does, as far as I am concerned, remove me from a potentially uncomfortable situation.  I can see how this may make me seem stand-offish or pretenitious, but I would rather make the situation more comfotable for all by removing myself.

This is my perspective on the meanness or the perceived mean-girl attitude that I experience or have been a part of.

As for the competition, I leave that to the kids, I am too old to worry about being in competition with someone because of my looks.  While I am attracted to a certain look, I know from experience that looks are the most superficial part of any relationship.  The fundamental heart of any long term and solid relationship is based on the heart.  This is not visible when you first meet someone.  This is only know through getting to know someone.  If you can find a heart that makes you soar, it does not matter what the package that heart is wrapped in looks like.  So competition of the packaging will ultimately leave the seeker longing for something more than fancy wrapping paper.

I will now retreat to my hermit cave on top of the mountain

[RobynD]

I've responded to similar posts on this subject and at times i feel like i am living on another planet with another population than many of you are describing. I just do not see it. Maybe if i was presenting as a girl in high school i would have saw it because i had some vague memories of girls being mean to each other in that setting, competing for boyfriends etc.

Maybe it is the people i hang out with i don't know. What is to be gained from making someone feel bad? What use is to feel superior than someone else?. Most of it is happenstance and out of our control anyways. I am who i am and i always want to do better and treat people better.

As for competition for looks, same thing. There was a cis woman that was sort of competition for the guy i am seeing currently and i befriended her and basically said i am cool with whatever occurs, i am cool if he dates us both etc. Ultimately he chose to date me only, but i would have never have denigrated her to him. There really is nothing to gain and a whole lot to lose

[kaitylynn]

Lots of comments about looks being an end all for some.  Almost all of my friends are female and some I have known for decades at this point.  The ones that did not last as close friends are the ones who were 'hunting' for a mate.  They were so caught up on being 'the hot one' that once that passed, they were proverbially 'screwed' when the looks ran out, and ladies...they will run out at some point.

I have watched the catty stuff, being a product of the 90's when the internet put TRANS online for the world to start looking at.  I can say I got caught up in some it myself, but realized quickly that I had longings for something other than the partners who needed the hottest in the room.  There generally was nothing there but sex and that is not enough to make anything lasting.

My mom gave me the sagest advice I have ever heard, are you one that is going to peak in high school or are you going to have an awesome life when it counts for something.  Thank you mom!  Wisest woman I ever knew and her perspective now means more to me than ever.  I have a gorgeous partner and an awesome life.  I have a life that I enjoy and the ability to live well.  The cagey sort of behaviors are ones best left to others as they carry a special price of oft wasted time.  When they rear their presence, I find something else, constructive, to do.

In the end, it is up to each of us to determine what is important to our own selves.  Time is a precious commodity that once spent cannot be repurchased or extended.  Seems a waste to pay towards something that will likely lead to eventual vacancy.

Just my take on it, nothing more and nothing less.

[herekitten]

In the end, it is up to each of us to determine what is important to our own selves.  Time is a precious commodity that once spent cannot be repurchased or extended.  Seems a waste to pay towards something that will likely lead to eventual vacancy.

Well said and a sage thought. I've always let this thought be one of my life's principles regardless of looks, lifestyle, etc.

[V M]