Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on December 14, 2016, 08:46:18 PM
Good stuff keeps happening to me career wise since the breakup, don't know what to make of this. During the day I feel optimistic, even elated. When the sun goes down I get anxious and all my fears come back--I'll be alone, I'll be depressed, I'll fail. Don't know what to make of my fear of the dark either.
I feel like my wife was so high maintenance emotionally that she consumed me and I think I wanted to be consumed at first because I didn't like myself but now I'm thinking I'm not so bad and I want to be me and this relationship didn't work any more.
I was in a tenuous at best relationship with my wife as well as a long (365 mile door to door) distance marriage with my wife.
"When the Sun GOES DOWN".... Oiy. Too much "Quality Time" alone w/ your thoughts. Where is that bottle of Yukon Jack?
What kept me strong in my convictions was knowing WHAT DOES NOT WORK. I spent decades trying things one way with out success. After relative, days, trying things another way I found Joy. I eventually experienced the joy of being ME in the real real world I live in....
I was also SCARED S%!T
If you are NOT you... What, or Who, are you are you for her?
More IMPORTANT... What YOU are you for you? (Yeah.. I should ask...)
I struggle every day resolving these. How to balance Survival vs... Existence. Only you can can make the Hard Calls. There have been times I relished being able to be a "Mr Fixit" for my girlfriends. TBH - WHATEVER problem you think you have, it is Nuttin compared to what you're fixing. Being "Consumed" and solving another's problem is a great diversion from your own. Yours is complicated, theirs, simple to "Fix".
TBH - If my wife did not feel as she does about me and my "Elevated" Cd to Trans status... Without her brutal honesty and love, I doubt I'll be here typing this. Offing myself would far far easier then the all the challenges I need elevate myself above in order to preserve ALL that I define as ME....
The .38, the 40KV & 500 Joules I can "arrange at work, or that intersection of I68 & I70 I can vaporize my car? Only one leaves no one cleanly else but ME responsible for the choice to END my life.
It isn't, nor will it likely EVER, work for HER and you.