How deep is/was the girl inside?

[staciM]

Well, my wife and I went for a great hike/walk out today (as my true self) and it went really well.  It was a bit of a complicated situation getting out of the house and back in (my son hasn't been let inside the circle yet) but overall it was a wonderful experience that felt very natural.  There's even washroom facility in the parking lot that I used without issue.  Baby steps but very positive. 

[AlyssaJ]

That's awesome Staci!!  So good for you to have a supportive wife to help you through all this as well.  I'm in a similar boat as far as needing to get out more in female presentation to really determine what I need as far as transition.  I've considered the idea of a weekend trip or something in full female presentation with no male "backup" but haven't done it yet. Unfortunately, having a less than fully supportive wife is not helpful in that situation so for me for now it's smaller little explorations, often in mixed presentation.

Good for you, keep pushing those boundaries and see where it goes.  Have fun with it.  I've been told over an over that the journey is fun if you can take time to sit back and enjoy it.

[staciM]

My wife is absolutely fantastic!!  She is incredibly supportive of OUR journey and my rock when I'm feeling down about one of the million things us trans girls come up against day to day.  This would be nearly impossible to do without her and I'm so very lucky to have my soul mate along for the ride.  However, on the other hand my situation makes me incredibly sympathetic of the struggle girls with unsupportive partners must live with.....it honestly brings me to tears on a regular basis.....even before HRT

[staciM]

Let's play. Send me a picture and I will run it through my Portrait Pro software, if you want an idea of what others will see. Let our Susan's experts review and make comments. I am in the same boat as you because I have had a lifetime of negative response, mostly in my own head. When I was 20 we had mostly Christine Jorgensen as inspiration. Today there are many examples of successful transition, as it gains acceptance by the non trans community at large. I could point to Jazz Jennings, Carmine Carrera, Janet Mock, and a whole bevy of others like our own Dena as inspiration. Unfortunately there are also many porno sites that give the wrong impression we are sex crazed, self centered frauds.    I know this is not who I am and I can't recall many others on Susan's pursuing that lifestyle. Other sites, perhaps.

Dawn, I was able to get some pictures if you're still willing to do some edits.  Thanks so much.

[Maybebaby56]

Hi Liz,

First of all, let me apologize beforehand if this post sounds confrontational, or as if I'm picking you apart. That was not my intention. You raise some very interesting points. When I read your post, I had all sorts of thoughts that came from a very different perspective.  For me, passing is everything, because I am a scared little rabbit and would never have the nerve to do what you have done.  Kudos to you.

So here I go:

You do not have to wear a dress or a skirt to be a woman
You do not have to wear make up
You do not have to have long hair
You do not have to wear high heels to be a woman

No, of course not, but it helps.  Most of the people on this site are "in transition". Many are not perfectly passable.  If you are AMAB want to go out in public and be perceived as female, the best strategy is to give people every cue possible that you are female. It's just common sense. No one can see your "inner woman".

There are plenty of women in this world who will never wear a dress or skirt from the time they are allowed to choose...that does not make them any less of a woman.

You're right, but public presentation is not simply an exercise in personal validation. It's a passport to being able to safely integrate oneself into desired female social roles.  That takes other people to interact with. People who may not be very receptive to the idea of transgender people, if not downright hostile.  You don't get to pick.

Personally my dysphoria is so intense at times that I don't care anymore.

I can appreciate that.  I never thought I would go out in public before FFS, but I did, and I very much did care how I was perceived. Everyone is different.

I have now completed all the medical procedures I can afford  apart from SRS and once healed I should be out as fulltime by April.

So then, why did you have all those expensive and painful medical procedures done if it has no bearing on your "womanhood"? 

What I am saying is don't be boxed in my some therapists view of what a woman looks like...

I have never had a therapist tell me what a woman should look like, so I find that statement very surprising. I agree with you, of course, and that sort of comment from a therapist borders on unsupportive at best and possibly unethical.

this is your journey you decide how you look at a woman no one else. Pass don't pass you are still a woman.

I assume you meant "how you look as a woman".  I think that is a very noble sentiment - and could potentially be very dangerous.  People may also conclude a transgender woman is nothing more than a mentally ill guy in a dress that deserves to have the crap beat out of them. That concerns me, to say the least.

With kindness,

Terri