AMAB Have Felt GenderFluid But Really Dont Want To Transition

[Snidi]

I am proud of my identity as a male, and don't want to change that.   I've had temptations to be a girl and dress like a girl, temptations which I really wish would just go away....

I've felt them frequently enough for it to be intrusive on my life/well being.   I'm considering that I may even need to take medication because of this...

Anything else I can do?

[SailorMars1994]

Hmmm. Are you sure you are trans or non-binary? i ask because i, aswell as other LOVE there, erm ''other'' side while usurally feel most uncomfortable with their birth gender. Or maybe you are in denial perhaps?

[SailorMars1994]

You may also have some possible OCD maybe?

[Sno]

What would happen if you gave in to those temptations.? How do you feel socially? Do you feel your achievements are due to your masculinity? In your imagination, dressed enfemme, do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Whilst dressed do you feel happy that it is a truer reflection of yourself? You'll get to talk through a lot more of questions like this with a therapist, who will be able to help more.

I am non-binary. I cannot help but express myself in a feminine manner socially, I don't fit as a result with my male counterparts. I have significant time when I feel no gender, and do have dysphoria with my fundamental anatomy. I am fortunate in that I have reached a position with a loving partner that I do not desperately need to transition, and whilst not comfortable, I can manage my dysphoria. Do I dream of walking down the street in a skirt - Yes. Am I accused of being female by friends - yes. Do I get told off for staring at a handbag - yes (in coral with a gold clasp and a black suede cover... stunning). Do I feel that in transition I would lose a part of 'me' then yes, I value the being able to step outside the binary - I can 'see' all of the actors in the play.

Be aware that these feelings and desires will never go away, and as you explore, you may well find that they assume an urgency that will surprise in its intensity - and that is where the guidance of a good therapist will count.

Welcome, as you start your journey.

Sno

[JoanneB]

If you can change who you are or what you accomplished or achieved in life, you got a best seller or a multi-million dollar business. You are who you are. The totality of everything you did, the good, the bad and the ugly, in your life. That is never going to change. Yes, your likes and dislikes may over time. I can attest to that. But without one of those MIB brain erasers to use on everyone you have ever interacted with, oh yes, and yourself, you are you. In slacks or a skirt.

I ascribe to the rule of thumb of "If you think you may be TG, you are" Cis people don't even think about such things. The real trick is to sort out where in the spectrum between Cis-Female and Cis-Male you reside. Some have proposed Non-Binary which is a sub-set. A fairly diverse one too.

The best medicine I discovered was my TG support group. I was floored during my first meeting and for a few days after. I was not prepared at all for the experience of being in a room filled with people whose feelings and life stories almost mirrored my own.

[AlyssaJ]

Snidi, you sound to me like you're at the very first steps of a long gender identity exploration. First, there is no law, rule, or requirement that says you must transition if you're gender fluid.  Only you can decide for yourself what is right for you.  What you need to figure out though is what is truly right for you.  You're here which means that you identity is probably causing you at least some degree of discomfort or confusion.

Your attachment to your male identity may be 100% legitimate.  In which case dabbling in cross dressing or mixed presentation may be enough to satisfy the desires you're identifying.  However, as you start experimenting and exploring, you may find that much of the attachment you feel to your male identity is just the result of years of repression and social conditioning.

This is where I'm at right now.  I'm still peeling back the onion, stripping off layer after layer of conditioned responses and values. I've found many of the things I was most proud of as a male I was only proud of because society taught me they were what I needed to do, be, or accomplish. That doesn't mean it was all for nothing.  I have also discovered a great deal of real pride in many of the things I've been able to achieve in my life.

It's scary no doubt.  A little over a year ago I considered myself nothing more than a man with a fetish for crossdressing. As I've gained knowledge and begun to strip away the denial, I've come to identify myself as genderfluid.  But I do have much anxiety that as I continue to undo what society expected me to be and to become what I was truly mean to be, I recognize I may shift further and find that I am truly transsexual and in need of total transition.

At the end of the day, while it's scary, I know now it's a journey I must follow through on.  It's going to be thrust upon me at some point in my life and I'd rather take it head on, on my terms, while I still have some youth left in me than wait until I'm a senior citizen and realize I've squandered most of my life not being true to who I really am.  The biggest step for me to get started was and still is self acceptance.  I had to break down a lot of my own internalized trans-phobia and love myself.  From there I can work on being my truest me.

I don't know if that helps at all, but I do wish you the best of luck in your journey.

[Satinjoy]

It takes a while to let it all balance out and find your truth.  There is a lot to unlearn, then we hit our true puberty, and after reliving our teenage years, we mature into ourselves, whatever identity that is, that was set free.

Imo.

Trinity Satin Joy

[Amato]

I think it's best to take things slow, talk to a therapist, and experiment a little to feel out what the best course of action is for you. By experiment I mean, maybe find a local trans support group and find some trans women to hang out with in public and try passing. See how it makes you feel to be seen and treated a certain way. It can help. I wish you luck.

[Veda]

I would suggest looking more closely at your feelings.  You refer to what you are going through as 'temptations'.  There is a reason you chose that word: Not 'urges', 'compulsions', 'desires' or any other of the possible ways you could describe your feelings.  You don't have to share your answer to the following, just think about them.  Why is your being a girl a temptation?  Why is it not just a fantasy, or fun daydream?  Could there be a better word to describe your feelings more accurately?
If it has become disruptive to your life, it is important to find out why.

Also, no mater what, your pride in your identity as a male need never go away.  Men can do some pretty darn heroic things, not the least of which is finding the hard truth of themselves.  It may be that you could find the pride in your identity as a female as well.

Best of luck.