Need help

[Alora]

Hey ladies,

So I'm hoping to glen some wisdom from some of y'alls experiences.

Are the Holidays a bad time to come out to your family?

My family is small. It's just my sister, my aunts and my mom. But then there are my sisters girls. They are 9 and 6.

How do you explain transgender issues to children?

Loves [emoji182]❤️[emoji182]


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[Michelle_P]

At the holidays?  Yeah, expect someone to accuse you of making [EVENT] all about you.  Of course, this will happen at any family gathering whey you try to come out.

I came out to my two older adult children while they were here for my mother-in-law's 85th birthday.  Wife-departing accused me of trying to make the event all about me, of ruining [EVENT] for her, and forbade me to tell her mother-in-law.  (This would be the same mother-in-law that made a second Thanksgiving dinner for me, Michelle, on that Friday, and wants to have me over for a Christmas Eve celebration on Saturday.)

Oddly, I think the burst of righteous indignation some will have when we come out is an attempt to make it all about THEM, their feelings, their sensitivities, and their phobias.  How dare we make them uncomfortable, just because we've had a lifetime of intense discomfort trying to protect their delicate sensibilities.

In other words, hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst from someone. 


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[Harley Quinn]

I  would suggest starting with whomever would give you the best response. Not on a holiday, but on a random Tuesday. Then another random day pick one person and let them in. You'll build up a head of steam and fine tune your explanation of the situation and for the ones that won't take it as well will be able to speak with your other supporters within your family. Holidays are stressful situations where you just really don't have the time to explain what you're feeling. It'll either be glossed over by the family, or it may focus too much of the attention on yourself for the day. You probably want to avoid the mob mentality of everyone feeding on one another's reaction and see it spiral out of control. Best of luck!

[Cindy]

My rule of thumb is ....No.

Avoid major family events and come out to allies first. The children won't care and will just accept it.

So take it in stages with your potential greatest supporters first.

Nothing wrong with wearing a bracelet or something, a bit of a hidden hint? That depends on how your presentation was before of course.

[LizK]

I would not use an event especially nothing like Christmas...fraught with all sorts of perceived psychological dangers

Pick a time where you can be in private,  control the situation and have plenty of time for questions and chatting.

Hugs
Liz

 

[Ms Grace]

Like the others, I'd suggest no. The day is meant for everyone and there are usually enough heightened emotions and tensions as it is. Regardless of how supportive a family might be it is a lot to process for them. Doing it at a family event leaves you open to accusations of "ruining" it or "hijacking" it

[Wild Flower]

At the holidays?  Yeah, expect someone to accuse you of making [EVENT] all about you.  Of course, this will happen at any family gathering whey you try to come out.

I came out to my two older adult children while they were here for my mother-in-law's 85th birthday.  Wife-departing accused me of trying to make the event all about me, of ruining [EVENT] for her, and forbade me to tell her mother-in-law.  (This would be the same mother-in-law that made a second Thanksgiving dinner for me, Michelle, on that Friday, and wants to have me over for a Christmas Eve celebration on Saturday.)

Oddly, I think the burst of righteous indignation some will have when we come out is an attempt to make it all about THEM, their feelings, their sensitivities, and their phobias.  How dare we make them uncomfortable, just because we've had a lifetime of intense discomfort trying to protect their delicate sensibilities.

In other words, hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst from someone. 


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True words.

[Anne Blake]

Alora, I will add my agreement to the rest. Christmas is filled with so much tradition and expectations that bringing in a personal agenda will distract from the expectations of the many and will probably predispose your audience from accepting you (maybe??). I have not yet found a good way or time of coming out but I way prefer small one on one or one with a few type of declarations rather than larger group or family gathering declarations (but that is just me). Good luck in whichever path you choose. - Anne

[Megan.]

I agree with the others, where possible I've tried to avoid either seasonal or other family events.

[Sophia Sage]

Coming out is a ritual.

So is Christmas, holidays, and scheduled family gatherings.  So no, don't, because you'll be harming both rituals if you try to merge them together, let alone compete.

When you come out, you'll need time and space to say what you need to say, and your loved ones will need time and space to process what they've just heard, and then you'll both need time and space apart to deal with all the emotional fallout.  Assuming everyone is on a M-F work schedule, I think late Saturday mornings work well -- everyone's had time to catch up on Friday night (and recuperate from travel), breakfast is already done with, and now there's all of Saturday, and then a Sunday for everyone to catch their breath (and deal with travel) before getting back to the work week.

[Alora]

Thank you so much everyone for you wise words. I was definitely feeling that the holidays are a bad time to come out to ones family.

It is going to take some planning, my family is very close and we often get together for monthly dinners. I think I am going to have to try to plan something for just my mother and I. She is the one person I am most afraid of coming out to. I really like the relationship between the two of us and I don't really want to lose that.

Loves you all and Merry Christmas

[emoji182]❤️[emoji182]


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