I'm sort of new at this, what do you think of my email?

[zamber74]

I've been to therapy, like one time I think.  I haven't been to a doctor in like twenty years.. so all of this is new to me. Today I found a list of therapists in my area, and wrote to one.  I can't afford therapy right now, but thought it would be good to start testing the waters.

I have a question, which I hope you can answer.  At this moment I am searching for a therapist such as yourself who has experience with transgender related issues. 

I noticed your listing on therapists.psychologytoday.com and also saw that you provide referral letters for HRT, and am curious of the requirments of receiving such a letter.

I am a 42 year old, who is incredibly introverted, shy, and fearful of just plunging myself out into a world living as a woman from the get go, I *am* very interested in being more comfortable in my own skin, and would like to pursue HRT without such strict requirement as has been the case for others in the past. 

GD is something I have lived with since I was a child, it has ultimately crushed my soul, and I just want to move along at a pace I am comfortable with.  In the 90s, it was expected for an individual to live fully as a woman for a year before receiving HRT, and as the such I completely abandoned hope in my 20s of pursuing transitioning. 

I have so much more to write, but I do not desire to take up all of your time.  It is probably going to be months before I can even afford therapy, but I am seeking out a therapist who can accompany my own plan for transition, one of which I feel comfortable pursuing.

I have already come out to my wife, and receive incredible support from her, but of course, it would be nice to have a therapist to talk with as I transition, I imagine this is going to a process that will take me years, and do not expect an overnight miracle.. I am really interested in getting the ball rolling with HRT though.

Thank you for your time, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year

I feel like such a moron right now, lol.  I am not a very formal person, I know the letter is probably going to have the therapist rolling her eyes, but I thought I would give it a shot.  I don't expect a reply anytime soon, if at all ever.

So what do you all think?  Where did I go wrong, what should I have done?  Are there any other questions that you think I should have asked?

[JessicaSondelli]

You should really talk to a therapist. I pay $75 per hour and I needed about 3 or 4 sessions before I got the letter. If you cannot afford this how are you planning to pay for the
endo and the hormones?  Be prepared to spend lots of $$$ if you're health insurance doesn't cover it.

I'm sorry for not giving you better news but that's the reality.

Feel free to PM me.
Hugs
Jessica


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[zamber74]

No need to apologize, due to the time of year our finances are tight.  Combine that with other issues at the moment, and it is like the perfect storm, in a few months we will catch up.  I will have more than enough to cover the expenses at that point. 

[KathyLauren]

Your letter is fine. 

You can find out about the requirements for getting your HRT referral letter in the Standards of Care.  Section 8.2 has the requirements.  https://www.susans.org/wiki/Standards_of_Care_for_the_Health_of_Transsexual,_Transgender,_and_Gender_Nonconforming_People
Most professionals follow these standards of care.  You should be very careful if you choose a therapist who does not.

[zamber74]

Thank you Kathy, and merry Christmas   I'll be sure she follows those outlines before going to her.

[zamber74]

I received a reply today, and it looks very promising.  So, in a few months I at least have a clue of where to proceed

[Tessa James]

Good for you Zamber,

Your letter seems clear and understandable and unlikely to cause eye rolling by a therapist.  You are taking steps and it sure can be challenging but your health and quality of life are worth that time and investment, yes?

My guess is that you already have plenty of clues but might find a plan of action helpful?

[Sephirah]

As someone who has dealt with correspondence from people, in the work background, one can always tell when someone is following a formula and when one is being genuine. And trust me, the genuine ones get the most attention.

Your email is fine, sweetie. And keep that attitude. Just be you, okay? When you get to the next stages, just be honest and don't say what you think you're supposed to say. Or what you think anyone wants to hear. It seems like you have that down already, so you're already in a good place for it.

I wish you all the best.

*hugs*

[zamber74]

Good for you Zamber,

Your letter seems clear and understandable and unlikely to cause eye rolling by a therapist.  You are taking steps and it sure can be challenging but your health and quality of life are worth that time and investment, yes?

My guess is that you already have plenty of clues but might find a plan of action helpful?

Yeah, they are worth it.  The plan of action is jumbled all over the place now, it would be nice to have the therapist to talk to.  Right now, I'm just feeling down, it really seems overwhelming, I'm not going to give up on it though, because I know where that takes me.  It is the same song and dance, on repeat.

It is strange, how I rationalize things at times.  I have moments where I try to just convince myself this is not necessary, I should just put it all behind me, and focus on other things.  The thing is never goes away, I can numb it a bit, but it always comes back.  I'm so tired of going around in circles, trying to get away from these feelings always coming back to them, always having it in the back of my mind.  It just doesn't make sense, why this is so important to me, it shouldn't be.  On a rational level, I should never think about this sort of stuff, yet there it has been all my life.

I'm worried about my family if I proceed, and I am worried about myself if I don't.  The past several years, it is like I have just been waiting for it all to end, and that is no way to live life.  Today, I have been in a daze - mostly because my ear is clogged for some reason, lol - but this has been weighing on me pretty heavy. 

I'm sorry for rambling on.  I just needed to for a bit.  Thank you for your reply

[zamber74]

As someone who has dealt with correspondence from people, in the work background, one can always tell when someone is following a formula and when one is being genuine. And trust me, the genuine ones get the most attention.

Your email is fine, sweetie. And keep that attitude. Just be you, okay? When you get to the next stages, just be honest and don't say what you think you're supposed to say. Or what you think anyone wants to hear. It seems like you have that down already, so you're already in a good place for it.

I wish you all the best.

*hugs*

I don't know if you realize, but your post made me really happy.  Thank you very much, I've been worried about so many things, and you gave me a bit of a boost

[KathyLauren]

It is strange, how I rationalize things at times.  I have moments where I try to just convince myself this is not necessary, I should just put it all behind me, and focus on other things.  The thing is never goes away, I can numb it a bit, but it always comes back.  I'm so tired of going around in circles, trying to get away from these feelings always coming back to them, always having it in the back of my mind.  It just doesn't make sense, why this is so important to me, it shouldn't be.  On a rational level, I should never think about this sort of stuff, yet there it has been all my life.

This passage really resonated with me.  I am sure it does with a lot of us. 

I regularly get the cycle of doubt and rationalization.  What gets me through is remembering which part of the cycle is real.  The reality is that this will never go away.  The rationalization doesn't work because being trans isn't rational; it is biological.  It is not something we figure out; it is the way we were born. 

So when I find myself trying to talk myself out of transition and into being just a regular guy, I remind myself of my biology.  That I was born trans, and that if I deny it, it will come around to bite me in the butt before too long.  Who am I kidding?  I will never be a regular guy.  That usually makes me come to my senses.