GCS with Dr Wittenberg April 2017, thanks for y'alls help!

[SadieBlake]

Thursday I finally got back into the studio to blow glass, I kept the work light and kept it to 4 hours rather than the usual 6. Not surprisingly afterwards, I was completely beat, came home, collapsed and was asleep by 8:30 and asleep as early Friday night.

As far as process goes, I've been in contact with Dr Wittenberg, the only complication has been where the left suture line opened op just above the fourchette and that's taking some time but improving day by day.

I have no idea if any of this is connected but yesterday a whole lot of ugly mucus decided to come out of the vaginal area and this morning I was feeling tired, and when I went to change maxipad and the dressing on the suture was surprised to see a fair amount of blood. I guess my last dilation was a bit more uncomfortable but there was no sign of bleeding immediately after but anyway it's nothing alarming, more like surprising.

Anyhow, progress and I'm taking it quite easy today <sigh/>

[SadieBlake]

The words I've dreaded seeing

Post op infection at an opening in the left hand suture line.

At least I know what to look for and caught it right off, now I can look forward to 10 days on keflex.

I'm not happy about this :-(. At 5 weeks post op I was supposed to be out of the woods.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! I'm sorry to hear that, Sadie. As you say, good that it was caught early.

Hugs, Devlyn

[SadieBlake]

Thanks Dev, feeling better this morning and of course now something has decided to start bleeding again, can't tell if it's inside the vaginal canal or the clitoral area :-(. It seems to just come and go, no pattern I can figure out.

Last night I was feeling pretty bleak but this morning feeling more philosophical, I've been on keflex before and don't remember any particular ill effects and it seems to be working already.

[Dena]

I'm not happy about this :-(. At 5 weeks post op I was supposed to be out of the woods.

Until the sutures fully dissolve, it's a possible source of infection. The good news is commonly they do this about week 5 or 6 so you should be pretty well out of the woods. At least your half way through most of the healing so maybe the rest will be smooth sailing.

[SadieBlake]

Well, progress.

I survived the 10 days on keflex, unfortunately Heidi wants me on a new course of the stuff until the area by the fourchette where the sutures had opened up is fully healed, I'll dutifully pick that up today. I think the risk of reinfection is vanishingly small and I know the keflex is going to bring back some fatigue but she's right, it's the smart, conservative choice.

I also realized that I really need to keep up with eating gelatin and other collagen forming supplements. It seems to improve healing as well as keeping the pain down.

From the email I sent the surgical nurse Tuesday: both late last night and early this morning I found 2" long strings of apparently dead skin hanging from the posterior of the neovaginal wall. I cut it with scissors, you can see the remaining end in the photo.

I noticed after this happened the quite rank odor of the vaginal discharge had lessened. Then yesterday on one of my breaks to change maxipad / dressing, there was like a teaspoon worth of skin/sludge shed onto the pad. Eeewwwwww! And after that, my vagina doesn't smell ... well it smells like it should. Such a relief.

Speaking of breaks, yes I worked a full day of blowing glass yesterday. I'd worked short (4 hour) days the prior two Thursdays and one Saturday and been so wiped out that the only thing I could do after was lay down for 15 minutes to recover some and then drag myself to the university entrance and hail an Uber I can ill afford to get home. Yesterday I had enough energy to walk myself the ½ mile to the bus stop. It wasn't as pleasant or quick as blowing $15 on a ride but it did get me home. To be sure, I was still fatigued and fell asleep early. But there was some more good news, I slept from 9:30 right thru to 5 am which is a first and in another first the vaginal discharge was light enough that it didn't overflow the pad into my panties.

So I feel at week 7 post op like I've turned a significant corner. There have been a lot of smaller corners turned along the way but this one feels huge. Oh and the cat just stepped on my crotch and there was no stabbing pain, another first :-)

[Devlyn]

Big hug! So the pussy stepped on your pu.....oh, hey, look at the time! I have to run. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[SadieBlake]

Yeah, 16# cat, she just came back and stepped dead square on my still healing (neo)clitoris.

Yikes!

[Michelle_P]

Hi, Sadie!   I've heard of the skin thing before, with the old layers of dead epidermis sloughing off as the dermis regenerates and adjusts to its new environment.  It often sloughs off in tiny light colored pieces we won't notice, but a good tough hide can slide off intact!  Sort of gross, but a normal part of healing.  Good to hear the fourchette is healing as well.  (Ow!)

Doing a full day of glasswork is awesome.  I'm not surprised you slept well after that!  (That would wipe me out without any surgery to recover from.  Heck, hanging out with a friend while he worked glass for 6 hours back in college got to me just from the heat and strange air in the studio.)

Congratulations on your relatively fast recovery.  Determination and care has something to do with it, I'm sure.  😼

[SadieBlake]

Huge progress this week!

First, dilation Friday afternoon was feeling pretty good so I had a go at masturbation. I put in a plain old dildo (feels so much better than those hard plastic things), and spent the next 20 minutes listening to something very erotic while fingering my mons and occasionally penetrating myself actively with the silicone toy.

There was no orgasm and that was fine, the pain from various places is still there and my clitoris while surely fully innervated, was feeling more super sensitive/prickly and definitely not fun to touch. However I sure had a nice buzz and enjoyed basking in feeling sexy for a change and it was great that I didn't need to suspend disbelief or force it in order to feel some pleasure :-).

Second my vaginal discharge is hugely reduced, the odor is completely gone and no sign of bleeding, where mid week I was still soaking out a maxipad in 4 hours. Since that last big chunk of skin was shed, the flow has reduced to the point the pads are barely damp after 5-6 hours. This morning I went out with just a panty liner, so much more comfortable and wearing pretty rather than just functional underwear for the first time in nearly 2 months :-).

And I'm no longer needing ibuprofen, just took two doses yesterday and only experienced minor discomfort.

Biggest problem I'm feeling right now is because there's still an unhealed area where the left side sutures separated Heidi put me on another course of keflex I am not fond of taking antibiotics as prophylaxis but doc's orders :-(. Oh and I may have a bunch of maxipads I don't have a use for, at least as I was downsizing I went with smaller packages :-).

[SadieBlake]

8 weeks post op today.

More strides to healing. I can sit with moderate comfort on any surface, haven't needed ibuprofen in several days and I just had a look at the area of the left suture line that's been open and it has nearly fully closed - huge improvement since just yesterday :-).

Yesterday I got myself off again, again no orgasm but it felt really good and I have no doubt I'll be orgasmic in good time.

And I'm finally able to look at myself in the mirror wearing something revealing and feel good about myself. This is something that hadn't even been on my radar. I historically just avoid mirrors and suddenly I actually like what I see.

I hadn't thought to hope for that. I guess denial has been a stronger force than I'd allowed.

Hugs everyone and thanks bunches, as ever.

[HappyMoni]

Sadie,
   So happy to hear the progress report. I like the idea of liking the mirror, it has not been my friend either. I cannot go out in leggings until the bulge is gone.  Insecurity, I guess. I am wondering how long it is comfortable to sit for. It is without the donut right? How is the energy level? I know it is better, but do you still gets wiped out with much activity, or too many days of pushing it? Take care!
Moni

[SadieBlake]

Moni, yes and I know how many trans women avoid the mirror, I just hadn't realized I was one of them, just how deeply this had affected me really is a surprise. The next thing you know I might start caring enough to work on passing. I put my hair in a French braid today, that felt good also.

As for sitting, I stopped using the donut ring a couple of weeks ago. To sit on a bench to work I need to be properly anchored and so since the beginning of June I've used a pair of pads made with folded newspaper and a gap between and for other things I've been sitting on a folded notebook as a pad that can be under one butt cheek or the other. This week I can pretty much just sit and theres a tiny bit of discomfort -- things are clearly still a bit swollen.

My energy was back to close to normal a week ago when I was off keflex for a whole day, if I hadn't been put back onto a prophylactic course I think my energy level would be back to 100%. I know the fatigue that goes with the antibiotic and it's different.

This week I'm hankering to get back on a bike -- I know Heidi isn't going to allow that for a couple more weeks but it I can feel it's going to be ok soon. Once I'm off keflex, I plan to get to the rock climbing gym -- I need to get back the strength that lower activity has invariably cost me.

[SadieBlake]

It's been another week of steady if slow progress.

Healing progresses, my energy is definitely better and I had sex with my gf this morning.

Pretty happy girl here :-)

p.s. I also have now fingered myself pretty deeply. That experience is mixed. The shape inside definitely doesn't feel much like a natal female's vagina. This is certainly no surprise, I'd more or less worked out that what the surgeons can do isn't going to really match. I'm still quite happy with the outcome.

[SadieBlake]

Something else new this week, for 2 decades now there have been more styles of panties that I couldn't wear than I could. Either because the <shenis> or testicles would fall out making the dysphoria worse or the weight of same would cause the underwear to ride down my hips and ultimately fall off. That's so much a thing of the past; I can wear any style all day and they simply stay put.

I hadn't realized how good that would feel and so on the strength of just this today I went out dressed in a simple knit skirt. I didn't care a whit what strangers thought of me and back home now I'm simply happy. I hadn't been out in public en femme in many years and now it's just easy. No bulge to hide, simply able to wear something feminine and not a worry in the world about it.

[I Am Jess]

Something else new this week, for 2 decades now there have been more styles of panties that I couldn't wear than I could. Either because the <shenis> or testicles would fall out making the dysphoria worse or the weight of same would cause the underwear to ride down my hips and ultimately fall off. That's so much a thing of the past; I can wear any style all day and they simply stay put.

I hadn't realized how good that would feel and so on the strength of just this today I went out dressed in a simple knit skirt. I didn't care a whit what strangers thought of me and back home now I'm simply happy. I hadn't been out in public en femme in many years and now it's just easy. No bulge to hide, simply able to wear something feminine and not a worry in the world about it.

This.... I remember walking into work shortly after my GCS wearing a fairly light dress.  The wind was blowing pretty strong and pushed my dress against me pretty tightly.  I remember thinking oh wow! No need to worry about there being any bulge showing.  It was a moment of liberation!!

[SadieBlake]

Now I'm pretty certain this experience would be No Big Deal for many (most?) of us, today was another first for me.

I went out again, same skirt but this time took a bus & train and a good bit of walking. This certainly made me a lot more self conscious 'cause still not passing, beard etc.

Afaics, nobody so much as looked twice. -- well until I arrived at the lab to do some work where it was my first time in wearing a skirt so of course my friends, lab mates noticed but no comments either way.

A small thing but definitely a good day. We also stopped in at my favorite bar on the way home where I had my second beer in 9+ weeks. That was lovely.

[FinallyMichelle]

Really Sadie you've hit it. 😊

I want it so bad just to wake every day and not feel the incongruity. It's getting closer every day.

Thank you for the continued updates. 😘 It has made a difference.

[SadieBlake]

Michelle, you're welcome of course and thanks for saying this. I'd been a member of this site 20 years ago and stopped coming when I decided against medical transition. Returning last year when I'd been on hrt for 3 months and badly needed to verify what things had changed in both the details of surgery and the approval process to be permitted.

I have to say some of the help was spotty, in particular, validating my memories of surgery details from the late '90s came indirectly through another site, information on HRT and especially learning people's experiences on HRT and of their surgeries has been amazingly helpful.

And just the emotional support, sharing feelings, histories joys and difficulties has been the most important part. The members here are really good about being there for each other.

So while I'm nearly done with transition, I'll be here a little longer, I feel it's important to give back as much as possible. Hearing that it makes a difference is important.

I'm glad if you are getting closer, hugs and if you have anything specific at all I can help with don't hesitate to say :-).

[SadieBlake]

Well so much for being out in a skirt and not being hassled.

This evening some ->-bleeped-<- in a car shouting "is that a kilt?" and then yelling at me for a block when he wasn't happy with the answer.

<Sigh>. Had to happen eventually. Right now my harassment rate is once per every 2 miles of walking, I sure hope it's not that often over time.