Lately I've been thinking about some of the things I did before I went full time. There are a few memories I can play back over and over and I just can't help but keep wishing I could go back and change them.
There's one, from about 2012. I was standing in line at the shoppette on post, I was in uniform just picking up a bottle of whiskey by myself to go home and drown my week with. The cashier was a man dealing with transition but still presenting male.. Everyone could tell. He had long dark hair up in a messy bun, a hint of natural makeup and nails always done. He used a femme voice that you could tell was a work in progress. He had goals.
I had seen him there every friday like clockwork, and I could see him transforming more and more with every bottle of jack daniels I bought. I always went through his line, because I wanted to ask him something. But I didn't know what. I was so jealous of what he was doing with himself. Everyone in line ignored him. They would barely make eye contact. While I would smile and try to joke with him and get him to laugh.. I always wanted to give him a compliment. But the "manly man" wearing my uniform wouldn't let me do it in front of other people. I was so shallow. Thinking back on it. Why didn't I just give the guy the compliment his nails deserved? Idk
I guess this sort of turned into a confession about dumb stuff I did as a man.
