Hey there, everybody. My name is Eli. Not that most people in real life know that. For a lot of personal reasons that I am sure you can all understand when I say--it's complicated--I am finally coming to awareness of who I am. At 30 yrs of age it feels a bit belated, but. It's now, not 'never'. lol
There's a lot to my personal story but I will try to make it short. I am a gay FtM, a writer, a Christian, perhaps an aspiring preacher (although that should be an interesting debacle considering the transphobia of our culture--and don't worry, I don't plan to harass anybody about religion; I know some people worry about that. At the same time, I'm open to questions), and a student taking online courses... finally soooo close to getting my B.A. in General Studies (both Psychology and Biblical Studies, and briefly English, were my concentrations before I finally settled on 'General'). It's been a long and difficult journey, due to... READ BELOW FOR MORE PERSONAL STUFF THAN I MEANT TO GET INTO --
I had brain surgery to correct debilitating epilepsy about 3 years ago. My memory and reaction time and planning are mostly the things still affected, but my recovery as well as the success of the surgery have both been miraculous, and that is definitely an understatement. After getting through the worst of that I was/am finally emotionally and psychologically in a place where I was well enough to face the issues that I had buried ridiculously deep for all of my life. I am actually a dude in a woman's body. That is still so trippy to think about because where I live nobody I know talks about things like this. It's come as a shock to me to realize that I've been acting all of my life, working so hard to play the part of the 'perfect woman', until I just ran out of energy for it and didn't care enough to act so that my gender-neutral presentation these days tends to confuse and alienate people even more than my overly formal and sugary sweet 'nice girl' persona used to. lol, the nice part was never an act, just how I went about expressing it.
So, I'm here, after much lurking and confusion. It actually feels good to type these thoughts out. I guess I'm hoping to make some meaningful connections and get tips on how to deal with the gender body dysphoria issues that I have been repressing for too long now, much to the detriment of my overall health.
Thanks for having me here. My next classes are starting up so I might not be on here as much as I want to be, but I will try my best--after all, why be here if I'm not going to participate, right? lol XD
Hope you are all doing well.
-Eli
