Coming out to my parents in the next 24 hours

[Saira128]

    A part of me is nervous, a part of me is excited, another part is depressed, and the rest of me is raring to go.
    I hope they would accept me for who I am.

I will keep this thread updated.

Wish me luck!

[Raell]

I think that as long as you accept yourself, and only tell your parents as a matter of polite information instead of a plea for acceptance, it will be fine.

Older parents tend to see the behavior of children as a reflection on themselves, often blame themselves for any deviation from convention.
But if you are calm and reassuring, you can allay their fears.

If they berate you, it could mean they are under the impression that transitioning is some sort of "choice" (showing lack of information on the subject), believing that their disapproval will shame you into getting back in line. If they are religious, they might actually fear for your "soul," so you could view it as a sort of protective behavior.

But if you just laugh and say that it isn't really a choice, then move on to another topic, or just answer their questions, you might educate them enough to relax.

If they become abusive, you can always cheerfully remark that you're sorry they feel that way, and you love them, but of course you must live your life in a way that makes you happy.

As long as you remain cheerful and loving, don't react when they try to push your buttons, and don't act or feel desperate for their approval, it should go well.

You can always cut the visit short by glancing at your watch, saying you have to meet some friends, you love then and will see them later, and then leave.

I'm saying how to do it, not saying that I actually could pull it off without losing my temper.

[SadieBlake]

Saira, you've not said enough - at least that I can remember - about your parents for me to have any idea how safe a move this may be. If you must then do, just know that we never know the outcome of coming out.

Stay calm and above all, stay safe. I mean this mostly about emotional safety. If you expect bad responses, consider waiting and talking to people who know them for advice first.

For instance, I talked about transition first with my younger daughter who didn't already know I was trans but who I felt certain would be more accepting than her sister who had figured it out earlier and had negative reactions. As it worked out, both were OK but the order I chose was the better choice. A successful first conversation made the more risky one easier.

Best luck and wishes, do shout if you need support.

[Saira128]

Saira, you've not said enough - at least that I can remember - about your parents for me to have any idea how safe a move this may be. If you must then do, just know that we never know the outcome of coming out.

Stay calm and above all, stay safe. I mean this mostly about emotional safety. If you expect bad responses, consider waiting and talking to people who know them for advice first.

For instance, I talked about transition first with my younger daughter who didn't already know I was trans but who I felt certain would be more accepting than her sister who had figured it out earlier and had negative reactions. As it worked out, both were OK but the order I chose was the better choice. A successful first conversation made the more risky one easier.

Best luck and wishes, do shout if you need support.

My parents -
My Dad - Ophthalm Surgeon( Eye surgeon) [ Probably the most respected in my city ]
- Not much of a religious background, very friendly, probably, my best friend. He is the kind of guy, everyone wants to talk to.

My Mom-
- Head of the Pharmacology Department in a Med School for the past 20 yrs. Began teaching when she was 25. Does a lot of research work now. She is also a Phd guide.
- Atheist
-Very open minded

Don't really know their views about the lgbtq community, mostly, because it barely exists in India. Being gay is illegal in India, being a lesbian is legal, being transgender falls under a grey area ( very weird laws ) (I hate my country)

I wanted to tell my mom first. But, I'm afraid, dad will be home too tomorrow, so, probably, will tell them together.

What do you think? I think they will be ok with it.
Keeping my fingers crossed.

[Saira128]

I think that as long as you accept yourself, and only tell your parents as a matter of polite information instead of a plea for acceptance, it will be fine.

Older parents tend to see the behavior of children as a reflection on themselves, often blame themselves for any deviation from convention.
But if you are calm and reassuring, you can allay their fears.

If they berate you, it could mean they are under the impression that transitioning is some sort of "choice" (showing lack of information on the subject), believing that their disapproval will shame you into getting back in line. If they are religious, they might actually fear for your "soul," so you could view it as a sort of protective behavior.

But if you just laugh and say that it isn't really a choice, then move on to another topic, or just answer their questions, you might educate them enough to relax.

If they become abusive, you can always cheerfully remark that you're sorry they feel that way, and you love them, but of course you must live your life in a way that makes you happy.

As long as you remain cheerful and loving, don't react when they try to push your buttons, and don't act or feel desperate for their approval, it should go well.

You can always cut the visit short by glancing at your watch, saying you have to meet some friends, you love then and will see them later, and then leave.

I'm saying how to do it, not saying that I actually could pull it off without losing my temper.

Points noted. Thank you so much.
Will keep you updated.

[Paige]

My parents -
My Dad - Ophthalm Surgeon( Eye surgeon) [ Probably the most respected in my city ]
- Not much of a religious background, very friendly, probably, my best friend. He is the kind of guy, everyone wants to talk to.

My Mom-
- Head of the Pharmacology Department in a Med School for the past 20 yrs. Began teaching when she was 25. Does a lot of research work now. She is also a Phd guide.
- Atheist
-Very open minded

Don't really know their views about the lgbtq community, mostly, because it barely exists in India. Being gay is illegal in India, being a lesbian is legal, being transgender falls under a grey area ( very weird laws ) (I hate my country)

I wanted to tell my mom first. But, I'm afraid, dad will be home too tomorrow, so, probably, will tell them together.

What do you think? I think they will be ok with it.
Keeping my fingers crossed.

Hi Saira,

It does sound like your parents have the financial ability to help you if you need to move to another country to proceed with transitioning.

The only thing I would wonder about is that many Indian families prefer male children over female.   Have your parents ever expressed this type of preference to you?  Your mother doesn't really sound like the type that would be concerned about this sort of thing.

Good luck,
Paige

[Saira128]

Hi Saira,

It does sound like your parents have the financial ability to help you if you need to move to another country to proceed with transitioning.

The only thing I would wonder about is that many Indian families prefer male children over female.   Have your parents ever expressed this type of preference to you?  Your mother doesn't really sound like the type that would be concerned about this sort of thing.

Good luck,
Paige

I know, its a very common problem in India. Sometimes, I feel ashamed being associated with this country. 
     My parents on the other hand,  haven't really expressed anything of that sort. I have a sister who is 4 years older than me. They have always loved us equally.
     I just wish I could be a good sister and a daughter.
   

[SadieBlake]

My parents -
My Dad - Ophthalm Surgeon( Eye surgeon) [ Probably the most respected in my city ]
- Not much of a religious background, very friendly, probably, my best friend. He is the kind of guy, everyone wants to talk to.

My Mom-
- Head of the Pharmacology Department in a Med School for the past 20 yrs. Began teaching when she was 25. Does a lot of research work now. She is also a Phd guide.
- Atheist
-Very open minded

Don't really know their views about the lgbtq community, mostly, because it barely exists in India. Being gay is illegal in India, being a lesbian is legal, being transgender falls under a grey area ( very weird laws ) (I hate my country)

I wanted to tell my mom first. But, I'm afraid, dad will be home too tomorrow, so, probably, will tell them together.

What do you think? I think they will be ok with it.
Keeping my fingers crossed.

You're going to be fine, I bring the experience of a nearly worst case family, hence my tendency to caution.

I'm glad you have such wonderful parents. This is hard for me to even comprehend and yet hearing you move forward makes me happy and better able to handle my own challenges :-).

sb

[Selenakyle]

How did it go?  Fingers crossed for the best!

[Saira128]

How did it go?  Fingers crossed for the best!

I wasn't able to! The words just didn't come out of my mouth!
    They know something is up, they have seen my shaved arms, they have asked about it, there reaction wasn't positive.
     I don't know, I'll just wait for the perfect moment.
   

[CoriM]

It really takes a lot of courage to say something so important. I finally told my wife a few days ago, but only after getting hold of my fear. Sort of like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING kind of fear. And there was emotion a-plenty.
You can do it! We're here with you.

Sent from my XT1030 using Tapatalk

[Saira128]

It really takes a lot of courage to say something so important. I finally told my wife a few days ago, but only after getting hold of my fear. Sort of like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING kind of fear. And there was emotion a-plenty.
You can do it! We're here with you.

Sent from my XT1030 using Tapatalk

Congrats for coming out to your wife! I wish I can overcome my fears and come out to my family.

[KathyLauren]

     I wasn't able to! The words just didn't come out of my mouth!
    They know something is up, they have seen my shaved arms, they have asked about it, there reaction wasn't positive.
     I don't know, I'll just wait for the perfect moment.
   

I know the feeling well.  I must have tried 50 times before I could finally get the words out of my mouth to my wife.

Don't worry, you can do it.  Don't wait for the "perfect" moment.  There isn't a perfect moment.  When you feel "I can do this.  I will do this", then just do it.

[Selenakyle]

     I wasn't able to! The words just didn't come out of my mouth!
    They know something is up, they have seen my shaved arms, they have asked about it, there reaction wasn't positive.
     I don't know, I'll just wait for the perfect moment.
   

Eep!  I'm sure you'll gather the courage to do it soon.

[Saira128]

Eep!  I'm sure you'll gather the courage to do it soon.

I don't know girl! I really don't know. I get cold thinking about it.

[SadieBlake]

     I wasn't able to! The words just didn't come out of my mouth!
    They know something is up, they have seen my shaved arms, they have asked about it, there reaction wasn't positive.
     I don't know, I'll just wait for the perfect moment.
   

If they're commenting, even if it's negative, I'd say the time has come. Maybe they haven't already guessed and I can't imagine what else they'd think of your shaved arms but it sounds like you're already outed and I'd think better to be really out than them wondering.

Best wishes and I still think it's going to be fine when you do it.

[Raell]

It must be particularly difficult for males to come out as females, since for many families, that would be seen as a lowering of status, and could be seen as the men "ruining" their lives.

Females "upgrading" to male probably aren't as traumatic for their families, at least at first, since women's fashions allow women to dress as males. But there may be negative reactions when females start growing beards.

I don't know how it is, though. I thought I was going to have to take T to relieve dysphoria and panic attacks, but instead, I got relief from taking a local Thai evergreen herb, derris scandens, used for back pain. So I remain looking like a girl, and my clothing has always been borderline androgynous, even at work, so I haven't done anything drastic.

I did "come out" to my family as partially transmale, but was ignored, most likely because they had no idea what I was talking about, and didn't care. After all, I've acted like a default boy all my life.

[Janes Groove]

Where you are is so familiar to me.  I remember it as being in the worst of 2 worlds at the same time.  Should I or shouldn't I?  Always anxious.  Unable to think about anything else all day and all night.  It's really an untenable position.   Something eventually has to give either backwards or forwards. At the time of my coming out,  I took strength from the words of Lady Macbeth.  "If it's to be done. Best it be done quick."