problems with parts that is attached to my body

[Amoré]

Hi all this is a bit of a difficult thing to talk about but I need help.

Well after almost a year on hrt and living 6 months full time I am finding it harder living with my male bottom parts. It is as if something in me snapped and the more feminine I get the less I can stand it. It is getting so bad now that I can't stand getting an erection and then end up getting a panic attack. The problem is also I can't bring myself to an orgasm because of the male way of getting there and having it hard and all so I lost my sexual ability also in this process. If we I try getting something done to relieve the pressure I end up with a panic attack before I get there.

It just feels like a very male thing to do and a male thing to have attached to me and all that I am is screaming female.

How can I deal with that part of me without flipping out.

[Sophia Sage]

Get yourself scheduled for SRS.

In the meantime, what worked for me was extensive tucking.  I kept everything shaved, and taped over everything with skin-colored foam tape, leaving a little hole at the end for peeing; otherwise, everything was kept invisible. 

As for your sexuality, well, remember that it's basically just an overgrown clitoris. Seriously, it's the same structure.  I would limit myself to touching just one specific spot, a bit of loose skin just below the frenulum (which required a bigger hole, but I still kept everything tightly taped up).  As distasteful as it is, I do think it helps to keep certain nerves periodically engaged in the interest of preserving your future sexuality.  But, obviously, your mileage may very.

[JoanneB]

I'm curious if you know how low your T levels are? I know, YMMV and all that but.... With T in the sub-basement and the intense genital dysphoria and sex being a lot between the ears....

[Amoré]

I'm curious if you know how low your T levels are? I know, YMMV and all that but.... With T in the sub-basement and the intense genital dysphoria and sex being a lot between the ears....

T level is at 0 so basically non existant.

[Amoré]

Get yourself scheduled for SRS.

In the meantime, what worked for me was extensive tucking.  I kept everything shaved, and taped over everything with skin-colored foam tape, leaving a little hole at the end for peeing; otherwise, everything was kept invisible. 

As for your sexuality, well, remember that it's basically just an overgrown clitoris. Seriously, it's the same structure.  I would limit myself to touching just one specific spot, a bit of loose skin just below the frenulum (which required a bigger hole, but I still kept everything tightly taped up).  As distasteful as it is, I do think it helps to keep certain nerves periodically engaged in the interest of preserving your future sexuality.  But, obviously, your mileage may very.

Foam tape sounds like a good idea but isn't hygiene a problem then, also I don't really know what foam tape is I know duct tape and so on.

SRS is in the future but not a possibility now due to finances and saving for it or waiting for an investment to pay out.

Also how long can you keep the tape on for?

[Ms Grace]

For a lot of trans people, their genitals are an aberration, a defect, a disfigurement...but the fact we share the same configuration of genitals as half the population of the planet - all others in our assigned gender group - our genitals are not seen as a disfigurement by the cis gender majority.

Typical cisplaining goes along the lines of "you have a penis because you were born male, men have penises, therefore you having a penis is not a disfigurement. In fact, if you have surgery to remove it you are disfiguring yourself". Gee, thanks cis person who has no idea about the trans condition whatsoever.

Physical disfigurement can cause significant emotional distress in people. So the issue is how to learn to cope with a disfigurement, if you see it that way and it kind of sounds like you do, especially when the cis world at large is fairly unsympathetic to the emotional pain this causes you.

Speaking for myself, when I was younger I really despised that part of my anatomy. I was a wretched mess and found it hard to know how to cope without taking a knife to it. It was making me obsessional and somewhat delusional...I was ascribing a lot of power and mind energy to that one part of my anatomy and it was stopping me from living and enjoying my life when in fact I mostly could regardless.  Somewhow, and I'm sorry I can't really explain how since it was a process formed by intent to be more forgiving of myself and more loving of myself...I did come to accept it. I wanted to make sure I wasn't caught up in the emotion of having the deformity before I took steps to correct it. And now I have done just that...a process which cisplaining would deem to be a "mutilation" has in fact been a correction and affirmation for me. But I'm glad I was able to accept and love my body, despite its deformity, before I took those steps.

So for you, the challenge is to find a way to take the distress out of having genitals you feel to be aberrant. As with most emotional distress it is possible to find coping mechanisms, often without chemicals, so you can feel calmer and find a degree of acceptance, enough to allow you to live your life without it being ruled by your emotional conflicts. I can't say what would work for you, maybe speak with an understanding counsellor to help you find a path.

[Amoré]

For a lot of trans people, their genitals are an aberration, a defect, a disfigurement...but the fact we share the same configuration of genitals as half the population of the planet - all others in our assigned gender group - our genitals are not seen as a disfigurement by the cis gender majority.

Typical cisplaining goes along the lines of "you have a penis because you were born male, men have penises, therefore you having a penis is not a disfigurement. In fact, if you have surgery to remove it you are disfiguring yourself". Gee, thanks cis person who has no idea about the trans condition whatsoever.

Physical disfigurement can cause significant emotional distress in people. So the issue is how to learn to cope with a disfigurement, if you see it that way and it kind of sounds like you do, especially when the cis world at large is fairly unsympathetic to the emotional pain this causes you.

Speaking for myself, when I was younger I really despised that part of my anatomy. I was a wretched mess and found it hard to know how to cope without taking a knife to it. It was making me obsessional and somewhat delusional...I was ascribing a lot of power and mind energy to that one part of my anatomy and it was stopping me from living and enjoying my life when in fact I mostly could regardless.  Somewhow, and I'm sorry I can't really explain how since it was a process formed by intent to be more forgiving of myself and more loving of myself...I did come to accept it. I wanted to make sure I wasn't caught up in the emotion of having the deformity before I took steps to correct it. And now I have done just that...a process which cisplaining would deem to be a "mutilation" has in fact been a correction and affirmation for me. But I'm glad I was able to accept and love my body, despite its deformity, before I took those steps.

So for you, the challenge is to find a way to take the distress out of having genitals you feel to be aberrant. As with most emotional distress it is possible to find coping mechanisms, often without chemicals, so you can feel calmer and find a degree of acceptance, enough to allow you to live your life without it being ruled by your emotional conflicts. I can't say what would work for you, maybe speak with an understanding counsellor to help you find a path.

Well I did try a couple of things to try and help with the distress. I think srs is going to be the only route for me that is realistic even if it is mutilating my body to help form it into what my brain wants it to be. I can't help what my brain wants and it is driving me insane if it is not getting what it wants. The discomfort it creates then is totally insane.

I am going to change endo's this jan to try someone else that has more experience to see if the mental issues I have is not partly due to not getting the balance right.