Starting out

[alannah]

Hi there

I just wanted to get a bit of advice, if that would be okay.

I have reached a certain age whereby I cannot carry on living as I have been. So, change it is. I have registered with a gender therapist, just to be sure, although I am already sure. I am planning a transition over quite a long period of time - I'm looking at it taking four years or maybe more. I don't want to mess it up. This has to be done right. So I am writing out a plan. The thing is I need to do something now, more than I have been doing. And, simply, I do not know quite where to start. Any help would be really appreciated. I hope it is okay to post this here. Thanks already.

Alannah

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. Assuming MTF, there are many things you can do start with as few or as many as you can handle.

Therapy
Start HRT
Facial hair removal
Growing out hair
Work on voice
Work on mannerism
Learning about makeup
Learning about fashion
Put together a presentable image
Get some part time experience.
Go full time
Surgery if you desire it.

The people on the site will be more than happy to help you with any of the items on the list. in addition there may be a few you want to add. I have seen people go through the list to the point of full time in months and others take it at a slower pace. Do it however you feel most comfortable.


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[Denise]

Alannah (pretty name) welcome to the club.

There are resources that will help you plan out what options you have.  Unfortunately everyone is different.  We each walk our own path while transitioning.  For example, I don't need any hair treatments, I have plenty but I do want facial surgery while others don't.

There are two long duration things you can work on now, voice and facial hair.  (I'm assuming by your name that you are MtF.)  Both of those take time and facial hair can run $10,000 - $20,000 and will take 6-12 months or longer (typically longer).  Voice training takes work and practice then more practice with more work.  Voice surgery is not guaranteed and is risky.

My journey started by coming out to the first person in mid October 2015 and today I'm trying to figure out when I won't pass as my old male self anymore.  It will probably be in 3-6 months. 

You stated you want to take years, I too started out on the 3-4 year plan but the mind and body will dictate your success on that.  Some people react quickly to hormones some do not.

Please remember a few things:
1) You have been thinking about this A LONG TIME.  Anyone you tell has NOT and it will take time for them to understand it.  Especially if you're married.
2) People who are not in your immediate family (at least in my case) DON'T CARE.  I don't mean that in a literal sense, but don't expect people to ask you questions or want to talk about it.  I have told nearly 80 people and I only talk to 5 people about my transition.  (All women by the way.)  Guys are less interested than girls, at least in my case.
3) CIS girls take 8ish years to go through puberty.  Some transwomen do it in 8 months. 

As for first steps - therapy is the absolute first step.  If you find a good gender therapist they can help you with a schedule and navigate the do's and don'ts.

Good luck and enjoy the ride.  It took me 10 months to come to terms that I'm transitioning.  After 54 years, I'm finally doing it.

- Dee

[alannah]

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I appreciate it very much.

[Mariah]

Hi Alannah, welcome to Susan's. The order really depends on you. Starting with a gender therapist is awful helpful as it helps sort through things and gets the ball going on any hoops you will need to jump through. If you have any hair removal that needs doing that is also something get started as soon as possible considering it is time consuming and expensive. From their the order depends on you and your needs though. I agree that you want to be working on mannerisms and voice by the time you go full time because it will make things a whole lot easier at that point. Also HRT can be a big help in other ways such as breasts when the time comes. Hugs
Mariah

[Denise]

I also found that imitation is the highest form of flattery.  But mimic the right things.

Over the past year I would walk through the mall, not to shop but to observe.  I would sit on a bench and watch people walk by, both men and women.  And I would try to identify what identified their gender.  I would also look at clothes that the ladies were wearing.  Not the teenagers or the college girls but women in their 30's and up.

  Try this, the next time you are in the car,  look at the other cars and try to determine what gender each person is representing.  It takes about 1 millisecond to decide male or female.  Now the hard part, why.  What about their appearance tipped you off.  Then aim for mimicking or avoiding those traits.


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[alannah]

Thanks so much. Yes, I already do that. I read somewhere you can tell someone's gender if you can see them from about 1 1/2 miles away. And yes, I absolutely understand. I am not a teenager and should not try to mimic those kind of fashions. In truth, I don't. I just wear what is comfortable. And that, really, is the crux of things. What is comfortable.

But still, I really really need a plan. I don't mean a rigid plan to stick to like glue, but there are things I have to do. What an adventure 2017 is going to be!

Thanks for all your help. It really means so much.

Alannah

[izzy]

I believe you are having a great start already. As far as fashions concerned, your right on the mark. I look for fashion that's not too over the top and i avoid stores that's catered to a young demographic such as forever21.

[invisiblemonsters]

a plan is a good thing to have but do not get discouraged when you hit a bump in the road (and you will!) you need to be realistic, and not expect too much from people when you are just starting out, or expecting everything to happen so fast like a lot of us do want. the hardest part will be the waiting. when you are waiting in between getting hormones, or what ever else and feeling like you just NEED to do more. it can really mess with you. i remember when i was doing therapy every 6 months-ish, and in between each session i would be going crazy trying to figure out what i could do in between each session. i started transitioning when i was 18, i did not finish (for me) until i was 23. that was with minimal hiccups (like having troubles finding a doctor who would do my shots right away once i got approved for hormones) just do not get discouraged because it is hard and keep your head up. the little things will make all the difference (changing your clothing, trying out a new name, etc.) and do not forget to enjoy the little things too when people start using that name, using your pronouns, etc.

and of course, as others have said therapy is the absolute first step. from there, you can make a plan with your therapist even like the next time you see them, you will have went clothing shopping or told someone, etc. that is what my therapist did with me to help introduce me to the idea/reality of living as male. the small things should come first as you are figuring it out as dena has listed some things. some seem so small, but they make the difference and boost your confidence and reassure you about your choices.