Do you give passes to anyone?

[Tessa James]

I honestly aspire to be less concerned about what others say or think of me.  My gender identity is clear to me and not subject to any popular vote.

People have called me gay, queer, bi, lesbian and just f'd up but that changes nothing in my reality. 

My day to day response depends on the situation and my ability to determine intent.  I expect most misgendering is innocent or because I have clear markers for those that notice such things.  The last thing I want is to get angry or have one of those overly profuse expressions of OMG i'm so Sorry!  I far prefer to be approachable and able to inform rather than inflict.

Why does gender matter so much anyway

[Anne Blake]

Hello Sophia, I thank you for your words of concern and warning. Those that I have offered this special license or privilege have, at least so far, realized the cost to me and have struggled to keep the requests to a minimum; still costly but bearable. And yes, I realize that there probably will come a time when I will no longer be able to do this for those special few, just hope that it is long from now.
Anne

[Denise]

I had 1-on-1 meeting with my manager today.  She's concerned that she will screw up and she will, a lot.  I've known her for a decade.

She was visibility releaved when I told her that she and the team gets a pass for an extended period of time.  Her boss I won't be as forgiving (I'm not a fan of him).

How do you handle walking down the hall and you run into someone you have not seen in a few months/years and from 30 feet they say "hey (old name), how ya doin?". I ask because, although I'm not Denise at work yet, that happened today and it made me think about the situation.

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[Tessa James]

I had 1-on-1 meeting with my manager today.  She's concerned that she will screw up and she will, a lot.  I've known her for a decade.

She was visibility releaved when I told her that she and the team gets a pass for an extended period of time.  Her boss I won't be as forgiving (I'm not a fan of him).

How do you handle walking down the hall and you run into someone you have not seen in a few months/years and from 30 feet they say "hey (old name), how ya doin?". I ask because, although I'm not Denise at work yet, that happened today and it made me think about the situation.

This would seem to me an opportunity for a calm explanation depending, of course, on your time and interest in educating others.  So cool of you to sit down and talk things over with people!

[Denise]

This would seem to me an opportunity for a calm explanation depending, of course, on your time and interest in educating others.  So cool of you to sit down and talk things over with people!

I'm a big fan of educating those around me.  The more they know the better we all are.

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[SpeakYourMind]

I classify people I know in buckets, family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers and strangers.

I'm about to switch to fill-time and I think I'm going to give out (figuratively not literally) gender-pronoun passes to people who have known me as Dan. ... Unless it the mis-gendering is done with malice, then all bets are off.

For example, my wife "supports" me (well, not against me is closer) and she gets a permanent pass on screwing up.  Family and immediate friends and co workers.  After decade+ of knowing someone, I think I would probably take years to get it right, if ever.

People I just met, strangers, etc I doubt I'll be as considerate.

Anyone have any words of wisdom?


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Parents- I gave them a pass for a entire year then i started to enforce the correct pronouns and respect
(It's helping slightly but not a lot but i expected that being they raised me as female and its hard)

Family- I gave a short amount of time for them to make mistakes but they don't see me much so it's not that hard
to get things correct so i didn't give them long. (Looks like there doing alright, but i haven't seen the entire family yet)

Friends - I gave about a year pass on and longer because my friends are close to me and i didn't have the heart to in force things on them faster then i felt necessary. Although i brought it up whenever i could to remind them its important for me and keep it in their mind so they wouldn't walk over it without thinking its important to me.
(They're doing fine)

And then my few trans friends growing up i had was like I NEW IT!

and so i say depending on how YOU feel passes are okay.