Depth confusion

[JustOneQuestion]

Hello everyone! I am almost a year post-op now. I dilate twice a day and it goed so much easier now than it used to.

In the Netherlands the dilate set you get is not the same length with every width. I am one away from using the biggest one. Which the doctors adviced me not to use too soon. I used it being about 5 a 6 months post-op. It went almost all the way in.. but hurted. When I took it out there was some blood on it and I was afraid to use it again. Now being 9 months post-op I been trying to use the larger one again but it wont fit all the way.

It doesn't feel like it reached till the end.. because I remember the end of the vagina feeling well, not painful but not pleasent either. I am confused either way.. did I lose depth or did it just become more difficult to reach the last 1cm because I almost never get that deep? I am afraid to force it and maybe end up bleeding again.

I bought a thinner dilator with the same length as my precious larger one. Is ir possible to get as deep as I used to? I am afraid to force anything but don't want to lose depth either so input would be appreciated.

[Sophia Sage]

When dilating to increase depth and/or width, a certain amount of micro-tearing of the vaginal walls is normal.  This will quickly heal, with new skin tissue building up to fill in the gaps, effectively creating more elasticity.  When I aggressively dilate (which hurts, yes) I expect to see a very small amount of blood -- a bit of a smear on my washcloth when cleaning up.