Drug Addiction & Coming Out

[VenessaKyle]

Hi there my name is Kyle I'm 25 years old from Massachusetts's. I'm new to this site but not new to this world. Just like everyone els here, I to had feelings at a very young age that I knew was considered to be abnormal. Constantly wishing I was born of the opposite sex. I always felt out of place. Growing up I was tournamented with the idea that something was wrong with me! That I was "sick" in the head, I ->-bleeped-<-ing hated that I had these "urges/tendencies". At times i felt like a freak of nature. Funny thing is when ever i was home alone i would race to my older sisters room an would go through her closet trying on all the cute outfits I had put together. Those few precious minutes/hours was the only time I really felt genuinely happy. I remember all the times looking back at myself in the mirror all "dolled" up saying to myself "I wish I was a girl!!!" followed by a "I ->-bleeped-<-ing hate myself!!!".

Skip forward a couple of years I started to smoke an drink. I realized when I drank I had become a different person. For once in my life I felt confident. I became outgoing. I could actually talk to people without haveing the overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I started smoking weed a experimenting with other drugs. Gradually makeing my way to harder drugs. Fast forward a few more years an here I am a full blown heroin addict. I use to say that my depression an anxiety was the root cause of my addiction. I'm currently on the methadone program. Every day I drive to the clinic to get my daily dose. I'm not 100% clean I'm still struggling with useing. However I recently decided to stop living in this hell. I been doing a lot of research an finally have come to the conclusion that I'm no longer going to hide from who I am!!! Im so excited to begin this new chapter in my life. To finally say good bye to Kyle an say hello to the real me!!! I'm 25 years old an feel like its the perfect time to begin transitioning. I just would like for some type of guidance/advice. As in how did you come out? I'm thinking of wtitting a letter to my mom or wait till things sorda calm down an take her out to lunch an then tell her.

Im pretty sure my mom knows what's going on with me an I want her to be the one who I fist officially come out to seeing how she's the one person who knows an understands me the best. The only thing that's holding me back from telling her is that I have put her through hell with my drug abuse an I feel really ->-bleeped-<-ty about having to put her through this now.

Please someone help me =/

[LordKAT]

Greetings and welcome to Susan's.  Coming out can be difficult. It can also be a huge relief.  It is useful to write a letter, even if you do it in person. It gives you a way to organize your thoughts and you can always just use it to refer to when talking to your mom. Be prepared for questions and ready to give her time to absorb what you say. If you have some links to places where she can read up about it or a book or two she can read to help understand, that can be useful also.

You may find that coming out eases the problems with ending your drug addiction. It gives you a new focus. I wish you all the best in that struggle.

[April_Girl]

Welcome, I also had issues with drugs from around 20 to 30 years of age nothing harder than coke but I was at it every weekend along with alcohol abuse up till the birth of my daughter at 39, I'm just about tee-total now so good look with your recovery, I'm sure you have taken a massive step in coming to terms with your true self!.

[Codia]

You may find that coming out eases the problems with ending your drug addiction. It gives you a new focus. I wish you all the best in that struggle.

I had drug problems in my past.  They were a pure form of escapism.  I didn't realize this, however, until I started transitioning and no longer found myself constantly looking for that next high.  Before transitioning I was getting high 2 or 3 times a week, sometimes by myself, and would justify it by saying I could quit if I wanted to.  I wasn't confident I could or ever would but once I started learning to love myself it seemed like a no-brainer.

[Janes Groove]

My only advice is to make sure when you do come out to your mom be sure to let her know that this is good news.

Make sure she gets that this is the best thing that's ever happened to you. That this is what makes YOU happy. Be sure not to couch it in negative terms like "nobody would ever want to be trans" or "nobody would ever choose to be trans."   Stay away from that kind of thing.