I was born with 'ambiguous genitalia'...

[Jacqueline]

Hi Missy,

I have work in theatre. Between that and my family I often am pulled away in the early evenings and week ends. So I tend to disappear then. Every so often when designing a big show, I am off for a couple weeks or more. I try to check in if someone has messaged me but respond less often.

I too have learned much from you and about myself from your posts. I would like to think in a face to face world we would be fast friends.

I understand how you feel different with your past challenges. I have started attending group social meetings in the past year and still feel a little on the outside. It's is not like your experience and probably because I am new, but still just feel a little off. Even occasionally here.

It has been great having you here. Thanks again for your posts and your kind words.

Most warmly,

Joanna

[MissGendered]

Hi Missy,

I have work in theatre. Between that and my family I often am pulled away in the early evenings and week ends. So I tend to disappear then. Every so often when designing a big show, I am off for a couple weeks or more. I try to check in if someone has messaged me but respond less often.

I too have learned much from you and about myself from your posts. I would like to think in a face to face world we would be fast friends.

I understand how you feel different with your past challenges. I have started attending group social meetings in the past year and still feel a little on the outside. It's is not like your experience and probably because I am new, but still just feel a little off. Even occasionally here.

It has been great having you here. Thanks again for your posts and your kind words.

Most warmly,

Joanna

Joanna,

Ahh, theater, yes, once upon a time...

I do believe you are right, in real life, we would hit it off instantly.

My issue with theater in my present life, would be the difficulty not being scrutinized for transness amongst so many LGBT-ers. They tend to be out and proud in such circles, and are consumate 'trans-spotters'. I had an experience when early in transition, while selling some of 'dead name's' things, where an openly gay fellow and his 'no, I'm not gay' friend came by to look over some items. They gendered me correctly, but when demonstrating the said 'boy items', the out and proud gay guy's face lit up, and he reaches up and tugs his one earring, and asks me 'how long has it been'. I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about, and said 'oh, I haven't used this thing in ages'. He presses on "no, hey, I'm gay, how long since you transitioned?". I looked up at him and said I was born female, but he would not let it go. He was smugly satisfied he had spotted a trans woman, and he was proud to have been so clever. His buddy then offers, 'well, your voice is kinda low, that's what gave you away". I did the deal, and hurried them out the door, mortified. My sister has a voice lower than my worst voice, and that kind of arrogance was completely unwarranted and unhelpful. So, I know better than to hang out with gay men anymore, or gay women, for that matter, or, heck, even trans people, they can be just as unwittingly unhelpful. I have much love for all of the above, but, my need for privacy outweighs everything else. Unless I tell my WHOLE story, somebody that thinks I am trans will never let go of that belief, once acquired. Even with full disclosure, they will want to group me under the trans umbrella, or at least 'other' me. Cis/straight women do not do this, though both gay and straight men do. Cis/straight women invariably see me as one of their own, but as somebody that went through incredible hell and survived all of it well, even though I am bi. So, I tend to socialize with cic/women almost exclusively as a result, but I do welcome time with bi gals whenever possible. And honestly, these are not bad crowds to hang with, anyway, ha!

Missy

[Jacqueline]

I just sent you a pm. May I say how beautiful your avatar is.

I am so sorry how badly our own community has treated you. That is just too much. I guess it is like the other time you mentioned your gay friend who could not understand why not compliment the "trans" she spotted. I know that "gaydar" is almost a game among my gay friends, I guess I didn't realize it extended to us too.

I always look forward to your posts.

Warmly,

Joanna

[MissGendered]

I just sent you a pm. May I say how beautiful your avatar is.

I am so sorry how badly our own community has treated you. That is just too much. I guess it is like the other time you mentioned your gay friend who could not understand why not compliment the "trans" she spotted. I know that "gaydar" is almost a game among my gay friends, I guess I didn't realize it extended to us too.

I always look forward to your posts.

Warmly,

Joanna

Thank you, Joanna! I do only post older photos, for stealth reasons, and because I haven't taken any new ones in over two years now. I cannot believe how much I have changed. My sister and I were looking at old family photos last summer, and we came upon one in particular, and I was identifying the people in it with her, and one fellow was unfamiliar to me, so I asked out loud "hey, who's that?". My sister looked closely and was stumped for a moment, then we both suddenly realized that it was 'dead person' and we had a mutual 'oh, wowww' moment. She has completely let go of 'old name', and that warms my heart, but with a deep respect and gratitude that 'old name' kept me alive all those years, despite his pain and misery. He was a good guy, I would date him in a heartbeat if I met him now, I really would.

But I do want to be clear about something. It might well be imagined that my changes are due to my XX status, and that is an assumption that is both false, and invalidating, when held by anybody, especially bio-male MTFs. Chromosomes only play a small role in sexual differentiation, most secondary sexual characteristics depend on at least 25 other known genes that play significant roles in how our bodies develop, and both males and females have these genes. We all have seen very girly looking bio-males, and very man-like bio-females, right? And we have all seen bio-male MTFs that look ah-may-zingly gorgeous and feminine after a minimum of HRT and transitional effort. My body was highly masculinized by T dosing and HGH as a child. I looked like a biker, not a woman. I feel I had no advantage over any bio-male when it came time to transition, or rather, de-transition, and my results have not outpaced bio-males at all. It took several years of HRT to achieve the look you now see. It didn't come fast and hard, as I hoped, and I had to work to learn to unlearn my maleness just as bio-male MTFs do. I am not saying all this for your edification, I really think you understand this already, but I am saying it for the MTFs that will read this later, so as to clarify my situation, and allow them to realize that they likely may have as much or more potential for feminization than I did, or do..

Back to the gaydar thing. Yes, cis gay/lesbians seem to feel they have a right to out us as if we are a sub-sect of their experience, and that they have privilege over us. What that gay guy did was heartless and thoughtless and arrogant. What business is it of his to judge me or even broach such a subject, let alone feel superior enough to explicitly imply I was lying to him about being born female? How dare he? Right? Smug, self-satisfied moron, and his closeted buddy? How dare he critique my voice? How insulting and invalidating was that? Gay/cis privilege coupled with male patriarchal privilege, and a big dose of supposed moral superiority. No thanks, I will take the full acceptance of cis/straight women any day over hashing out my full history with such thoughtless people.

But, people are just people. There are idiots everywhere, but good, kind, thoughtful, open-minded, open-hearted people exist side-by-side with them. We are all living and learning, though some are learning faster than others, lol...

Thank you again, for your feedback and kindness. I always look forward to your replies, thank you so much!

Missy