I need help

[insertusername]

Lately I have come to terms that I am possibly trans.

I have talked to one friend about it, and my therapist (she is assigning me to someone who can help me in this area, but I'm still scared about coming out)

I don't know what to tell my dad, he is already stressed enough and I know he is a very accepting person, but I'm scared. Yesterday I was going to tell him but it sorta went like "Dad?" "Yeah" "Nevermind" it's like as soon as he said "Yeah?" the biggest dread filled through, and I can't go through with it..

I've considered doing the "Write a note" method, but I'm still not sure. I can't exactly wait for my next therapy session for them to help me and talk to him for me, because the soonest appointment is in February and School starts January 30th, and I want to come out before then (So that I won't be required to wear the female uniform and be able to come out to the school)

h e l p
how do I tell him? I'm too scared.

[Jacqueline]

Welcome to the site.

Congratulations on coming to the decision to do something about the way you have felt. Now the hard part is doing something about it.

There are some examples of letters on the site in the wiki and resource areas here. There are also a lot of members here. I am sure some may have other suggestions.

May I ask a few questions? It sounds like you are living at home. Are you under 18? Only reason I ask is if you are, you will need permission from you parents to  choose any medical options. If not, they are yours to make but if living at home, often parents still have a say.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment to:

Things that you should read

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

I wish you love, acceptance and courage. Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna


PS, I am going to move this into a category called "Coming Out". You might get more hits there.

[LShipley]

Well ask yourself what is scaring you and what is motivating you through this. I'm a fan of the write a letter method myself and you may want to include those two answers in your letter.

Also, it's ok to be unsure and it's ok to say that too. You said possibly trans and this isn't something you want to rush. If you are completely honest at the very least you follow your heart, so that's a good place to start.

Finally, you aren't alone in this. Now or later you will find that there are plenty here at the least that will lend you support. Good luck!

[Tessa James]

You might consider having a conversation with him about the topic of transgender people. (if you have not already)  Sometimes it is easier to have a discussion about celebrities or anyone else to get a sense of his perspectives.  I would hope that his instincts would be to hold on to you and value every bit of connection possible.  I assume you are a young person and many teens can get withdrawn, moody and way prefer their peers to hang with.  I had a tough time keeping my own son close and regret the missed opportunities.

Fears can be reasonable and they can also grow like crazy in our minds.  It may be a shock to him or he might just have an inkling of something he may have been wondering about you for awhile.  Please give him space and time to think about it without reacting to his initial remarks.  It takes most of us a long time to figure ourselves out and we can offer someone we love some latitude too.  I also wonder if he might not feel proud to have been an OK role model for you?

[SpeakYourMind]

Lately I have come to terms that I am possibly trans.

I have talked to one friend about it, and my therapist (she is assigning me to someone who can help me in this area, but I'm still scared about coming out)

I don't know what to tell my dad, he is already stressed enough and I know he is a very accepting person, but I'm scared. Yesterday I was going to tell him but it sorta went like "Dad?" "Yeah" "Nevermind" it's like as soon as he said "Yeah?" the biggest dread filled through, and I can't go through with it..

I've considered doing the "Write a note" method, but I'm still not sure. I can't exactly wait for my next therapy session for them to help me and talk to him for me, because the soonest appointment is in February and School starts January 30th, and I want to come out before then (So that I won't be required to wear the female uniform and be able to come out to the school)

h e l p
how do I tell him? I'm too scared.

I remember this feeling it was scary and i did the same exact thing: "Mom, i want to tell you something" Never mind it went the same way funny how that works. 

But eventually after a couple attempts i got my courage up and said something it's a matter of giving yourself time and pushing threw realizing the outcome will make you happier inside your own life and is needed no matter the reaction.
Although it's good you think your dad would be accepting and if that is the case then opening up to him about this could be a struggle but it'd be more a struggle for him not to have known. You can do it.
Heck maybe you could bake a cake and put a note inside it so they'll have a destruction as well as a reaction so it won't feel as intense although i can't be sure that'll be true. 

[Denise]

Coming out to the first person is the hardest.  I did it by forcing my hand.  I told my sister 2 days before I saw her that I had something to talk to her about in private.

It was easy to do that since I was 750 miles away.  When I finally saw her and we were alone in the car (her driving) she forced it out of me.  Awkward, unsure, uneducated, pick a term and that was me.  We got through the conversation (I never mentioned Transgender) It was always terms like "I don't feel like a guy," "I've always wanted to be a girl."  And it went on from there.

Just a suggestion.

[LizK]

Lately I have come to terms that I am possibly trans.

I have talked to one friend about it, and my therapist (she is assigning me to someone who can help me in this area, but I'm still scared about coming out)

I don't know what to tell my dad, he is already stressed enough and I know he is a very accepting person, but I'm scared. Yesterday I was going to tell him but it sorta went like "Dad?" "Yeah" "Nevermind" it's like as soon as he said "Yeah?" the biggest dread filled through, and I can't go through with it..

I've considered doing the "Write a note" method, but I'm still not sure. I can't exactly wait for my next therapy session for them to help me and talk to him for me, because the soonest appointment is in February and School starts January 30th, and I want to come out before then (So that I won't be required to wear the female uniform and be able to come out to the school)

h e l p
how do I tell him? I'm too scared.

I can claim no expert status as things did not exactly work out as I had planned them with my parents. But I would encourage you to be honest and tell your Dad how you are feeling. You said he is a pretty open kind of guy...he may really surprise you. What ever you choose to do can I also suggest that you consider your timing and make sure you have enough time to have an in depth conversation if you need too. Rather than not allowing the time for him to ask the questions he may have. He may not have any for a start, it may take him a few days to let the knowledge sink inb before you find out exactly how he feels.

Good Luck

Liz