has anyone completely dropped everyone in there life to transition??? =\

[Nina_Ottawa]

Terri, seems we have had similar paths.

For me, the most shocking part of transition was that the people who knew before transition are the furthest from me ie. Family, former colleagues....people who knew me.

But now, the people who love me for who I am are the people who didn't know my past. And frankly, they don't care. Very few are inquisitive....probably thinking that's a part of me I don't want to talk about.

That's why I rejoined Susan's a few weeks ago, I missed connecting with those who have walked the walk like me...or those who are beginning their transition. My transition is done, there's nothing really left to accomplish or goals....except maybe be a mentor. I dunno.

My hubby never asks about the past. He knows a bit, but he'd rather live in the now. And I'm ok with that.

[Kylo]

I think I'm probably going to lose everything anyway.

I've been wrong before and had faith in things that I thought were unbreakable. I'm kind of glad I never had kids because I can't imagine the thought of someone taking them away from me.

I wonder if this is the reason I unconsciously led a pretty frugal Bohemian life. The idea it could all be taken away, so what's the point of building castles in the sky. . . and this idea that I'm probably going to die soon. Probably a coping mechanism to stop me building up any sort of hope or investment.

I don't deal well with loss of anything I've invested in. Which led me to invest in myself mostly. At least that can't be taken away. The decision to transition was easy because of it.

Friends can be horribly transient. Family can be surprisingly cold. At least you'll always be there, might as well do it for yourself. Everyone else takes care of themselves for themselves... why shouldn't you?

[Angela Drakken]

I wonder if this is the reason I unconsciously led a pretty frugal Bohemian life. The idea it could all be taken away, so what's the point of building castles in the sky. . . and this idea that I'm probably going to die soon. Probably a coping mechanism to stop me building up any sort of hope or investment.

Yeah, I did this as well,I didn't even leave home until I was 30 and was FORCED to, because I was petrified of beginning a life I didn't really.. have any interest in having. Knowing what I knew about myself, buying a house would've been madness, since I'd only lose it anyway. I refused to marry, I refused to have children, I refused to do anything but internalize myself, and hide away in my little space just.. honestly waiting for my life to one day be over. Occasionally dragged out by 'friends' (acquaintances) to socialize, and fake smiles, while I listened to how awesome literally everyone else's life was (from their perspective anyway.) All in all, I became an expert on 'small talk' since nobody really cares what anybody has to say anyway, they just (not so) politely wait for their turn to speak. Often impatiently. (You start to notice when nobody's actually listening to you, when you hear the same story 5 times in one night, like it's their first time speaking to you. Obviously having heard nothing you've said either.)


..Geez no wonder people (not so affectionately) call me Eeeyore..

[Kylo]

Yeah, I did this as well,I didn't even leave home until I was 30 and was FORCED to, because I was petrified of beginning a life I didn't really.. have any interest in having. Knowing what I knew about myself, buying a house would've been madness, since I'd only lose it anyway. I refused to marry, I refused to have children, I refused to do anything but internalize myself, and hide away in my little space just.. honestly waiting for my life to one day be over. Occasionally dragged out by 'friends' (acquaintances) to socialize, and fake smiles, while I listened to how awesome literally everyone else's life was (from their perspective anyway.) All in all, I became an expert on 'small talk' since nobody really cares what anybody has to say anyway, they just (not so) politely wait for their turn to speak. Often impatiently. (You start to notice when nobody's actually listening to you, when you hear the same story 5 times in one night, like it's their first time speaking to you. Obviously having heard nothing you've said either.)


..Geez no wonder people (not so affectionately) call me Eeeyore..

You just described my college years... someone even got me an Eeyore mug once as a totally subtle hint.

Some of us like to talk deep... I always despised the small talk. I put vodka and a ಠ_ಠ in its place.

[Angela Drakken]

You just described my college years... someone even got me an Eeyore mug once as a totally subtle hint.

Some of us like to talk deep... I always despised the small talk. I put vodka and a ಠ_ಠ in its place.

'vodka and a ಠ_ಠ' ROFL Kylo I always refered to it as 'drink til they're not stupid.' (Spoiler alert, I end up near alcohol poisoning, and they go home stupid still.) Or ended up having to grandstand and self depreciate, because it's my job to amuse other people at my own expense, or everything stays dull.

I never went to college, I bummed around working a lot of dead end jobs to save up money for NO REASON IN PARTICULAR >.> Before starting trade school. I'm glad I didn't. 9 times out of ten I feel like my interations with other people are akin to Patrick Bateman, in the novel (and film of the same name) American Psycho. I'm smiling, but it's not because people are funny, I'm imagining their gruesome end. (I promise I'm not an ACTUAL danger to anyone, my therapist said so!)

[Kylo]

My parents kicked me out at 19 and then got a smaller house so I couldn't move back in (nice one), but otherwise the search for intelligent life in the universe continues daily for me too.

[Angela Drakken]

My parents kicked me out at 19 and then got a smaller house so I couldn't move back in (nice one), but otherwise the search for intelligent life in the universe continues daily for me too.

I would've loved to have been kicked out at 19. I'd probably be long since finished transitioning by now, and infinitely less.. bitter and toxic.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I now have more friends, more social contacts, and a busier social calendar than when I was playing the role of her spouse.  My therapist commented on this as being the result of my finally being liberated, free to be myself after all these decades. We just don't interact very much while in hiding.

Me too. My wife was very controlling so I was unable to develop friendships on my own. She would get very upset if I interacted with someone without her there. She also handled communication with all of "her" friends. If I hadn't made friends through union work I would be very isolated right now. I'm gradually reaching out to people and it turns out I'm okay at this social thing.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Thanks Michelle, that's reassuring, but I've always been very well liked when being someone I'm not. =( People seem to prefer the 'fake' me.. (Family, friends and work included.) Still, I'm trying to remain forever the optimist.

To be fair, not only is there the transphobia you have to deal with but you probably haven't let the real you develop enough. The real me was pretty angry when I let him out, and people just don't respond well to that! You have to take some time to process those bottled up emotions so that you can be open to relating to people in a positive matter. Ignore if this doesn't apply to you.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Lol it's okay, I always make an effort to see the humor in it too. Levity is a great anti depressant lol

Pretty much. And at work its always cars, snowmobiles, UFC, football and all that other nonsense, or very very crude conversations about women. 'Locker room talk' that supposedly no man would ever say! (but they all say it.)

Not all men are that way! I've always thought it was a sign of a man who failed to develop his own interests that all he can possibly find to talk about are sports and "toys". There's also a social thing to talking about sports, a lowest common denominator, but there are absolutely folks who never grew past high school for whom it is their preferred subject (I like sports myself, but come on...). What I really can't stand are the Monday morning quarterbacks and break room coaches who are dumb as dirt but want to tell everyone how they're smarter than highly trained athletes.

And while sexually explicit talk is probably a given whenever enough adults are in the room, if they're getting Trumpy with it I would say it's a sign of serious insecurities. Probably afraid their women will leave them for a man who can talk intelligently on a subject other than sports and expensive toys!

[katie Brennan]

I am naturally a shy person, so when the idea of coming out presented itself, I was scared to death.  I thought that I would have to distance or even abandon all of the few friends that I had, especially the men in my family.

Although there were issues, as late as last weekend, with some of the male member's of my family referring to me in the masculine, even when truly dressed to the 9's (Skirt, heals, etc.), I learned that, in the end, it truly didn't matter, because those would not be the people in my inner circle of friends and family anyway.

Since I truly came out, my circle of supportive friends has increased more that I could thought it ever would.  Also, I am more close with most of my family then I ever was before.

It is truly amazing and it's only getting better.   

Katie

[Angela Drakken]

Not all men are that way! I've always thought it was a sign of a man who failed to develop his own interests that all he can possibly find to talk about are sports and "toys". There's also a social thing to talking about sports, a lowest common denominator, but there are absolutely folks who never grew past high school for whom it is their preferred subject (I like sports myself, but come on...). What I really can't stand are the Monday morning quarterbacks and break room coaches who are dumb as dirt but want to tell everyone how they're smarter than highly trained athletes.

And while sexually explicit talk is probably a given whenever enough adults are in the room, if they're getting Trumpy with it I would say it's a sign of serious insecurities. Probably afraid their women will leave them for a man who can talk intelligently on a subject other than sports and expensive toys!

All very good points. Though, I dont think its so much a developemental thing so much as a gender based expectation for 'men' to be this way or they run the risk of being perceived by their peers as lesser males. I know personally a dozen examples of men who don't willingly take part in the bravado, but they still feel the pressure to laugh and smile when others make thise jokes, even when they know full well theyre in bad taste. I donr know if its fear of being perceived as a lesser male or simply humoring the 'lowest common deniminator.' (Charitable act?)

[Kylo]

Ever been in a room full of women ragging on men? That's fun too...

I ignore it. From both camps.

[Angela Drakken]

Ever been in a room full of women ragging on men? That's fun too...

I ignore it. From both camps.

Yeah, there are some seriously toxic women out there too.