being so sensitive !

[pheonix]

I already strarted T and i was so exited cause i will finally be me and feel alive...i'm almost 30 and i feel i really want to do everything i didn't had the chance to do before ...cause i was trapped in the wrong body...i'm going trough so many hard mental and psycological changes that no one understand ...i don't know who's the man i'm yet....i ask my self who i'm and there is no answer..i don't mean my gender i'm male ofc but i mean what kind of man i'm....cause i'm trans i didn't had that chance to go trough experiences as a man and discover the man i'm ...i never live my childhood i never acted like a little boy or a teenage....now cause i just born..i feel i'm a big kid i act most of the time childish spontaneously and change again to act like that strong man that want to protect his family and loved ones but what i get when i try to act like a man.... is people start laughing and making fun of me..even my close ones make fun of it when i try to act manly they be like '' u try too hard '' and the most thing i hate is being too sensitive about it...i feel that i need to prove them i'm a real man by protecting them and help them but all they do is making fun of it i'm so tired of people think i'm less of a man or i'm crazy..everybody here think i'm crazy even my family ...i feel so angry lately and i'm really afraid of hurting my self ...plz help me....how can i know who truly i'm? how i can make them respect me as a man ? i hate that people think i'm someone else cause of something i did and judge me cause of it..i tried to protect my family from a robber and now they think i'm trying to look strong and a bad boy ..and they be like '' you are not that strong you can't hit everyone '' and someday someone (real man) will kill me or hit me so i realize i'm not strong like them (real men) ...
i want to feel confident and not care about what they think but i always find my self hurt from what they said and think about me !! but in the same time i want them to respect me as a man i hate the fact that they think i can't fight for them or protect them and be the man of the house and that i need to be scared from other guys cause i'm not a real man like them cause i will get hurt if i try to face them !!
they are so many weak biological males that really can't protect there loved ones or take responsabilities and even lose against stronger guys front of everybody but they still will respect them cause they are bio males !!! even if i may be stronger and do my responsabilities i will not get the respect cause i'm not bio male !!

[Kylo]

Confidence isn't showing off. Showing off (or over-compensation) is often the symptom of a lack of confidence in guys, which is why men make fun of it in other men they suspect it of. If you are constantly trying to do this in front of other men you may well have someone call you out on it or challenge you on it. If you're going to do this you can only expect it to attract attention, not all of it the kind you want.

Real confidence comes from experience and knowing you can do something, or being ready to do it at the right moment. If you have to remind people you're confident then you aren't. So stop trying to make them see it and be it.

Young guys often go through phases in life where they try to prove themselves. I did it quite a lot as a kid, doing stupid things with my guy friends to show I wasn't a coward. That's behavior you'd expect from a teenager, not a man.

First, you cannot ask for respect. You earn it. If you want them to respect you then stop trying so hard to prove "you're a man". You're a man (not a woman), so you don't have to prove it. Getting into fights because you're trying to prove yourself doesn't make you look confident. That isn't want an "alpha" does, if it's "alpha" you're trying to be. Alphas don't let what other people think rattle them, they don't waste energy on it. If you want to prove you're able to defend yourself and your place from someone, then do it when you actually have to, and use a bat or something only if you need to. You don't need to go around telling people you can defend your house. I can (and have) defended my house from people and it isn't as easy as you think, you have to be smart, because you don't know what weapons they will have. Charging in and announcing yourself isn't the best move. That's your last move, when all the others haven't worked.

Basically chill out, being so desperate to have others see you this way is making them think the opposite. Confidence comes from what you know about yourself, not what others think about you. What's going to happen if all your confidence comes from reputation in a moment when you're called on to show what you're made of, and if you don't really have it?

[Kylo]

I guess if you've spent years in the wrong skin you may have spent them feeling like you constantly have to prove yourself, and developing a more aggressive nature than women tend to have. I get that, I understand that idea because that's exactly what happened to me. It wasn't conscious or planned. I noticed it after making the decision to transition that I did have a calm exterior but underneath was a competitive (and even fight-happy) attitude.

You don't need to feed that as a man. It's not going to help you to do it. Your status is going to change and it won't be tolerated as easily to act in the same way. The best way to prove yourself is to channel your desire to prove yourself into getting things done and achieving things, not caring what people say. The guy out there who is going places isn't worried what some jackass says behind his back, he's concerned with what he wants done in life and he doesn't ask for it from others, he goes and does it himself. Take any of the old movie stereotypes of heroes and watch them. Do they worry about people calling them stuff? Do they let it stop them doing what they have to do? It may be an archetype but it's true - if you let things like that get in your way then you won't get from A to B.   

[kings joker]

I completely agree with kylo. Confidence comes from within and respect is earned. It may not be the answer you were hoping for but chill out is the advise I'm giving you. Just be yourself. You're trans, gender stereotypes don't apply to us so why would you apply them to yourself? At the end of the day you are a human being and you have wants, needs, desires and goals. It is your life and you should live it the way you want. Somebody living their life to the beat of their own drum is a much more attractive quality to people then someone who is so clearly trying to "fit in" or become someone they think everyone wants them/expects them to be.

If respect is what you desire then first off understand that it does not segregate based on gender. There are plenty of house holds that run to mom's liking or grandma's last word not dad's or grandpa's.
Secondly, I'll suggest you pick a few famous actors, characters, heroes, legends etc that have strong male roles, pick 3 or 4. Let these men be your role modal for qualities that you desire to have.
Some of mine would be Captain America, Odysseus, Romeo and Abe Lincoln. Find qualities in these men that you want to embody.
Captain America knows when to use his strength and when to use his words, both are powerful but in different ways. For me this shows trustworthiness and honor.
Odysseus spent 40 years battling life and death trying to return to his wife after the great Trojan war. For me this shows faithfulness and the ability to honor ones word.
Romeo spoke his honest feelings to woe a woman he had feelings for, not afraid of being called sensitive or weak. To me this shows real confidence in masculinity to show a softer side.
Abe Lincoln he could not tell a lie. This shows the ability to hold yourself accountable for your actions. Don't do wrong in the first place because lying about it in the end is a doubly bad crime.

Does this exercise make sense? It's hard to gain honor, trustiness, security in your masculinity, faithfulness etc but when you see it in role modals, it becomes a lot easier to embody those traits. To me, these traits are what make a real man and once you feel like you're in line with these kinds of things, confidence comes quickly.
No one can rag on you for not lying or not steal or not cheating or working an honest days work. If they do, it's even easier to say "well at least I wasn't sitting on the couch all day and stealing from my mom's purse." Nobody can standup to unmanly traits like those.

[WolfNightV4X1]

Ah...Some constructive criticism mate, it'd be easier to read your response if you used paragraph separations and periods and commas. They tend to run together and make it hard to read. Sorry.

That said, Im sorry to hear that. In all honesty its just the way your company is, it has nothing to do with how manly you are. You shouldnt have to prove yourself worthy, you already did, but as you said they will only laugh at you for it until you get beat up by another man someday, justifying your lack of manhood by that. Nothing you can prove is going to change them, the only thing to do is move on and be a man for yourself, as yourself. There shouldnt be any definition of what actions and behabior makes man besides that.

[FTMax]

100% agree with Kylo. I will call out any dude, cis or trans, who is putting on a show to seem like a big tough guy. It's fake, it's inauthentic, and nobody likes that.

Just be yourself. Your body might be changing but you're still who you are internally. Your personality doesn't change. The way you think doesn't change. The way you act might, but it shouldn't seem like you're an actor playing out the part of a tough guy.

If people think you're crazy because of the way you're acting, there is probably something not right or acceptable about how you are acting.