Now that you already know me...

[Enigma]

This is probably backwards, but then that's how my life feels at this point.  We all have the same childhood story, more or less, so I won't waste time telling you mine.  So me, from yesterday forward.  You already know me, or at least formed an opinion of me from my posts so far, so I won't attempt to sway that, just fill in the details.

I'm a 33 MtF, self described tomboy.  Yeah, that really screws up gender struggles doesn't it?  I feel like I am a dragon slayer at times, keeping it in its cave and keeping the townspeople safe from the wicked gender dragon, in my case the one that says the boys world is a nice place to vist, but I wouldn't want to live there.  I've been on and off hormones for a number of years, run up to the cliff of going full time and scaled back down rather then jumping off.  Some hero, huh? 

Control issues, probably.  The life I am living is not my own, not someone elses either, just not my own.  Or at least not the life I should be living.  Controlling my transition, not letting it control me.

Fin.

[daisybelle]

I am right there with ya....

I know there is a female waiting to break free.... but I have responsibilities to my family too...

I love my wife and my daughter.....   or do I love me enough to be who I really am...

Do I see the same girl in the mirror that belongs there? or am I an ugly unpassable freak?

Does any of this make sense?   

These are questions I ask everyday....

Daisy

[tinkerbell]

Hello Enigma and welcome to Susan's!

Thanks for your introduction.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay at Susan's!

tink

[Wing Walker]

Hello, Enigma, and welcome to Susan's!

This is a great place to unravel many things that are a part of the self, known and unknown to you.  The other people here might have a piece of your puzzle that is yours for the taking.

Wing Walker

[Kate]

Control issues, probably.  The life I am living is not my own, not someone elses either, just not my own.  Or at least not the life I should be living.  Controlling my transition, not letting it control me.

For what it's worth... and I DO so love irony... I only found freedom when I gave up any illusions I had of controlling my transition... and just surrendured totally to it.

And then held on for dear life

~Kate~

[cindybc]

Hi Sistars

Here is a post I submitted sometime back in one of my metaphysical groups I feel can also conform to our being as trans.

If you wish to be who you truly are then you may have to look at the world about you from a different angle. Also, take a good look within yourself to see the person you truly are. Touch yourself, feel yourself, know yourself, then be yourself.

There are as many colors within the range of human emotions, feelings, and perceptions as there are in the spectrum of visible light. The number of possible outcomes is without counting. This is why it is important to look at the world with reference to who you truly are to yourself and find the true you, the one without guile or error, your inner self. You might need to feel all of the colors that you can possibly feel to learn what you need to know, and like many other things in this imperfect world, certain combinations can hurt a lot when embraced. You will learn to quickly let go of what does not serve you well.

Once you have made up your mind and have determined who you are, you will have found the inner self. Then you can go forth in pride without fear or uncertainty as to who you are. If you have looked at yourself as mentioned above there will be no room for uncertainty in your spiritual walk or journey.

Always come from the purest part of the heart of your true self. Walking the spiritual path is not the easiest to walk, but it has many wonderful benefits, not the least among which are a good self-image, self esteem, the knowledge of being an equal (in some cases, above) with the rest of the world and truly shine the light for those on the lower rungs of the ladder, and happy with whom you sleep and awake even when you are alone.

Such is what you would call the road to enlightenment. One must know the darkness in order to appreciate the light.

May the Infinite bless you all on your journey in this world of uncertainties

Cindy