Post-Op sexual issues

[suzifrommd]

For the first time since my surgery 2 1/2 years ago, I have a romantic partner who is interested in exploring "down there". It hasn't gone well. Insertion of a finger and stimulation was not comfortable and certainly didn't give me any sexual thrill. I do have decent arousal and sensation and I have been able to achieve orgasms as long as I supplement my testosterone, but penetration doesn't seem to do anything for me.

She, on the other hand, greatly enjoys that sort of thing when I do it and it's bringing up a nasty sort of post-op dysphoria (I'll never have a neo-vag that works like a natural one, why couldn't I have just been born a cisgender woman, etc.)

Anyone had similar issues?

[KayXo]

I'm post-op since 2004. Fingers and stimulation inside (and outside, vulva) definitely arouse me and are a joyful experience. The problem might be that perhaps you are overthinking it, trying too much or that you are not attracted to your partner or the activity.

[Jenna Marie]

It's also possible that you do work the way a cis woman does, just not *that particular* cis woman. My wife, for example, hates oral sex. (She says it's too much stimulation or too little, and so varies from painful to weird.) If one goes by public discussion, one would assume that no woman feels that way, and yet. There are also plenty of lesbians who dislike penetration, even if there are lots who do enjoy it. Perhaps you just like different things than your partner does, and you're still figuring out what it is you do like.

Congrats on finding someone, by the way! I know that was also a source of some distress for you.

[suzifrommd]

Congrats on finding someone, by the way! I know that was also a source of some distress for you.

Thanks. Too early to tell whether it will be something lasting. She seems into me, but we're so different politically and that's a big deal these days.

Perhaps you just like different things than your partner does, and you're still figuring out what it is you do like.

Very true. I guess one thing I don't like is having someone stick something in there. Disappointing given I spent $22k to have it installed, but at least I'm shaped right.

I'm post-op since 2004. Fingers and stimulation inside (and outside, vulva) definitely arouse me and are a joyful experience. The problem might be that perhaps you are overthinking it, trying too much or that you are not attracted to your partner or the activity.

That's great. I'm somewhat envious. Don't know if this is psychological. It was physically uncomfortable. I was certainly up for the activity, which is why I was so disappointed that it didn't feel good.

[mac1]

Suzi,

I can relate to your feeling to some extent.  I have always felt that I should have a female body and genitals.  I feel  if that was was possible I could be comfortable and even enjoy being fondled and penetrated by my wife.  However, wanting or enjoying penetration by a man with his penis is not a desire for me; and I might even be very uncomfortable with it.

All I would like is to have a female body and genitals (acceptable to my wife) and to be able to present in private and public as female with her.