When did you go full time?

[ds1987]

Good evening!  Or for some, afternoon (or perhaps even morning?)!  This weekend was my 30th birthday, and outside of overspending on shoes and food for myself, I decided to come out on Facebook.  A majority of my family and friends are on there, and so many have been not only "liking" my post, but voicing their love and support.  At work, I'm not out yet, save for my managers and a couple of coworkers. I am not ready to make a daily commitment to being Victoria full time.

I have also not yet started seeing a gender therapist, taking hormones, etc. I know there isn't a rule on when one should start full time, but I wanted to see your perspectives and experiences.  Would it make more sense to wait until I've started on hormones?  That won't be for several months, and even though having my people know means a lot, I'd like to think I could start before that.  Anyway, any feedback would be fantastic!

Much love

[Nina_Ottawa]

I might be an oddball - wouldn't be the first time...but I went full time after my 3rd therapy session. At the same time, I started electrolysis which was approximately 80 sessions. Unless you have 7-8k lying around, you may need to be working and do electro on weekends. I couldn't do laser because of my hair color.
After my 5th therapy session, my therapist recommended me to an endo (required in Ontario) who started me off on spiro and Estrace.

It's probably been mentioned before, electro, hormones, therapy etc costs money. I was fortunate to have saved money and didn't have to work.

Good luck!

[Michelle_P]

I went full-time in late October, about three months ago now.  I had something like 40 hours of electrolysis done and had been on HRT about 5 months. 

Unfortunately, my 'plan' was to wait until I had a year of HRT, and had gotten to the point in electrolysis where I had been cleared once and was just regularly cleaning up new growth.

Woman plans, God laughs.

My dear wife gave me a deadline, the start of 2017, to move out.  She wanted me around for the holidays.  I generally handled all the cooking and cleaning, so that would work out well for her holiday activities, as she hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas for the extended family and an annual holiday open house party.

The wife was worried, though, that as Michelle came and went she might be seen by her friends or the neighbors. That would be unacceptable, so to reduce the risk she moved the deadline in, to November 1, about three weeks from when she told me.

I managed to find a place, and signed a lease.  The owner offered to let me move in early, starting October 22.  I started stripping away my possessions, giving away tools and equipment, recycling materials, culling my library to get down to a set of things I could keep in a 600 square foot apartment with two small closets, rather than a 2500 square foot home, with an attached office, engineering lab, and garage.

The deadline was moved to 5:00 PM October 22.

I was racing to pack my tools and equipment, while trying to visit with my youngest daughter.  At 4 PM, my dear wife told me it was time to leave, now, and not a minute later.  She didn't like that my daughter was upset.  Well, of course she was upset, as she was losing her male father figure.

I got to the apartment about 4:30, and changed.  The male clothing went into the Goodwill box.

I was full time.  I still am, and it has been an enormous relief.  I wasn't 'ready', whatever that is, but I make do, and am doing very well.

I've recorded the whole sordid tale over here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,215456.0.html


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Sophia Sage]

Just to echo Michelle, yeah, we make plans... and then there's the reality.

I was lucky in that I managed to make my plan a reality.  My plan was to get my presentation ready before going full-time -- which meant voice work, electrolysis, at least a year of hormones, name changes, and facial surgery already completed.  But, wow, the dysphoria became something that was impossible to tamp down once I started transitioning -- after about six months of zapping and voice work (so, so important, finding my voice was huge) and just starting HRT, I pretty much went full-time except at my place of employment.  Given I was working remotely, it wasn't nearly as triggering as it would have been otherwise. 

So I never transitioned at work... instead, after SRS, I went stealth, which took moving away and getting a new job, actually starting a new career.  Wait, that wasn't the plan, I had a great job!  An easy well-paying job!  But I'd learned enough at that point to realize I needed to know what it was like to live without narrative disclosure.  I just had to know...

...said Psyche, in paradise, lighting the lamp to see if her lover really was the god Eros... and not a monster...

Anyways, the wise choice to is hold off at work until, at minimum, facial hair is under control, and better if you've found your voice as well.  And if you can wait until after FFS, all the better.  Because transition is expensive, and much of it won't be covered by insurance, and if you really want consistent reliable female gendering from all quarters you really need to tend to the basics of your presentation.

The reality is, external factors and internal dypshoria tends to accelerate everything. 

[MissGendered]

Victoria,

I was putting off going full-time, heck even dressing at all, to try to sustain my relationship with my ex. But long story, short, I ended up breaking up with her unexpectedly, and 5 weeks later, with nothing more than a few female items and a purse and a couple IPL sessions, I just said 'I'm done' and I came out to everybody in my immediate life and never looked back.

I was lucky though, I was already being gendered female after about 14 months of HRT, though only 6 months of full transition dosages, and I had a very nice working voice from the start, and I was self-employed, so yeah, I was home free in no time.

I'm one of those girls that would have struggled without HRT first, but it impacted everything about me, my body, mind, emotions, body hair, everything, in such a way that I was being gendered female even in clearly male clothing..

Missy

[Floof]

Because my country is very slow and reluctant in starting people on HRT I actually did it a bit like you are, and have been out for a long time despite my poor progress. I dressed and went outside for the first time 7 years ago, and since then I gradually increased and got more confident, until I went full-time aprox 2 years ago. I have been in therapy that whole time though, I would strongly recommend you start whenever you can, I think its a great help.

Only started HRT about 3 months ago... Major game changer for me after 7 years of sort of struggling to find my place and commit to who I am. I started to really feel that this is exactly who I need to be, and any residual doubt just vanished.. I realized I had sort of been on hold my entire adult life so far, just waiting to start HRT and that makes me kind of angry that it took a full 7 years before they would let me have it.

I want to mention that I haven't really 'passed' as such despite being out in every facet of my life.. I am STILL struggling doing my voice well, it actually sounds better in English than it does in my own language; my local dialect is turning out to be very difficult for me to feminize! People haven't really reacted to how I look, but my voice has always been and still is a dead giveaway. However I work, live, shop and travel as a woman and it's been absolutely fine without any HRT. People all over Europe and even some of the African countries I've been to in this time have been very friendly, or at worst a bit confused and muted by the whole situation. Tanzania got a bit scary though XD.

But now I'm learning to improve my makeup and dress better, do my hair and all.. I'm having a great time and it seems like you are too!

[Kylo]

Because I knew changes from T begin immediately for most people, I knew I'd have trouble hiding them and didn't want to see confusion among family/friends if I just turned up and looked or sounded completely different. I gave them all about 3 years' notice.

But I'd been full time in other aspects like dress and mannerisms for a very long time. Maybe 10-12 years. The funny thing is nobody noticed, as I never said anything I just did it. They thought I was being "modest" and "dull".

It's different for MTF in that respect, harder to hide feminine expression in clothing or manner, but far as I know E hormones take longer to show visible results so you have a bit more leeway with when to start hormones and when you can no longer hide the fact you are taking them. My voice dropped the first 7 days of T and I sounded like I had laryngitis for a while. Everyone noticed it.

[Mia]

You're already ahead of me, I was afraid to even consider coming out without going to explore my issues deeply with a therapist first. Otherwise, the advice given already is good - start hormones and electrolysis now so that when you decide it's time to transition fully you have more confidence and self assurance.

I should add that gender-fluidity, or your place in the gender spectrum, certainly affects your path. I happen to be very binary, so "passing" was extremely important for me once I came out. I always forget that there are those who are very comfortable in the middle-ground and actually disdain the binary.