Ugh!! Life is so unfair!

[monica]

First of all, I don't know that this is in the right section, because I don't know if I was truely discriminated against..but here goes...

Alright, so last week I got a great job offering at the local grocery here in Florida (Publix). I've heard nothing but good things about the company and how great they are to work for. They went over the pay with me, benefits, blah blah and it all sounded really good. They had said somethin about my hair needing to be cut, and I said I couldn't do it. Well the guy who interviewed me said they could work something out, such as wearing a hat or something. That's what I currently do at Subway...Anways, I was fine with that. My hair isn't extremely long, it's almost that typical emo cut. Long bangs, not as long in the back, about the middle on the sides...But it's just not quite long enough to pull back, ya know?

So yesterday I went back in to fill out some paperwork, everything went great. The lady told me again I'd need to cut my hair above my ears, and again we compromised on wearing a hat. Great. I was fine with that.

Today, "David" I guess the head manager of the grocery dept. called me in, (David is above the other 2 people I talked to) Well he told me once again, I'd need to cut my hair. This time, not wanting to compromise with anything. He said it must be shaved on the sides, and in the back. I refuse that style of hair, for I've had it before, and absolutely hate it. Now I don't care if I look like a complete idiot at work, that's fine. It's just work, but I feel I should be able to present myself however I want outside of work, and some sort of compromise could have been made. Ugh it irritates me everytime I think about it!

Also, I understand "Company Policy" forbids guy's from their hair being to long I guess? But walking out the store I saw TWO other males with hair over there ears! How fair is that?  Basically what it boils down to for me is it's soo unfair that women can wear their hair HOWEVER they want for the job. Buzzed, down to their butt, HOWEVER they want, they are allowed to style it. Me on the other hand, I have to conform to whatever they say, and look like THEM. Them being David, who's hair is totally shaved.

Anyways, I don't think their is anything I can do about it, since I guess it's company policy. One thing I didn't do was ask to see where in their book thing where it states that, which I probably shold of. I was just to upset when the incident took place..

If anyone lives in Florida, or knows of organizations that can help with something like this, or any input at all on the situation would be greatly apperciated.

Thanks to anyone that just read this long post that doesn't apply to them at all.


-Monica.

[buttercup]

Hi Monica,

Yeah, it does sound unfair, especially when there are two other guys with longish hair, they've probably been there awhile and are cut abit of slack?  As you are new, they want to ground you into submission and I suppose it's up to you which way you go with this.  Cut your hair, keep your job and over time let it grow back, probably not be harassed about it.  Take a stand now and maybe not get the job?  It's your call entirely. 
The only thing I would like to mention is your statement that 'women can wear their hair however they want for the job!' is unwarranted.  I have never found that to be true, women cop the most flak about their appearance, and many have lost their jobs or never hired solely for that reason.  There are very few men that has happened to, if any I can recall?
I know you are angry with David but try not to take it out on women, atleast they are giving you a chance.  Women have had it hard enough over the years, they are not getting away with anything.  David is just a prig and his shaved head says it all!


buttercup   

[monica]

Oh my all means I didn't intend to take it out on women at all. If anything I'm jealous. Because I want to be able to wear my hair long. In that company alone I see women with long hair, women with short hair, women with medium hair. It seems that they can style their hair however they feel comfortable with. And at most have to pull it back in a pony tail. (Which they aren't even required to do at this company) Sorry my I directed what I wanted to say in the wrong way. That's my fault for not re-reading what I hat typed...And I apologize.

Bottom line, I want to wear my hair how I want to, not how they tell me to. And the women in this company imparticular seem to be able to do that. So if anything I'm not upset with the women in the company, I'm jealous of them, because that's who I want to be.

[Hypatia]

Given your experience, I'm missing the part about how wonderful a company this is to work for.

[monica]

Lol, well with my experiences..it's not!

But they do offer good benefits, bonus checks, profit sharing, and paid vacations. Plus start you off at a fairly good wage. By no means would it be something to have as a career. Although some choose to, it would have been an excellent part time job while I'm in college..

[Robyn]

I don't think reasonable grooming standards, especially in food places, are inherently discriminatory. 

If you are working as a man and are subject to male grooming standards, I don't think you have a legal leg to stand on re longer hair. 

You certainly have the right to wear your hair however you want so long as you don't work for that company.  That may be the choice you have to come to rather quickly.  Another choice would be to seek employment as female if you are pretty far along in your transition.   A compromise is to wear a wig when off duty.

I wouldn't let hair length be the issue that kept me from a good job, hon.

Best wishes

Robyn

[Sheila]

I have worked in the Grocery business for over 35 years. If it is a policy it should be in their dress code. They should have given you the dress code policy when you hired on. If you marked male then you will have to follow that policy. If you marked female then you would have to follow that policy. It has been fought in courts and you will never win. If others are not following dress code then bring it up to the manager as to why? Since you are new and you say you like the job, then I would just do as they say. It is not your business, you just work for them. Until you have time in to try and change the policy then you just have to live with it or you don't have to. It is your choice. I wore a wig for a long time. Then I changed my marker to female.
Sheila