I still feel haunted by the emotional abuse/manipulation that my parents inflicted on me when I told them I was trans. My mother initially said "this is the one thing a parent should never have to accept." Murderer, rapist, child molester, all of those things can be accepted in time. But your child living and trying to be happier in a gender different than the one you initially thought? Inconceivable!
On another occasion she told me that if my dad or grandparents ever found out that "it" would "kill them." I guess in her mind that is justification for me continuing to live every day wanting to blow my brains out. She also said if I ever started dressing "like that" that I wouldn't be able to come home. In this same conversation she told me that I was "every guy's worst nightmare" and that "everyone is going to laugh at you."
My mother seemed to understand what I was getting at at least though. My father on the other hand did not seem to totally comprehend things. At first he was trying to tell me I was gay and that I was turned on by wearing women's clothing (which I'd never done, nor really want to do). I explained, no, I am not gay, I am a girl attracted to men. I explained this several times and it had absolutely no effect. He also told me that I was going to get beaten up if I ever went out in public. If I remember correctly he did say "call me when you get to the ER" so it wasn't a withdrawal of contact. Which is funny because my plan is to cut off all contact with them as soon as I start med school.
I know those things they said are horrible. I am aware that I am allowed to be my own person and if they want to be terrible I can cut them out of my life, which I want to do. However, I still feel like I can't do anything. Like, I just can't do anything, especially lately. I haven't left my room much in a few days, haven't been going to class or anything. My therapist that I didn't really share things with, but still trusted and liked going to, left the school to go to another state and I haven't found a new therapist yet.
