Quote from: lilredneckgirl on December 29, 2016, 07:42:23 AM
A couple things i feel compelled to chime in on.
first, at what point do we stop referring to our new creation as a 'neo vagina'? heck with that. its my puss, wooch, cooter, its me, taint no neo nothing. its real, its mine.
point there, the perception of what we have and who we are....
Orgasm, yep I cried too, was nearly 1.5 years and nothing. welcome to nerve deafness and healing, some take longer then others anf frustrations dont help. I solved mine by getting two industrial grade vibrators and a gallon of lube, one inside, one out side and turned them on high speed. Honestly, that got things going, jump started things and let me know that yes, the puss can purr, it is just, was just up to me to figure out the rest.
Hair, no real answers there. i paid the extra, get the follicles off when i was in surgery, easier then , then at any other time. talk to the experts, see hat can be done
Quitting,?
are you seriouse? sexual activity is important, we, like with most women, do not orgasm every time we spread our legs. its a much more complicated process that begins with arousal, excitement desire, and ends in the sexual act. it aint like a male no more, you got two locations for arousal and pleasure, and they both need attention to some degree to get over the mountain. the dialiating stints. Throw them in the drawer, and go get you some life like , real looking soft / hard / bumpy / vibrating "toys" that will help you take this all from medicinal maintenance, to omg im gonna fantasize and get laid. Drop the expectations of fireworks and lightning, and look for subtle sensation, , explore and experiment, lock the door so your not disturbed, take your time and learn, relax, etc. the nerve endings are there somewhere, and its up to you to find them.
^THIS^ All of it, great stuff and oh, so TRUE!!
To also speak plainly, yes, you have a pussy now, and if you think of it as a post-operative surgical site, well, lawdy, that alone would stop me from going over the edge and letting the bomb go off, oh my, yes...
Ok, so more soberly, another angle..
Re-mapping your neurological connections takes place in your mind as well as in the relocated tissues. Quiet, thoughtful touch, running your fingers slowly from left to right across your vulva, does the touch of your fingertips draw a line in your mind that matches the motion below? Slipping a finger in, slowly, does your mind 'feel' the insertion in a linear way that matches the feeling in your finger? Are there places where your mind feels nothing, but your finger does? It took me over a year to have the sense that my brain 'knew' where everything was, and it took mindfulness to create a 'map' inside my head that matched my new anatomy.
Think 'tantric', don't think 'Big-O', find the places that ARE working, go slow, use your fingers, use a LOT of lube, make sure your head is clear, your mind isn't impatient, your feet are warm, and let yourself enjoy even the smallest of sensations. Build on that. Do it alone. Do it with your wife. Have your wife do to you what works for her. I found that watching videos of men reaching climax absolutely guaranteed I would climax in some kind of sympathetic eruption, too. That helped me a lot before I had a bf that I loved. But even with him, I only have smaller orgasms because like most women, I am too focused on his pleasure to let myself build up to a great big one of my own. I know cis women that orgasm fine alone, but never do with their man. There are lots of reasons a girl may have a block about orgasming.
Many cis women have orgasm issues that have nothing to do with their equipment, they have issues that a sex therapist, not a gender therapist, can help. Maybe that is the angle, I dunno.
I went to Brassard, he doesn't allow electro before surgery, he scrapes the skin and uses cautery. I had about 18 loooong hairs inside my puss and a hairball stuck up in the apex, too. Pushing a dilator in and out in bed everyday, all day, had forced not only pubic hair up there, but loose head hair from my bed, also. (Gross, I know, sorry, but hey, I wanna be truthful here, not delicate). I was in a panic, and grossed out, but Brassard was calm and told me to just pull out the hairballs, lol, and to wet my thumb and first finger of my left hand (I am right-handed), roll onto my right side, spread my legs, work my finger and thumb in as deeply as I can, and with my fingers inside myself, pinch the hair as close to the skin as possible, and slowly tear them out, pull as many as you can, and keep doing this, over time, they will stop growing, and your vagina will be hair-free. A year later, after no more than 12-15 pull sessions, I am down to two hairs. Gross, but worth the effort, plus, I became more familiar with my vaginal canal, found my G-spot, and I never have hairballs inside anymore, either. Yeah, it was not something I liked, but I did it, and now my self-esteem is much better.
I never dilate, and I often go weeks without penetration, and I have the same depth and width now as when I stopped dilating.
The smell?
I don't like to douche, but I do anyway, but only as needed, and that is only about once a month now. Cis girls douche, cis girls have odor, it goes with the territory...
By all means, put those 'dilators' out with the garbage. Use dildos and vibrators. Post-ops use dilators, it is time to change that mindset, the time to be a patient is long over. Plus, they are metal, and cold, and clinical, and not in the least sexy!
Pure Romance makes some amazing toys, I have 5, mm, maybe six, plus an older one I inherited from my ex, lol. One has a rotating head and a vibrating egg that hits my clitoris just right with the shaft fully inserted and twisting away, and both mechanisms have variable speeds. Get as much bzzzz going in there, and all around that area, as often as you can stand it. I delayed using vibrating toys and it was a mistake, I could have progressed faster with one.
It took me 6 months to have a clitoral orgasm. I had my first internal one, a small one, 11 days post-op while dilating with the little blue dilator, I called him "Mr. Blue", kinda literal, but it made it a bit more personal, ya know? I almost had a clitoral one at about a month, but for some reason, I panicked, and shut it down. It took 6 months for the swelling around my clit to subside and for enough nerves to reconnect and function before I had a bona fide clitoral orgasm, and it was quite a relief, whew, now big clitoral orgasms are regular and predictable. But it took patience and practice, for sure. So, yeah, I get your pain, I was very worried too.
I have very pleasant feelings during sex, even when I don't orgasm, but I usually do orgasm internally within ten or fifteen minutes of penetration if I am wet enough and had a bit of foreplay. I am still trying to achieve the huge ones I have alone with men, but I am always too busy worrying about whether I am pleasing him, blah blah blah, but I know with work, the right guy, and LOVE, it will become a regular thing someday. I wonder if you are distracted by your wife or your life or your anxiety? Anxiety is the number one climax buster, in my experience.
My point?
Don't give up, sexual dysfunction is common even with cis girls. Be determined that the issues you face can be overcome, but take as much pleasure whenever, and where ever you find it. Consider a sex therapist with post-op experience.
Buy. Some. SEXY. Toys.
Mutual masturbation with your wife may work. Having her do you the way she likes it may work. Remember, a lot of cis girls need at least 30-45 minutes of good, focused sex to get there, maybe you are giving up too soon.
Maybe I am wrong about all my sex advice, I dunno, but hey, I am trying to help, and I hope I have helped.
Good luck, sweetie!
:-) MissyG
