Hi! I've been absent for a little bit. Hope you are all well
I got a call two days ago that I'm almost at the top of the list for therapy and should be called to schedule within two weeks!! This makes me very very happy, as oh my god my head has been full. A friend did a photo shoot of me last Wed, and I loved the experience. But then seeing pictures after the fact just flattened me. I like who I see as Victoria, but I sometime forget how far I have to go. But then I remember that this is a journey I will only be able to experience once, and that is a beautiful thing.
I think what I've really been taking from this year so far is how much I feel like Victoria...and how much I already did without realizing it. Right now, I'm typing this without having showered (it's my day off), no makeup and short hair and a little scruff. But that doesn't matter right now. Oi, I've been so emotional without even taking estrogen
Another thing is that I'm learning to embrace my gender fluidity more. If I keep longing for the girl in the future, I'll completely miss out on the duality of me right now. And I actually admire myself for this. I'd been afraid for a bit that liking how I look as Daniel, albeit with makeup, would negate Victoria. Or that if I allow this fluidity to be my current embodiment, that I'm not supposed to transition. But how limiting is that?!
Someone in a recent thread likened the transition process to watching grass grow. Thank goodness for that. In learning me and taking time to reflect every step of the way, I am accruing. I feel so genuine, nothing is forced. That said, who knows, I may come on here tomorrow and post some rant or anxiety or some such. But that's part of this too. I am so glad for this site, and for all of you who read or skim or (yes) even skip. Because just existing on here is incredibly good for me, and I hope to connect as much as possible with myself and others in this experience.
Much love
Victoria
