Difficult teenagers and a Trans parent: help?!

[R R H]

Not quite sure where to post this but I was wondering if anyone has experience and / or advice on dealing with a difficult teenager?

As I posted here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=219370.new;topicseen#new
my partner and I are having a lot of problems with her 16-yr old daughter, as well as 22 year old son who is away from home but communicates with the 16 yr old.

Basically the daughter cannot accept the situation of her mum getting with someone they knew before as male and is now female. She had major rows against her mum and moved out to live with her dad who is just down the road. The daughter routinely calls me 'Richard,' a name I changed two years ago and refuses to accept the situation. I believe she and her brother dismiss the entire idea of transitioning: they don't believe in trans.

I've written to my GiC for a counselling referral, in theory so that we can all have therapy.

We were just wondering if anyone on here can share advice / tips / help / links on how we deal with this? My partner loves me and won't give 'us' up so any solution has to be worked through on that basis i.e. the daughter's going to have to get used to that fact. But steering our way through without upsetting her further would be massively helpful.

Rach
xx

[HappyMoni]

Hi Rach,
   Even if you weren't trans it would be a tough spot to be in. The  trans issue might just be their excuse for disliking anyone who is "replacing" their father. She maybe still holds out hope for her parents  to reconnect. If it were me, I think I would be myself, act as fairly toward her as I could, but no amount of bending over backward to try to make things right would probably be successful. Stay strong with your partner. The 16 year old is in a very self centered time of her life. With time, maybe it might change. I guess you have a choice of meeting her head on or completely ignoring her when see calls you the wrong name. I dealt with two boys through this age (before transition). I hear girls are worse.
Monica

[Dena]

There is a type of personality that loves to battle when they think things are equal because they believe they can win by force of will. My niece as this type of personality with many knock down drag outs with her mother. My brother didn't accept that type of treatment and as the result, he had fewer arguments. An example is one time she insisted on slamming the bedroom door. After being warned not to do it several times, my brother removed the door and kept it at work for several months until he was comfortable the the attitude improvement.

Both of you are adults, they are the child and are living under your roof. You must agree what is acceptable and what is not and if they fails to live up to expectations, they should pay the price for their actions. The difference between a child and an adult is a child requires guidance to do the right thing and an adult doesn't. As long as they behave like children, they should be treated as such as at their age, they should know better.