I told my Wife

[jgravitt01]

Sort of....I came home today from my initial Doctor's visit for HRT stopped in my wife's office (before going home) sat down and she hit me with "Why have you really been going to therapy, it isn't really to save our marriage, is it" (I swallowed my tonsils at that very moment but I womaned up and told the full truth.
Yes it was to try to save our marriage because I needed to figure myself out before I could open up to you about why ive been torn up inside for soo long.
I had to understand how to explain it to you without sounding crazy and prove I'm not Bi-Polar as you often point out.
Several emotions rolled out with her words at that point including pain, anger, frustration & then soon after came the blame, hate and ultimately shaming.
I calmly accepted all she dished out (without walking away or interrupting)
I explained she had a right to feel everything she is feeling. That's when the threats rolled out of her taking our son away from me and moving away!
That I wasn't to tell him anything about my "lifestyle".
I asked if she truly thought taking him away from me was best because even if I am a woman I am still his father. She looked at me with anger/disgust and said I will not let him see you turn into a woman.
You can come visit with him later...I said I'll still be a woman then...so adjustment over time is worse than when I left Dad was a He and now a year or two later Dad is a She...?
Anyway this is night 1 and we'll see if this continues or if she backs off her statements....- Jaime

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[MissGendered]

Wow.

I am proud of you. Not that my approval should matter at all, but I am proud of you, young lady!!!

It's out there now, and once the dust settles, you will be able to move forward in good conscience.

Such grace under fire, too. Wow. Nice!

Whatever happens, know this; you did woman up, and you took responsibility.

She can say what she needs to say, but you will still have equal parental rights, no matter how she feels about your truth.

I am so sorry that you have this to work through, but given the options, wow, you did great, wow!!

Did I mention I was proud of you?

Yeah. I am.

Nice.

Missy

[jgravitt01]

Wow.

I am proud of you. Not that my approval should matter at all, but I am proud of you, young lady!!!

It's out there now, and once the dust settles, you will be able to move forward in good conscience.

Such grace under fire, too. Wow. Nice!

Whatever happens, know this; you did woman up, and you took responsibility.

She can say what she needs to say, but you will still have equal parental rights, no matter how she feels about your truth.

I am so sorry that you have this to work through, but given the options, wow, you did great, wow!!

Did I mention I was proud of you?

Yeah. I am.

Nice.

Missy

Thank you. Grace under fire...lol

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[Michelle_P]

Jaime, I know how hard this was for you, and unfortunately how harsh the response is.  You are a strong person, and I hope you can tale some comfort in how well you took her response.

I hope that with this issue out in the open, that you can feel some relief.  I do hope that she can bring herself to communicate with you, and perhaps show some compassion.

I'm also proud of you.

Hugs,
- Michelle


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[jgravitt01]

Jaime, I know how hard this was for you, and unfortunately how harsh the response is.  You are a strong person, and I hope you can tale some comfort in how well you took her response.

I hope that with this issue out in the open, that you can feel some relief.  I do hope that she can bring herself to communicate with you, and perhaps show some compassion.

I'm also proud of you.

Hugs,
- Michelle


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Thank you, Michelle, only time will tell.


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[josie76]

I'm sorry her reaction was so negative. I really hope you can work something out that respects the needs of both of you and your son. I know it's got to be really hard for you right now. We're all here for you if you need us. Hugs

[MeTony]

Brave of you to tell her. I have not gotten that far yet. My husband don't know but my 15 yo son does. He figured it out. 

I am afraid to be rejected and make him feel betrayed. We have been a couple for 18 years. Through better or worse. But this feels beyond worse.

Feel proud that you told her! I am proud of you.


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[jgravitt01]

Thank you Josie76 & Me Tonie. While it is a struggle dealing right now, I no longer have to hide. That is a relief in itself.
I feel one of my burdens lifted. Next is my Mom...at 76 years old that is going to be a tough one as well.

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[jgravitt01]

Today's events have proved interesting and have backed up what I told my wife yesterday during my "outing". She spoke with our boss and she said that even if we divorce we can still work together since we do that very well without fear of losing our job. We have a promotion in June that will move us to Michigan and that is still very much on the table plus a significant bump in pay (double).
While she did not "out" me to our boss it proved that we could still go forward together although just not married. That my girls is good news. (For now)

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[MeTony]

I am happy she is not ruining it for you. Your wife seems to take this well. I hope you get the promotion.

[JeanetteLW]

   Let me add my "Well done" to the accolades.
   It sounds like you handled yourself well in the face of fire and came through it. Singed for sure but you survived!. It's a shame your wife reacted in the way she did and I hope after a bit you two can talk things over amicably. Things do not have to get nasty. Hold your head up, stand up for your rights and try to be understanding of her side too. It is a lot for her to have to deal with. You have had your lifetime to come to grips with yourself, she has had days.

    Jeanette

[jgravitt01]

Thank you Jeanette and MeTonie  she has calmed a bit and she sees an amicable future ahead. Staying Positive!-Jaime

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[LizK]

Today's events have proved interesting and have backed up what I told my wife yesterday during my "outing". She spoke with our boss and she said that even if we divorce we can still work together since we do that very well without fear of losing our job. We have a promotion in June that will move us to Michigan and that is still very much on the table plus a significant bump in pay (double).
While she did not "out" me to our boss it proved that we could still go forward together although just not married. That my girls is good news. (For now)

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You are doing great. It is a hard thing to tell your wife and just as hard for her to hear. For her it might be like a grieving process and her first response is anger. Do you think there is a chance you can work it out or is that just not going to happen? Good for you for coming out and doesn't it feel great!

Hugs
Liz

[Rachel]

Congratulations on telling your wife. That must have been very difficult. I hope things work out for the best.

[jgravitt01]

You are doing great. It is a hard thing to tell your wife and just as hard for her to hear. For her it might be like a grieving process and her first response is anger. Do you think there is a chance you can work it out or is that just not going to happen? Good for you for coming out and doesn't it feel great!

Hugs
Liz

I doubt we stay married especially once the hormones kick in start noticable differences. We will probably split up once we get our promotion and arrive in Michigan. Either way different households will occur in Late May/Early June whether here in Minnesota or there.


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[jgravitt01]

Congratulations on telling your wife. That must have been very difficult. I hope things work out for the best.

Thank you Rachel.

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[LizK]

I doubt we stay married especially once the hormones kick in start noticable differences. We will probably split up once we get our promotion and arrive in Michigan. Either way different households will occur in Late May/Early June whether here in Minnesota or there.


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That must be tough, I wish you only happiness and joy in your future.

Liz

[jgravitt01]

That must be tough, I wish you only happiness and joy in your future.

Liz

Thank you Liz.

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[jgravitt01]

After a little training from the nurse today I gave myself my first self administered dose of Estradiol, tomorrow will be my first Spironolactone dose as well.
Never remotely felt the needle, nurse said I administered it and took it like a pro. ; )
HAPPY DAY...OH HAPPY DAY!

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[AlyssaJ]

Very happy for you with the start of HRT, sorry to hear about the virulent response you received from your wife. My wife hasn't been the most supportive either, although her reaction wasn't as extreme as what you describe.  I think you handled it as best as could be expected.  Stay on the high road, take care of yourself and let everyone else figure out how they need to take care of themselves.  I hope it all works out more positively once she's had time to digest the situation.